The REAL scoop on Ardith's tooth loss

Yes, it can now be told, especially since certain people have given only the barest glimpse of actual events. Mostly though, the statute of limitations concerning blabbing about dental work is remarkably short.

SO, it all went like this…..

Ardith drove my car as I carefully took note of the route needed to get her back to her place. (I decided not to include all those wrong turns we took getting to the office, which were the fault of killer one-way streets)

She checked in and immediately they suggested a certain amount should be paid up front, “Since you won’t be able to, afterward.”

Oh. That’s REAL comforting…

Ardith hands me a form promising to escort her home after the surgery. I happily sign with great flourish, completely missing the part about “staying with the patient for 24 hours.”

She heads through the doors and I call after her, “Ask the doc if I can come back and take pictures….!”    “Noooooo……”

Hmm, I hope I didn’t embarrass her….

In what seemed an incredibly short time, they came out and said I could pull around to the side door. (this is where relatives spirit away the patients, so as to prevent those awkward scenes where patients walk back through the waiting room, mouths stuffed with gauze and dripping blood, not to mention weaving from the anesthetic)

I was SHOCKED. I mean, it had only been 30 minutes. I’d barely had time to put two words into my “Challenger” crossword puzzle….you know, the one I’d started up at Mayo in early 2005.

Pulling around to the “white door, ” I went in to find a rather conscious Ardith, with IV still in the ol’ arm. “Uh…” I said to the nurse, “does this mean I should go turn off the car?”

Anyway, the daughter looked really good and I learned three things:
-she’d needed no stitches
-gauze was supposed to be changed at 5
-this method of tooth extraction seemed quite preferable to our dentist’s hammer and chisel approach to wisdom teeth.

Oh yes, this was when I learned she was supposed to have someone with her for 24 hours. “I’m sure we can work something out,” I snowed the nurse.

On the way back to Ardith’s apartment, she kept scribbling furiously on the back of her post-op instructions, in lieu of my not being able to understand her cotton-impaired speech. Apparently though, she felt quite comfortable with me reading while I was driving.... This is an excellent example of the "post-anesthesia euphoric phase." It’s really quite cute, how people who’ve been drugged are so communicative. (You should see Loren after an angiogram. REAL chatty and happy—completely unlike his normal self)

Despite Ma’s driving, we both made it safely back, where it was me—not Ardith—who tripped going up the stairs. Twice. This is the price one pays for wearing long narrow shoes. Sure, they make your oversized feet look thin, but falling and breaking a leg is also an option. The various risks should be weighed carefully. Even worse, if you go to the doctor, you will be weighed.

But getting back to my selfless errand of mercy……Ardith demonstrated a fair presence of mind by capably unlocking her door, and we entered into her abode for a nice rest. Since she has few real chairs, this mostly means sitting on the floor. Not that I’m complaining, or anything. It’s really nothing for an out-of-shape woman of 47 with creaky joints to raise and lower herself to the floor.

Ardith took up a reclining position in front of her TV screen, and proceeded to gain experience, power and points by way of “Star Ocean.” Despite the post-op suggestion to administer ice packs, she declined, owing to the fact that she felt pretty well. And then, ice packs would severely inhibit any Play Station 2 action, and how would Fayt ever be reunited with all that he knows and loves? (not to mention a really good hair stylist)

Ah, the dilemmas of interstellar space.

And actually, the patient was doing so very well, that we came to the executive decision—us both deeming ourselves executive material—that it was safe to leave Ardith alone with her games and books. It did not appear that she was in imminent danger of lurching against any walls.

And that be the gist of things, proving once again, that no matter how trivial the happening, with very little effort, Ma can make quite a big deal out of it.

Y’all have an ortho good day, now.
 

Tweet