Thoughts on Gravy

Sundays and crockpots just go together somehow.

Shortly before The Red Green Show comes on Saturday night, take a cheap roast (oxymoron) out of the freezer and plunk it in the pot.

Actually, don't plunk it. I did that once and managed to break a slightly cracked crock into two seperate pieces. It was very sad.

Anyway, put a little water in the crockpot, GENTLY place the roast in and set her on low overnight. Even if you have one of those longish chuck roasts, just tilt the lid and let her settle in as she warms up.

This is preferable to taking the butcher knife and hacking through a frozen roast, so it will fit into a round crockpot.....which I have done, but don't necessarily recommend.

When you awaken on Sunday morning, toss in two beef bullion cubes, salt, pepper and garlic powder. Cut up a large onion and then empty one of those bags of baby carrots into the mix.

Oh yes, always remember to put the lid back on....for some reason, this just works better.

By the time you come home from church, you dinner will be practically ready. All you'll have to do is cook the rice, which is about how long it will take for little boys to change out of their good clothes after getting distracted by their computers, first.

Really competent cooks will have prepared the rice before church, but those kind of people are already overachievers and I don't think we ought to encourage them. (besides, I used to do that, until I forgot to turn off the burner before going out the door, and ended up with a pretty disgusting mix of white, tan, brown and black granules)

And no matter if you've stuck potatoes in the crockpot, or have gone the rice route, YOU ARE DEFINITELY GOING TO NEED GRAVY! (this will become obvious the second time your husband asks, "Is there anything to go on this?")

Now, it is time to kill one of those urban myths about gravy:

Throwing ice cubes into the broth will NOT attract the fat. Oh, I know we've been told that the fat will congeal around the cold cubes, allowing you to pluck them out, along with a gazillion calories, but take it from me....this is not true.

Indeed, what happens is a rather astounding phenomenon: : the hot liquid melts the cold ice cubes! And since you are fast acquiring more liquid than previously desired, you quickly fish the cubes--now half their original size--and plop them into a nearby glass.

Time for the ol' tried-and-true method of ladling out the fat by hand. As you dump each dipper of fat into the handy nearby glass--which incidentally still contains the ice cubes--you will notice the fat forming a thick shell around each cold cube.

PAY NO ATTENTION TO THIS! The cubes are just trying to make you mad.

In order to make a less fatty gravy than your usual flour/butter mixture, you should turn to the cornstarch box and take out two glopfulls of stuff and mix with cold water. (one glopfull equals a heaping, HEAPING tablespoon. and no one ever tells you why it has to be cold water....)

Having turned your crockpot up to "high," you now mix the pearly white concoction into the broth with a wire whisk, stirring briskly. (this stirring will be all the more brisk if you have taken out the meat and veggies, first....what? I have to tell you everything ?)

So there you are stirring, and it seems a little thicker, but not quite thick enough. You will then be tempted to put another glop of cornstarch into the mix.

RESIST THIS TEMPTATION!

If you give in, you will soon find the gravy achieving a rather charismatic texture, fully capable of standing up and hollaring "Glory, Halle-lu-jah, which is thought to be somewhat intimidating to both humans and rice.

Not to worry. If you've given way to gravy exuberance, simply throw in some milk until the appropriate pouring properties are achieved.

And, it's just----that----easy.

(but not as easy as one of those packaged gravy mixes from the store)
 

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