The Jim-Bob Report

“Good evening. This is Jim McDonald with the first part of our new faith-based series. In traveling the country, our field reporter Bob MacCackle has run across numerous human interest stories with a spiritual twist. Tonight he reports out of Iowa on the rising phenomenon of other-wordly visitations.”

“Bob? What have you got for us this evening?”

“Well Jim, big news doesn't happen only in big cities. There are many small communities where life-changing events are occurring. While traveling through central Iowa, I ran across a prime example at the home of Ma Hoyt. In fact, I have Ma right here with me now....Ma? Come on over and explain to the folks at home what you've seen”

“I'd be glad to, Mr. MacCackle....”

“Please, call me 'Bob.' ”

“OK, Mr. Bob...It's like this: I was thinking about doing some intensive housecleaning, running over the mental prep work—the trickiest part, really. So I was taking inventory of the ceilings, with cobwebs, you know, estimating length, size...”

“Wait a minute, Ma...you have cobwebs? As in, hanging cobwebs ?”

“Yo, Bobbo, stay with me, here. ANY-way, as I passed into the bathroom, I turned around, looked over the doorway, and THERE IT WAS. I could hardly breathe, I'm tellin' ya. Come see for yourself, Bob...”

“Hmmmm. You're gonna hafta help me out here, Ma. What is it?”

  
“Are you kidding me? Are you blind, man? It's Puddleglum, of course. Praying by his bed!”

*sounds of squinting*

“Oh. Well, maybe....”

“There's no maybe a-bout it, fellah. Course, I would expect that from an unbeliever. But I knew immediately that I had something pretty special on my hands. Or on my wall, rather. I knew right away that I had to put all thoughts of cleaning aside, and think about the deeper ramifications of this miraculous visitation from on high.”

“Ma? Jim McDonald here...if I may interject a question at this point?”

“Sure, Jim. Ask away.”

“Well Ma, I was just wondering...now, don't take this personally....but for the sake of any skeptical viewers we might have, how would you distinguish this appearance as something...say, other-worldly, as opposed to...mmm....your common species of cobweb which can appear when one has fallen drastically behind in the housekeeping department?”

*silence*

“Ma? Did you hear my question, Ma?”

“Jim? Bob, here. Ma Hoyt doesn't wish to speak to you anymore. Said something about you being even more of an unbeliever, and emitting bad vibes. Do you feel like your emitting, Jim?”

“Well I....I....”

“Just take a deep breath, Jim, and let me see if I can pick up the thread of the interview....Ma? How do you think this miraculous occurrence will change your life?”

“I'm glad you asked me that, Bob. Besides an easy out for that whole spring-cleaning rigmarole, I expect to have quite a marketable effect on the surrounding community, state and even the country. See, pilgrims are already starting to come for the viewing of the Holy Cobweb, Bob. And I aim to be there with appropriate reading materials as well as aids to their search for meaning from all of this. Even as we speak, there are several books going to press that will enlighten visitors on the deeper implications and spiritual nuances of this heavenly appearance.”

“Well Ma, can you give us any specifics?”

“Absolutely, Bob. Right away we thought of the obvious....'WWPD' ”

“I'm sorry....what was that?”

“WWPD, Bob. What Would Puddleglum DO. Fer cryin' out loud, Bob, where have you been? Livin' in a cave or something? ANYway, that work will be followed shortly by another important spiritual help, The Purpose Driven Puddleglum. And just to show we aren't forgetting the youngsters, we've got, Marshwiggle Tribulation Force, the video game. But that's just in Beta, so it won't be ready until the fall....”

“WHOA! I am impressed. But Ma, really now, aren't you afraid all this is going too far? Becoming too commercialized?”

“A fair question, Bob, a fair question. That certainly could be the case, if we weren't also planning to provide time and space for quiet reflection and meditation. Architectural plans are on the drawing board for a small chapel to be built next to our garden, tentatively to be named Church of the Open Store, though that's not set in stone. And let me hasten to add, that while there will be a small charge for each book and video game, half of the proceeds will go to charity, one quarter to pay for materials, and the other quarter will be retained for plant maintenance and chocolate.”

“ 'Plant maintenance ' Ma? What exactly does that entail?”

“Well Bob, for one thing, I plan to hire a cleaning lady, so...yeah.”

“And there you have it, Jim. Big, BIG projects in the works for lil' ol Iowa. Back to you, Jim.”

“Thank you Bob, for that fascinating report. Give my regards to Ma, and tell her 'No hard feelings,” alright?”

....*pause*....”That's negatory Jim. She says there are still unpleasant waves coming towards her from your direction, but that if you give a small donation to the chapel, she feels pretty sure things would change for the better. Back to you, Jim.”

.....*sigh*....”And that's the news for this evening, folks. Take care and....say a little prayer for me, won't you?

This is Jim McDonald saying,

Good-night”
 

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