Today

I hesitate, sometimes, to write too much of Loren's day to day struggles. Believe me, I don't tell half of what goes on. So many people look at Loren, and because they do not see him in a hospital bed on a ventilator, are given the impression that life is fairly decent for him, just kinda slow. True, he doesn't have to go to work, though he certainly tried very hard to keep that up as long as he could. I can still remember the days before his first cardiac arrest when he had accumulated over 11 years of perfect attendance. That means no sick days, not even being late one time. There were a few instances when he came down with symptoms of the "24 hour flu" at work. He would empty his stomach in a nearby trash can, finish out the day, and then come home and sleep. That is the kind of man he was back then, and I just want people to know that.

I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to not be allowed to drive for over three years. When the defibrillator fires, it is essentially treating another cardiac arrest. We thank God it is there, but he hates getting shocked so very much. It is a tremendously scary moment. Then, it is at least a six month wait to even consider driving again. That gives you a small idea of the activity of his arrhythmias these past years.

Heart failure means the heart isn't working sufficiently anymore. It is not just being "rundown." It is an all encompassing fatigue that makes him feel "he is about to die." The heart not pumping blood effectively manages to bring about undesirable effects on other organ systems too. And now, even though my college girls know this, I want to reiterate, that despite all this, their dad is still hanging in there. :-) Today, however, was not the best of days for him.

We went out to have his protime checked, and as he sat down in the lab, his heart sped up just a little. Not enough to get shocked, but possibly enough to get paced. (the device will attempt pacing therapies if the heart is between 113 and 205) We will find out on Tuesday, for he is scheduled for his 3 month checkup with the good Dr. H. in Iowa City. He will probably be nervous until then. Also, the protime turned out to be 1.2, which is rather low. On the clotty side. I'm certain that will mean more labwork in a week or less. Might mean a few other changes in plans over the next few days. That used to irritate me, but I am starting to mellow in my old age. When something happens nowadays, I automatically go into contingency mode and start planning meals the kids can make, take milk and juice inventory, etc.

Ok now, before everyone is weeping into their lattes, let us move on to other matters.

The children have definitely "gelled" as a group over the summer. There is slightly less bickering and more camaraderie. Jason(16) has just begun to teach computer programming to Melinda.(11) This was their idea. She is an apt pupil, and may encourage Derek(13) to pick up his pace in that area.

On the artistic front, Carolyn (9) and Ethan (7) have created a chess board, complete with game pieces, out of Legos. Really, it quite beautiful. We shall see how long it stays intact.

It is still nice enough to spend lots of time out of doors, and even on a school day, Kendra (15) can take some of her reading outside and watch Trevor the Wonder Boy as he hunts for crickets, cicadas and other forms of "bug" life.

Nolan, who is officially in Kindergarten this year, already knows how to count to 100. We may try him on some phonics soon. He loves looking at books, and learning to read could be a key to keeping him out of mischief.

Well, enough said for now. Hopefully, not too much. I am reminded of what Marilla said to Anne in the movie version of *Anne of Green Gables,* "To despair is to turn one's back on God." I encourage myself and others to do neither.

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