A time for reflection

The clouds are once again rolling in from the west. And as Carolyn endeavors to mow one more patchwork piece of the lawn, I feel led to reflect on what I learned from my recent trip out to Indiana.

1) There really never is a good time to drive through (or under) Chicago.

2) No matter how carefully you watch the gas prices you will find a station that sells for 12 cents cheaper ten miles after you fill up the tank.

3) To quote my sister Nancy, "You can put a shoe in the oven, but that doesn't make it a biscuit." She was actually quoting Pete Seeger, noted folksinger and dreaded potential Communist, and HE might have been quoting Langston Hughes, poet of the Harlem Renaissance.

(personally, I think the phrase is more effective if the word "don't" is substituted for the word "doesn't," but I don't feel the need to quibble over contractions. The important thing to remember here is that men shouldn't cook)

4) As daughter Sharon explained, the women in France aren't fat because they just eat the parts they want to; i.e. the chocolate chips out of the chocolate chip cookie. If we extrapolate this further, we come to the obvious conclusion that one can remain slim by eating what one wants, when one wants to.

This would explain why I am eating chocolate pudding cake and vanilla ice cream right before lunch.

After all, the Rapture could come at any ti...

*WHOOSH*

JUST KIDDING!

(c'mon...how many of you were scared...)

Speaking of thrills,

5) Ma has exceptional reflexes, as illustrated by this reenactment drawing of my near accident.
Please do not be distracted by the impeccable artwork (notice the accurate direction designations?)

The fact of the matter is/was, Ma can be seen in the middle of the picture, quickly swerving into the southbound lane as the Evil Black Car of Stupidity suddenly stops after attempting to pull across my line of fire....er, direction.

Yes, it was raining. Yes, the car I was driving was silver and sorta blended into the pavement.

BUT, it was not yet four in the afternoon and I HAD MY LIGHTS ON!

True, I was fiddling with the radio buttons, but that had no effect on his pulling out from the crossroad to my right.

That merely required a left-handed twist of the wheel to the left and then right, neatly avoiding the Evil Black Car of Stupidity and just as neatly returning to my proper lane. All the more incredible when you remember that I am right-handed.

The southbound lane is to be commended for having no traffic at that moment. Otherwise, we're talkin' head-on collision and I suspect a 4 or 5 car pile-up.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but just in case someone of a husbandly nature is reading, there is NO WAY I could have braked and avoided that car. I can actually remember having that flash through my brain.

The adroit evasive maneuver was practically pure instinct, and while an oncoming car would certainly have presented a grave situation, it is entirely possibly than my lightning quick mind took in that stretch of roadway and seeing the all-clear determined the oncoming lane would indeed be safe.

That's the way I prefer to think of it, anyway.

But basically, God was watching out for me.
________________

Those being some of the more salient points, and Nolan needing to go see the dentist, Ma shall pull this time of reflection to a close.

If I were to encapsulate all the above wisdom into one sentence it would have to be:

"Don't stick foot-ware in the oven and never, NEVER trust a black car."

 

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