The Progeny
Old Lady Daydreams
Now that the initial trauma of starting up the blog has diffused, let me relate an incident that occurred seven days ago:
It is Thursday, The Big Shopping Day, in The Big City. Twice yearly, Ma Hoyt and whatever older girls are in residence take an entire day to visit various Goodwill stores and a particular resale shop we hold dear. Naturally, as the day progresses, we find we are in need of a little sustenance, so we are forced to make a stop at Arby's. And, once a year, we stop at the mall (yes, Iowa has malls) so that I can buy a decent pair of tennis shoes. (the value of which I discovered during my 8th pregnancy)
We call home from Arby's to let "the guys" know we are just having lunch, and might be running a little late. It is 3:30. Jason, in his usual sparkling phone manner responds, "Ohhh-kay."
Finally, we hit the mall and I acquire the long awaited footwear. Ahhh, it is time to find a bench, lace up my new tennies, and put my feet up. Sharon is off to Penny's for some obscure item, and Kendra is riding the escalators, pretending to windowshop, but in truth, she is joyriding the escalators. (we live a sheltered life) And I'm just sittin' and chillin'; a New Balance Babe, resting her gams.
Suddenly, my reverie is broken by a man shouting, "HEY!, HEY!" (sound of running) I glance up to see a young male tearing around the corner and dashing past the atrium and down the hall to the exit. Oh yes, he had two large shopping bags clutched in his left hand. (did I mention he was running very fast?) The adrenaline is pumping, my heart is pounding, and I'm thinking, "IDIOT! Why didn't you jump up and give chase?" It would have been the opportune time to yell something I've always longed to yell, "FREEZE! POLICE!" (Actually, there was a guy standing much closer, half my age, who, if he had just turned around and taken a few steps, could have nabbed the thief) Well, the security guards soon came by and questioned the victim of the theft. These guards didn't seem to be moving particularly fast, but they did have exceptional walkie-talkie skills. (now, if I had been in uniform, I would have questioned some of the bystanders)
It was hard not to think of what might have been:
DATELINE: Des Moines Register
"45 Year Old Woman Stops Thief" or,
"Soon To Be 46 Year Old Woman With Varicose Veins Trips Up Thief" OR,
"Mother of 10 in New Balance Tennis Shoes Runs Down Thief. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?"
(on the spot reporter) "Tell us, Ma Hoyt, how is it that a woman of your, er, maturity could stop a young fellow in the prime of his life?"
"Well, I owe it all to my New Balance tennis shoes and walking 4 miles a day. Oh yeah, I eat a lot of chocolate. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank my husband, Loren, my oldest daughter, Ar...."
"Ok folks, that's all we have time for.....(blah, blah, blah)"
Yep, there could have been fame and glory, not to mention major athletic endorsements.
But, on the other hand, this could have been part of a gang initiation rite. (yes, there are gangs in some of the larger Iowa cities) A few of the "brothers" might have decided a little retribution was in order. Well, it is over and done with. BUT, if a similar scenario ever presents itself again, I will be ready!
"AAaaaiiiiiii-YAH!" ("uh, could somebody help me up?.....")
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It is Thursday, The Big Shopping Day, in The Big City. Twice yearly, Ma Hoyt and whatever older girls are in residence take an entire day to visit various Goodwill stores and a particular resale shop we hold dear. Naturally, as the day progresses, we find we are in need of a little sustenance, so we are forced to make a stop at Arby's. And, once a year, we stop at the mall (yes, Iowa has malls) so that I can buy a decent pair of tennis shoes. (the value of which I discovered during my 8th pregnancy)
We call home from Arby's to let "the guys" know we are just having lunch, and might be running a little late. It is 3:30. Jason, in his usual sparkling phone manner responds, "Ohhh-kay."
Finally, we hit the mall and I acquire the long awaited footwear. Ahhh, it is time to find a bench, lace up my new tennies, and put my feet up. Sharon is off to Penny's for some obscure item, and Kendra is riding the escalators, pretending to windowshop, but in truth, she is joyriding the escalators. (we live a sheltered life) And I'm just sittin' and chillin'; a New Balance Babe, resting her gams.
Suddenly, my reverie is broken by a man shouting, "HEY!, HEY!" (sound of running) I glance up to see a young male tearing around the corner and dashing past the atrium and down the hall to the exit. Oh yes, he had two large shopping bags clutched in his left hand. (did I mention he was running very fast?) The adrenaline is pumping, my heart is pounding, and I'm thinking, "IDIOT! Why didn't you jump up and give chase?" It would have been the opportune time to yell something I've always longed to yell, "FREEZE! POLICE!" (Actually, there was a guy standing much closer, half my age, who, if he had just turned around and taken a few steps, could have nabbed the thief) Well, the security guards soon came by and questioned the victim of the theft. These guards didn't seem to be moving particularly fast, but they did have exceptional walkie-talkie skills. (now, if I had been in uniform, I would have questioned some of the bystanders)
It was hard not to think of what might have been:
DATELINE: Des Moines Register
"45 Year Old Woman Stops Thief" or,
"Soon To Be 46 Year Old Woman With Varicose Veins Trips Up Thief" OR,
"Mother of 10 in New Balance Tennis Shoes Runs Down Thief. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?"
(on the spot reporter) "Tell us, Ma Hoyt, how is it that a woman of your, er, maturity could stop a young fellow in the prime of his life?"
"Well, I owe it all to my New Balance tennis shoes and walking 4 miles a day. Oh yeah, I eat a lot of chocolate. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank my husband, Loren, my oldest daughter, Ar...."
"Ok folks, that's all we have time for.....(blah, blah, blah)"
Yep, there could have been fame and glory, not to mention major athletic endorsements.
But, on the other hand, this could have been part of a gang initiation rite. (yes, there are gangs in some of the larger Iowa cities) A few of the "brothers" might have decided a little retribution was in order. Well, it is over and done with. BUT, if a similar scenario ever presents itself again, I will be ready!
"AAaaaiiiiiii-YAH!" ("uh, could somebody help me up?.....")
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posted by Ma Hoyt | 10:58 AM
3 Comments:
You're a good writer for an old lady.
:-)
If you do get a chance to stop a thief, can I get you to autograph the news article?
Just be careful, we wouldn't want to have to help Ardith organize a road trip up to Iowa to see her vigilante mom laid up in a hospital...
Appreciate the concern. Will take it under advisement.:-)
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