Ma's eBay tutorial

The last present arrived by mail yesterday, which means Christmas is pretty much in the bag...or the closet, as it were.

Now, you know I don't like to brag, but there's a difference between unabashed hubris and the helpful hints of a master buyer who only seeks to enrich the lives of those who--like me-- are too lazy to go out and shop at stores.

By now you are asking, "Ma? Just what are your tried and true methods of procurement while sitting like a mass of greedy jelly in front of your computer?"

Well then, I'll tell you.

First, you must steel yourself. Steel yourself to that wicked whim that can plague any novice eBayer....impulse bidding.

Oh you may THINK all you want is the odd toy or gorilla suit, but when faced with all of the options....with unlimited "searches," it's entirely possible to go completely bonkers and start snapping up rhinestone cowboy suits in utter abandon. And none of us wants to end up with 13 rhinestone cowboy outfits, when all we really needed was one.

Now....to the nitty-gritty of the matter:

• Know your market. Don't bid on the first mandolin you see. (any similarity to my life's experience is entirely coincidental) Check out what like items are going for. Many sellers flood the market with identical cheapo items listed at different times. These may or may not be worth your while, but observing the "going rate" could prevent you from over-bidding on a mediocre item.
  
• Know your seller. It behooves you to check on their feedback percentage. Anyone lower than 95% positive feedback is not to be recommended. I personally go with 98 or above. I learned this the hard way on Half.com after never receiving a used book I'd ordered. Upon checking their feedback percentage, I saw it to be 87%!! (Bad, BAD Ma) I was reimbursed by the good folks at Half.com after I lodged a formal complaint--and without affecting my feedback. (more on that, later)
  
  And don't hesitate to read a sellers feedback. For example, comments such as, "My priceless Ming Dynasty Vase arrived in 238 pieces labelled, Some assembly required, ya big Chump....!" should immediately raise a red flag.
  
• Decide on a price and stick with it, give or take a couple bucks. There's no object so necessary that it's worth getting carried away with bidding in the final moments, which leads to my next point....
  
• Don't bid until the final moment! That way you won't tip off other potential buyers and needlessly jack up the price. I set a timer, and keep refreshing the screen on one tab, while I get set to bid on another tab viewing the same item. That way you can eliminate the 5-7 seconds it takes to go from the "watched item," to "place bid," to "confirm bid in next step."
  
  There have been times when I got my bid in with 1 or 2 seconds to go. That's cutting it pretty close. Generally, I prefer 20 seconds or less, depending on whether someone else is in hot contention. And there are probably others using this same technique, so it can be quite a rush and/or dismaying to see the price go up 50% in the final seconds. But usually this is not a problem, since for some strange reason, I often bid on items no one else wants....
  
  In the end, I figure waiting and placing my bid at the last moment and then losing is God's way of saying, "Sorry, Ma...it wasn't meant to be."
  
• Be tricksy with your bid price. Don't put down even numbers like $10.00 or $9.50. Go for something in the nature of $10.01 or $9.52. That way you'll beat out the lame brains that think $10.00 will cut the mustard. Those people will be left holding an empty hot dog bun, while you walk away with the cereal-filled faux meat product.
  
  One more thing on the topic of pricing......DON'T FORGET THE DECIMAL POINT!! Otherwise, your supposed bid of $10.00 suddenly turns into $1000, which seems a tad high for a pink poodle skirt, size nine. Of course the eBay machine only raises the bid $.50 at a time, but seeing that $1000 dollar bid go out into cyberspace can be quite a shock to the system....not that I would know from....*cough*....personal experience. (just take deep breaths, Loren)
  
• Take note of where the item is coming from. If it hails from Great Britain, I hope you're not in any hurry. My experience is that it can take at least six weeks for items to float across the "Big Pond," so ordering something for a birthday even a month hence is pretty dicey. As well as shipping time, the price in pounds can be a bit misleading, though eBay usually notes the difference, pounds to dollars. Basically, anything in italics is usually from England, and you might as well double the amount that is given, to get a rough idea of what you'll pay in dollars.
  
• Check out the shipping costs! This is particularly important if you are bidding on an item....say....the size and weight of a small elephant. If they live in the next state, it might be easier to pick it up, saving shipping altogether.
  
  And if the shipping turns up "not designated," you'd best leave it go altogether, though if there is time you could email the seller with your questions. Try to limit questions to things pertinent to the object and refrain from asking, "What is your favorite color? How many kids do you have? Ever been to jail?"
  
  Combined shipping is another way to ease your costs. If the buyer is selling several items you are interested in, they will often combine shipping in one package, saving you a couple of bucks. However, IF you are ordering DVD's from East Timor and notice that no one else is bidding, it is just BARELY possible that the seller is proffering a pirated item.....again, not that I would actually know....*crosses fingers behind back*....
  
• Pay promptly.This works best if the seller takes PayPal. A few more clicks of the mouse and you too, can get glowing comments like these....
  

  -Great Ebay buyer to deal with, highly recommended. Makes selling fun.
  -2 THUMBS UP! FLAWLESS TRANSACTION w/SPEEDY PAY...AAA+++ ALL THE WAY!!!!

  
  And my personal favorite:
  

  -Amazing buyer, great communication, wish they could all be like you!!!! A+++++++

  
  *sigh*
  
  It really warms your heart, don't it? And by the way....one doesn't get accolades like that by retracting bids.
  
  And that's what it's all about. Not the acquirement of cheap goods from the comfort of your computer chair....not cruising the web late at night when sensible people have gone to sleep.....but knowing you are providing an income for people across the socio-economic spectrum, and racking up 100% positive buyer feedback along the way.
  

And it's just---that----easy.

So happy bidding to one and all.....and....... oh look, we have time for one more:

Wonderful customer…Ebay needs more people of this caliber! A++++!

It's a good thing I'm so humble.
 

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