Doin's of the Old Folks

Ma and El Hubbo went out on another UN-date, last evening. Loren needed a few togs, in part because of Ardith's wedding, and just because he hardly ever buys clothes for himself. It'll be going down as a chapter with the working title,

Enhancing Spousal Communication Through Shopping

in the marriage handbook I'm writing.

Menards: While Loren took a quick side trip to the precious metals section in plumbing, I made straight away for the paint department. I had not been perusing the sample cards long, when he rejoined me with the observation, "Oh...you're looking at the ex-pensive brand......"

(this is good! It tells the husband that he picked someone with exquisite taste. Choose a few cards from each paint brand and say you want to "think about it." This will tell him you are not an impulse buyer, but wish to carefully consider your options before you make him pay through the nose)

Goodwill: Ties cost 50 cents. Loren bought FOUR. He showed them to me for approval, and I nixed a couple since they looked "old," though whether or not a 58-year-old needs to worry about this is debatable... Also, Loren found four suit jackets that fit him. Yay for Goodwill!

(the husband wanting the approval of his wife for ties and jackets is generally a good thing. Just remember to let him down gently when propriety and good taste force you to ax the stuff he thought was cool)

Wal*Mart: Loren picked out a couple of dress shirts while I snatched two bags of Dove's Dark Chocolates. Then we went to the shoe department where our previous suspicions were confirmed. WAL*MART HAS PRACTICALLY NOTHING BY WAY OF DRESS SHOES. Oh well.

(letting him find his own shirts while you look at candy tells him that you trust his judgment. His snorting at the chocolate, unfortunately, communicates that he does not understand you were saving a whole dollar by buying it in Waterloo instead of Iowa Falls. Make a note to reinforce how terribly thrifty you are...)

At this point, there was some debate about seeing a movie, but since Ma was hungry, El Hubbo was quite agreeable to hitting Carlos O'Kelley's. Ma prudently chose a low-priced, low-cal dinner with only 310 calories! Unfortunately, it was liberally sprinkled with...cilantro. After that it was just a soapy salad. And since Loren wasn't that fond of his selection, we bonded in our distaste of the food.

(mutual feelings about restaurants are very important, as a couple. To further the bonding process, why don't both of you start a group on Facebook, "I don't like Carlos O'Kelly's." ?)

And now, the place every red-blooded American male hates, The Mall !

Famous Footwear: I had already been here TWICE, with two college students. But going there with Loren was an utterly new experience. Let's just say I now know where Derek gets his perfectionist genes. First of all, when a person insists on trying on the matching shoe even though the first one was clearly "too tight," and then continues by meticulously tying the shoelace, all the while proclaiming, "Oh yeah...this is definitely too tight," you will not be surprised to see them restuffing every scrap of tissue paper into the toes, and reinserting each shoe into its protective plastic baggie, before he tries on another pair.

What DID surprise me was coming away with not one, but TWO pairs of dress shoes, black and brown. Of course, they will need to last him until the end of his life, after which both Jason and Derek will be required to wear them for a minimum of five years, each.

You would think that with three visits in the space of two months, Ma could qualify for some type of bonus from The Store of Famous Feet. And I did: approximately one half of one nib from one shoelace.

(a good wife will help her husband in the shoe selection process by restuffing the tissue paper in the unwanted shoes while he tries on a new pair. He will think you are being attentive, when in reality, you JUST WANT TO GET HOME BEFORE MIDNIGHT, but he doesn't need to know this. He would only look at you blankly if you explained it anyway, wondering how you could be thinking of sleep when he is undergoing the horror of choosing dress shoes)

Wal*Mart: Yes, we went there again. When you buy two pairs of shoes, important needs suddenly pop up, like matching socks and shoe polish. And due to Loren's careful examination of the merchandise, I was able to visit the powder room and grab two tins of polish before he'd decided on the bamboo.

(again, giving the husband time to make his own choices gives him practice in the art of shopping, and gives the two of you respite from each other. Shopping together is one thing, but always remember....the length of time should be carefully monitored! Shopping with a spouse for more than two hours should only to be attempted by professionals)

And that's when we decided to head for home. It was dark, plus I had fresh chocolate to help rid my system of the effects of cilantro.

The kids had been well taken care of: two pizzas, eaten in the living room while watching The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Coupled with chocolate milk earlier in the day, this means they've pretty much peaked and life goes downhill from here on out. Their current plan is to try and hang on until college, where it is assumed they can forage to their heart's content amongst cafeteria offerings.

Yeah kids...good luck with that.

Luck, on the other hand, has nothing to do with positive spousal communication while shopping. As long as he gets to buy something and she gets to eat out, everyone's happy.
 

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