The Jim-Bob Report: It's not good....

"Good evening, I'm Jim McDonald. Tonight, we had intended to bring you a wrap-up of the Oscars, but that show has been pre-empted by a breaking news story from Des Moines. We go now to our man in Iowa, Bob MacCackle. Bob? Fill us in, if you will. It must be mighty important to have replaced our coverage of the Oscars and their aftermath."

"It's just this, Jim...and let me tell you, your not gonna be-lieve it....in fact, I can't believe it, Jim. It....it....it just boggles the imagination...."

"What, Bob? WHAT?"

"Apparently, the majority of our viewing public doesn't care, Jim. Can you believe it? They don't care about the most important announcements of the year....who won the OSCARS!.....*sob*....excuse me....I'm gonna need a moment, here..."

"Now, Bob, let me see if I've heard this correctly. Are you saying, the American public has not been on the edge of their collective seats, waiting with anticipation for the winners to be announced?"

"...*sniff*....Yes, Jim. That's JUST what I'm saying. And it gets worse. Recent polls have shown that almost 70 % of the viewing public thinks people in the movie industry are self-absorbed, pretentious, and narcissistic."

"Narcissistic? Now Bob, let's be absolutely clear on this....are we talking the pompous, arrogant and overbearing type of narcissism? Or are we referring to more of an egotistical, self-centered and vain....mmmm....vein?"

"All that and more, Jim....including conceited, self-serving, snobbish and supercilious."

"Oh, not 'supercilious!' Anything but that....say it isn't SO, Bob...."

"That's a 'negatory' on not being supercilious, Jim. But I haven't even touched on all the ramifications of this. As hard as it may be to understand, this attitude carries over into television, and yes, even newscasting, Jim!.....*sniff*....*hic*.....(can somebody please get me a glass of seltzer water? European, if you've got it....)"

"Well Bob, this simply defies all common sense. Doesn't the public know we have only the most altruistic motives behind every story we report? Every million dollars we make for reading off the teleprompter--which isn't as easy as it sounds--means nothing compared to the love of disseminating news each day, to those whose right it is to know ?"

I'm sorry, Jim...did you say disseminating? Or decimating? We may be having an audio problem here......(Kyle, get me my earphones with the Peruvian lambskin covers, fer cryin' out loud...!)"

"Disseminating, Bob, as in 'promulgate.'...."

"Wait a sec, Jim. Let me look that last word up on my Blackberry.....'P'...'R'.....uh, what comes after 'R,' Jim?"

"'O'...*sigh*....Alright, Bob....I'm sensing we may need to take a step back, and just get a feel for the moment....*mutters*....(next thing you know, people won't be interested in the Olympics,...in....in...Bode.....)"

"Uh, Jim....the Olympics were the next part of the survey....and...well....it doesn't look good...."

"AARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH! What is WRONG with humanity??!!....."

*fade to black*

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