In Pursuit of Quality

Having just read through most of the Quality Enhancement Plan for LeTourneau University, it has become quite clear that I've fallen down on the job.

I refer to homeschooling, or as we say in nontraditional education circles, Home Schooling. (HS)

I have convened a quick focus group--containing one member--and the preliminary assessment of current educational deficits include:

• lack of acronyms
  
• lack of focus groups
  
• lack of committees
  
• lack of sub-committees
  
• lack of snappy titles
  
• lack of confusing and totally useless educational jargon
  
• lack of business-speak language
  
• lack of ePortfolios

That's a lot 'o lacks, or as we say in Home Schooling Circles (HSC), an Unacceptable Quantity of Unquantified Items Requiring Remedialactualization (UQUIRR).

But not to fear, Ma has a plan! Let it not be said that we of the HSC are loathe to keep up with today's technology, or what is more important, today's burgeoning bureaucracy.

Even now, I am in the process of assembling various focus groups who will immediately begin brainstorming on the important matters of outcomes, assessments, surveys and implementation activities.

These are exciting times we live in, people. (may I call you that? Thanks. Just call me "Ma") And I am sure, that within a few short years and a minimum of a gazillion committee meetings, we will have this ironed out and a tidy 50 page report in your hands. (a shorter, monosyllabic synopsis will be available for those of the "less than knowledgeable population.")

For example, take this potty-training business.....(please!)....we realize, somewhat tardily, that this whole process could have fallen into the category of "Meal Survey," (MS) or "Digestive Outcomes," (DO) or.....or something. The "what" is not nearly as important as finding a really big word to describe it. And even more critical than naming is the assessment that should have taken place after each....umm....causatum.

I imagine that had little Junior known his potty-training efforts/failures/successes would have been recorded in an ePortfolio, he might just have tried a little harder, a little sooner. The foundational item being, not "what" or "when," but that it has been duly burned onto a CD.

Naturally, the child/educational component's chronicle will come in quite handy when the time rolls around for college application. But I say, why just a CD? Why not a DVD? That way, the college can actually observe the child blossom from 1st grade nose-picking, to 12th grade nit-picking over which word for Mom's Educational Outcomes Assessment Survey (MEOAS) is the most impressive--while still retaining that intrinsic quality of torpid nonsensicality.

In color.

With surround sound.

Quite possibly, a little academic learning will take place in-between-times. And, even if no knowledge is absorbed, at least we'll have a record of it.

But for now, I need to get right down to the hard business of appointing ad-hoc committees, developing surveys and cultivating moral intentionality.

There's no time to waste.

Education is at stake.....
 

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