The Jim-Bob Report

"Happy third day of summer, everyone...this is Jim McDonald in Des Moines. We know everyone's getting tired of the constant stream of bad news from Iowa, so today we'll be bringing you good news for a change, ironically enough, out of Texas. We've sent our man-in-the-field, Bob McCackle, down to the Lone Star State to cover the famous Plano Open golf tournament. Word has it an up-and coming young star is making her debut in this hallmark of the LPGA tour. For more information, let's go right to Bob, who's covering this week's tournament...Bob? Tell us about this rising young semi-pro golfer..."

"Top O' the morning to ya, Jim. There's a lot of chatter about this new gal, Sarah Hess. Word has it she can drive a ball nearly as far as Zach Johnson, Iowa's own native son. So I'm here to..."

*****da dat, da dat, da dat, da da da da da dad, da dat, da dat*****

"We interrupt this program for a SPECIAL REPORT. This is Jim McDonald with late-braking word out of the Hoyt homestead...our cub reporter, Trevor Hoyt, has just sent me this stunning picture and I have him on the phone line...

...Trevor? What have you got for us?"

"Welw Mistoh Jim, Mommy found diss nest--a chipping spehwoh nest--an...an it has five EGGS in it! And dat's not alwoh...TWO of duh egg don't bewong to duh speh-woh!"

"Sounds pretty exciting, Trevoh...I mean, Trevor. What's Ma's explanation? Aliens from outer space?"

"NO, Mistoh Jim, soh. Mommy thinks a nasty ol' Cow-buhd has waid the two biggoh eggs...an boy is she mad!"

"Whoa...sounds pretty intense. What do you think will happen, Trevor?"

"Welw, Mommy wanted to toss the two big eggs out so dey wouldn't cwowd the wittle baby buhds, but my sistoh, Me-winda said it was intowesting and we should see what happens...just anothoh wittle dwama in da howtwand, Mistoh Jim. Back to you..."

"Thank you, Trevor. And now, we return to our regularly scheduled programming, where Bob MacCackle is covering the golf tournament down in Plano, Texas....Bob?"

"JIM! I can't believe you interrupted me for a crummy BIRD nest...fer cryin' out loud....!!"

"Now Bob, take it easy. It wasn't my decision...came from the highest authorities...*aside*...'That's fine, Honey, thanks. Oh...and can you get me two sugars and a cream to go with this?'...Now Bob...*slurp*....what's happening at the golf tournament?"

"Well Jim, speaking of teed off, Sarah Hess is just about to make her second shot off the fairway....it's a par 4 hole and if she gets good placement on the green...hang on...she's just...whoa! The ball has taken a funny angle and...and...it's coming straight for me! Just a sec....I....*galunk*.....'gulp'....*sounds of shouting*...."

"Bob...? Bob, are you alright?"

"Jim? Mike Huckabee, here. Bob half-swallowed the golf ball but he's gonna be just fine. Fortunately I was standing right next to him and was able to perform the Heimlich maneuver...ball popped out like a toad oughtta swamp water...kinda pretty, really...anyway, I'm a handy guy to have around, you might say. And you can pass that along to anyone who might be looking for help, if you get my drift..."

"Yes...well, thank you, Mr. Huckabee....*clears throat*....unfortunately we are out of time. We'll be keeping everyone updated on the birdie situation, both golf-wise and aviarally speaking. Until then, this is Jim McDonald, for Bob MacCackle and little Trevor Hoyt, saying...

...good-day."
 

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