The Progeny
The Jim-Bob Report
"Good evening. I'm Jim McDonald, and tonight on Eye of the Hawk News we'll be looking in-depth at the Obama presidency, specifically, his first 50 days in office. We go to our political reporter, who is also our Iowa reporter, and in fact, he's our only reporter, Bob MacCackle. Bob? Good evening...what can you tell us?"
"Evening, Jim. The interns and I have been crunching the numbers, and I just hafta say, it's extraordinary!"
"Uh...just what do you mean by, 'crunching the numbers,' Bob?"
"Aw, give me a break, Jim. Erin Burnett and Phil LeBeau do it all the time! I've been waiting to 'crunch the numbers' like...for-ever, man. Why you comin' down on me so hard? Is it only the economic reporters that get to 'crunch the numbers,' Jim? Huh Jim? Is it? 'Cause, just tell me and I'll forget it, Jim. Even though me and the interns stayed up half the night, workin' our calculators 'til they smoked...*sniff*..."
"Alright now, Bob. Get a new calculator, did we? Is that what this is all about?"
"Well no...I mean, um...yeah, maybe. Anyway, this new one is a graphing calculator, Jim. So not only can we 'crunch the numbers,' we can graph those babies and print out pretty pictures, too! But getting back to the report, Jim..."
"Yes Bob...that would be nice..."
"So, we have now officially come through the first 50 days of the Obama presidency. And what that means is....*sound of clicking*...there are only 50 more days left in the first 100 days, Jim. Can you believe it? We're half-way through the first 100 days! "
"O-kay. And then what, Bob? What comes after the first 100 days?"
"That's just it, Jim. Nobody knows for sure. I mean...do we start counting off another 100 days? Do we start looking toward the 150th day? The 200th day? And what about the dog, Jim...I mean, are they expecting us to start over counting days from when the dog arrives? Will there be a 'first 100 days' of the dog? Or is it 50...or maybe it doesn't start until the puppy is housebroken...and that's another thing, Jim...am I gonna need another calculator for the dog?. 'Cause we're talkin' an increase in the lousy expense account, Jim...I can't keep pulling these great stories together with the expense account of a tree frog, Jim! I...I...I can't breathe, Jim...I....*gasp*...I can't....*cough*..."
"Now Bob...take it easy, Bob...you need to have Kevin-the-intern get you a drink of water...Keven? Get that man a drink of water....*whispered*...Kevin? 'Code Valium,' Keven...'Code Valium!'...*turns back toward audience*...Well ladies and gentlemen, that's all we have time for, tonight. Join us next time when we have an exclusive interview with Brian William's dog, Lucy. We'll ask penetrating, no-holds-barred questions, like, is the name 'Lucy' a subtle reference to the Beatles' album Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band? where the song Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds caused such furor? Exactly what does ol' Brian put in those doggie treats, anyway?
All this and more, in our next report. Until then, this is Jim McDonald, for Bob MacCackle and all of us here at Eye of the Hawk News, wishing everyone,
good-night."
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"Evening, Jim. The interns and I have been crunching the numbers, and I just hafta say, it's extraordinary!"
"Uh...just what do you mean by, 'crunching the numbers,' Bob?"
"Aw, give me a break, Jim. Erin Burnett and Phil LeBeau do it all the time! I've been waiting to 'crunch the numbers' like...for-ever, man. Why you comin' down on me so hard? Is it only the economic reporters that get to 'crunch the numbers,' Jim? Huh Jim? Is it? 'Cause, just tell me and I'll forget it, Jim. Even though me and the interns stayed up half the night, workin' our calculators 'til they smoked...*sniff*..."
"Alright now, Bob. Get a new calculator, did we? Is that what this is all about?"
"Well no...I mean, um...yeah, maybe. Anyway, this new one is a graphing calculator, Jim. So not only can we 'crunch the numbers,' we can graph those babies and print out pretty pictures, too! But getting back to the report, Jim..."
"Yes Bob...that would be nice..."
"So, we have now officially come through the first 50 days of the Obama presidency. And what that means is....*sound of clicking*...there are only 50 more days left in the first 100 days, Jim. Can you believe it? We're half-way through the first 100 days! "
"O-kay. And then what, Bob? What comes after the first 100 days?"
"That's just it, Jim. Nobody knows for sure. I mean...do we start counting off another 100 days? Do we start looking toward the 150th day? The 200th day? And what about the dog, Jim...I mean, are they expecting us to start over counting days from when the dog arrives? Will there be a 'first 100 days' of the dog? Or is it 50...or maybe it doesn't start until the puppy is housebroken...and that's another thing, Jim...am I gonna need another calculator for the dog?. 'Cause we're talkin' an increase in the lousy expense account, Jim...I can't keep pulling these great stories together with the expense account of a tree frog, Jim! I...I...I can't breathe, Jim...I....*gasp*...I can't....*cough*..."
"Now Bob...take it easy, Bob...you need to have Kevin-the-intern get you a drink of water...Keven? Get that man a drink of water....*whispered*...Kevin? 'Code Valium,' Keven...'Code Valium!'...*turns back toward audience*...Well ladies and gentlemen, that's all we have time for, tonight. Join us next time when we have an exclusive interview with Brian William's dog, Lucy. We'll ask penetrating, no-holds-barred questions, like, is the name 'Lucy' a subtle reference to the Beatles' album Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band? where the song Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds caused such furor? Exactly what does ol' Brian put in those doggie treats, anyway?
All this and more, in our next report. Until then, this is Jim McDonald, for Bob MacCackle and all of us here at Eye of the Hawk News, wishing everyone,
good-night."
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posted by Ma Hoyt | 9:13 AM
3 Comments:
I thought you were gonna say that after the do arrives we'll have to start measuring the time in dog years. Heh.
That would have been very good! I wish I'd thought of that...
Surely Lucy is a subtle reference to the Peanuts. They were considering the name Snoopy but then realized he was a she...
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