The Progeny
Makeover Madness
So, it is break-time between appointments at Mayo. Loren is snoozing on a sun-drenched couch and I and my crossword puzzles are comfortably settled in a chair. I glance at the magazine table beside me and see, "Parents," lying there.
Hmmm, it's been awhile since I'd seen a copy. Might as well check it out and see what I'm doing wrong now. "Twelve Scarey Hazards Parents Miss..." Yep, I have regularly transgressed 9 of the 12. And yet, my children continue to survive. What's up with that?
But the most interesting article by far was, "Extreme Makeovers for New Moms!"
It seems that Nicole and Stephanie, cousins, had both had babies and were now looking for ways to update their appearance.
"Parents" Magazine Cosmetic Artist: "To make her eyes *pop*, we used a copper brown shimmer near the outer corners."
Ma Hoyt's Makeup Hint: mimicking the Lincoln penny aside, I found that the crucial eye problem was keeping them open after losing extraordinary amounts of sleep. Toothpicks propped under each eyelid can work wonders.
"Parents" Magazine Cosmetic Artist: "For those dark circles under the eyes, concealer is crucial."
Ma Hoyt's Makeup Hint: Concealer, finally something practical. But, don't give me any of this "mamby pamby" stuff for under the eyes. When you've got a concealer that hides the ENTIRE face, then we'll talk. (That, and the whole shebang has to take five minutes or less)
So much for makeup, now for the CLOTHES.
Apparently Nicole has to return to work and make a good impression. She acquires:
Gap rose cardigan ($44);
Benetton wide-leg plaid pants ($109);
Redfish Designs silk scarf ($24);
Helen Welsh Rhinestone pin ($34);
Brahmin LeatherWorks croc-embossed purse ($350);
Nine West leather pumps ($69); "Ka-CHING!!" ($630)
And that was just one outfit. But what I really want to know, is where did they find that croc to do the embossing work? How did he manage it with those claws and everything? And, most importantly, was this accomplished in a croc sweat shop, or what? (where is PETA when you really need them?)
And now we come to Stephanie, who must be lauded since she is not returning to work.
"Stephanie's Sensational stay-at-home style":
Benetton hot pink quilted jacket ($149);
Gap pink-checked buttondown ($44);
Old Navy lace-up canvas sneakers ($19.50);
Coach multicolored suede tote ($398); "Ka-CHING!!" ($610.50)
That last item defies all reason. The suede but silly bag probably costs more than the kid's carseat. Maybe she can use it to carry his little Gucci pacifier. I have a suggestion for Stephanie: "Honey, get a job! You're gonna need it to pay for all that *Sensational Stay-at-Home Style.*"
Well, I guess that's as close to a "rant" as I have come. Personally, I would love to take these ladies out to some of my favorite Goodwill stores. You can get name brands, even designer clothes. (and it helps to be willing to wear something 2 or 3 sizes too large)
Personally, I plan to buy stock in purses and totes.
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Hmmm, it's been awhile since I'd seen a copy. Might as well check it out and see what I'm doing wrong now. "Twelve Scarey Hazards Parents Miss..." Yep, I have regularly transgressed 9 of the 12. And yet, my children continue to survive. What's up with that?
But the most interesting article by far was, "Extreme Makeovers for New Moms!"
It seems that Nicole and Stephanie, cousins, had both had babies and were now looking for ways to update their appearance.
"Parents" Magazine Cosmetic Artist: "To make her eyes *pop*, we used a copper brown shimmer near the outer corners."
Ma Hoyt's Makeup Hint: mimicking the Lincoln penny aside, I found that the crucial eye problem was keeping them open after losing extraordinary amounts of sleep. Toothpicks propped under each eyelid can work wonders.
"Parents" Magazine Cosmetic Artist: "For those dark circles under the eyes, concealer is crucial."
Ma Hoyt's Makeup Hint: Concealer, finally something practical. But, don't give me any of this "mamby pamby" stuff for under the eyes. When you've got a concealer that hides the ENTIRE face, then we'll talk. (That, and the whole shebang has to take five minutes or less)
So much for makeup, now for the CLOTHES.
Apparently Nicole has to return to work and make a good impression. She acquires:
Gap rose cardigan ($44);
Benetton wide-leg plaid pants ($109);
Redfish Designs silk scarf ($24);
Helen Welsh Rhinestone pin ($34);
Brahmin LeatherWorks croc-embossed purse ($350);
Nine West leather pumps ($69); "Ka-CHING!!" ($630)
And that was just one outfit. But what I really want to know, is where did they find that croc to do the embossing work? How did he manage it with those claws and everything? And, most importantly, was this accomplished in a croc sweat shop, or what? (where is PETA when you really need them?)
And now we come to Stephanie, who must be lauded since she is not returning to work.
"Stephanie's Sensational stay-at-home style":
Benetton hot pink quilted jacket ($149);
Gap pink-checked buttondown ($44);
Old Navy lace-up canvas sneakers ($19.50);
Coach multicolored suede tote ($398); "Ka-CHING!!" ($610.50)
That last item defies all reason. The suede but silly bag probably costs more than the kid's carseat. Maybe she can use it to carry his little Gucci pacifier. I have a suggestion for Stephanie: "Honey, get a job! You're gonna need it to pay for all that *Sensational Stay-at-Home Style.*"
Well, I guess that's as close to a "rant" as I have come. Personally, I would love to take these ladies out to some of my favorite Goodwill stores. You can get name brands, even designer clothes. (and it helps to be willing to wear something 2 or 3 sizes too large)
Personally, I plan to buy stock in purses and totes.
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posted by Ma Hoyt | 6:39 PM
4 Comments:
Goodwill is good. But lucky me, I've got something even better--The Botique. In olden days this was known as the missionary barrel, but that was before numerous retired folks from Iowa and further north started coming each winter to work there. It takes a considerable effort to sort all those gently worn Gap cardigans and to catch, tag, and release those croc bags. For me, it is "Take all you want, but use all you take." And while free stuff is great, sometimes it is just as wonderful to have a place to take all of my own castoffs--so the poor missionaries can have something to wear.
Thank heavens for Goodwill, thrift shops, and clearance at store closures. If not for them we could only afford one outfit for each year the way the "mags" suggest. If we are still growing which about 8 of my ten are then, what would they wear on laundry day?? Besides when they get in the "I got to have it mode" I am lucky the I normally am in the "You get to pay for it mode". And normally both modes just cancel each other out. Besides as responsible "Mothers" such as we wonderful ladies - it is all a matter of training. We can learn to like just about anything if trained to such as food (grateful to have some that my brother didnt eat) clothes (In CA different is cool)and large families (what better training on how to get along with college roomates) MoM/Lisa
Here's my transition from the blog and previous comments - I went to Goodwill last weekend, and bought five articles for 11 dollars.
Mommy and Daddy, since I don't have access to AIM right now, thought I would tell you that the Computer Services office has my computer now. I was prompted to action last night, when it rebooted after I had typed the first page of the French paper due this morning. Somehow my paper disappeared despite being saved twice. Hoping to be back online Monday.
The apples are sitting in the post office right now, because I forgot to check my mail till after work. Maybe you picked them a little early? Thank you, Mommy!
Posting is easier than emailing, and this way I can bother everyone else too. No matter what it sounds like, all's going well. I love you both.
Smart shopping, ma chère :-) You are a chip off the ol'feminine block. Always remember my motto: "You can never have too many jean dresses or jean skirts."
Losing the page to a French paper made me feel a little sick. I hope that all worked out.
Feel free to utilize this avenue in any way you see fit.
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