Open letter to Joe Mouse

Well, we haven't heard from you in a while, Joe, despite the fact you've gotten your own blog. I wonder why that is, Joe....hmmm?

Scared, perhaps? Too scared to even publish my comment on your third post, eh?

Well, just to show you that I am a Ma of principles, I'm giving you fair warning of a new addition to my arsenal of weaponry.

Behold.....
 
.....Bait Blocks!

Nice, aren't they. Such a pretty shade of turquoise. And just the right shape for gnawing on.

You like to gnaw, don't you, Joe? Of course, "you cain't hep it." It's those intolerable incisors of yours. If you didn't gnaw, those front toothies would reach past your toes....after they curled around your head a couple of times.

We're talkin' Howard Hughes fingernails, Joe....and Ma ain't jokin'.

And I almost forgot....when I came home from shopping, I found another dead cousin in the middle of the floor.

Really, Joe, you guys should be more careful. You're starting to freak out the kids, just stumbling around and dying willy-nilly amongst the toys.

MOST unprofessional.

I carefully and respectfully tossed it outside. (which might explain that stray cat hangin' around)

This lack of attention to detail, plus your horrible spelling, lead me to believe you did not attend college.

Now Joe, you know what they say...."you'd better study hard and stay in college, or you might end up on the front lines somewheres." (or words to that effect) I have that from a very reliable source, Joe. I only pass it along for your own good.

And another thing, have you considered the precariousness of your position? Your undying trust (metaphorically speaking) in a certain person who has "egged you on," (again, total metaphorics) could very well be displaced.

Did not this same person actually KILL a mouse on his own premises? Oh sure, he blames his wife (a very sensible and intelligent female personage, if I may say so...), but the fact of the matter is.....HE KILLED THE MOUSE!

Methinks your "mentor" may not have your best interests in mind. Perhaps he is only thinking of his own cheese, my friend.

I know this information may cause you mental pain, Joe, but someone has to do the noble thing. SOME-one has to tell you what you need to know, and not just what you want to hear.

The honest truth is....we only kill the smallest amount of rodents necessary. Just like the Plains Indians in their quest for buffalo, we only take of which we need. We even say a little prayer before we slay you guys, asking forgiveness and all that....or at least we would, if we thought about it while we were screaming.

It's not our fault that we keep needing and needing more mouse-pelts. Have you every tried to clothe ten children, Joe? Have you?

I didn't think so.

So, there you have it. I don't wish to alarm you, Joe.....just want to be sporting and all that.

*high fives the kids*

For your own safety, don't come up this-a-way. It's nothing personal Joe, other than the desire to avoid pestilence, chewed up possessions and really bad smells.

But other than that, it's not personal.

And besides, Joe....it's a scientific fact that mice who stay cool will live longer. See? If you just stick to the out-of-doors, there won't be any problems.

p.s. Is there anyone I should notify in case of your....er.....demise?
 

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