**Exclusive Interview**

"Good evening. My name is Bob MacCackle and I am so very awesomely excited to bring you my first one-on-one prime time interview. *waves and grins* Hi Mom! *cough* Alright then...I have with me tonight, the distinguished Dr. WrathofKahn, who recently leapt out of obscurity with his groundbreaking fruity new development, the now famous, "Shetland Apple."

MacCackle: "Welcome, Dr. WrathofKahn, and thank you for your willingness to sit down and share details of your new discovery with us."

WrathofKahn: "Thank you, Mr. MacCackle. I am happy to be of service. The world can only benefit from what I have to say."

MacCackle: *blinks* "Yes, well then, Doctor, perhaps we should start by your telling us the inspiration, the idea or vision, if you will, for tackling this bold project in the first place...."

WoK: That's funny you should mention 'vision'. It all started one evening, when I was quietly sitting, eating pungent salami and reading my Spiderman comics. Suddenly, a mist came over my eyes, and I was transported, or I should say, my mind was transported to another place, another planet, to be exact...."

MaC: "Another planet? *shuffles papers* That wasn't in the bio....."

WoK: "My son, you must HUSH! I had not finished speaking....as I was saying, I was mentally transported to another planet, where I was given detailed instructions concerning the coming Apple-apocalypse."

MaC: "The apoca--what?"

WoK: "The Apple--a-pocalypse. I was warned that the world would soon undergo a terrible fruition maelstrom. An assault from a most insidious insect. I later came to realize that this referred to Government sanctioned Lady Bird Beetles declaring war on all the apples in the land. My otherworldly instructors implored unto me: Save the apples! Beware the beetle. And whatever you do, don't let any of them crawl into your ears! After that I was transported back down to a gravel road intersection. I could tell you the exact location, but I do not wish to have anyone erect a shrine on my behalf."

MaC: "Well now, that is rather astounding! But.....umm....if we could get back to your bioengineering discovery, Doctor, could you elaborate on that, please?"

WoK: "I would be most happy to. Upon my return, I lost no time in trying to develop an apple that could withstand the coming onslaught. I felt it would make the most sense to go smaller, instead of larger, so that the endangered apples could be spirited away in one's pockets. Naturally, I cannot go into detail of the cloning procedure involving the Shetland Pony and the original Red Delicious Apple, but I can assure the world that all professional protocols were followed, despite a brazen attempt to blow up my lab. Probably by the government."

MaC: "...um, did you say blow up your lab? That's a rather incredible accusation, Doctor. So incredible, in fact, that it is just barely possible there are some who might not be-lieve you. How would you respond to that, Dr. WrathofKahn?"

WoK: "Well, I have it from a very reliable source. And, just as soon as I am contacted by my alien mentors again, I will receive permission to reveal all of this, and much, much more. Besides, no one can speak out against me, for then they might be accused of displaying anti-apple prejudice. *leans forward in chair, eyes gleaming* We couldn't have that, now could we?"

MaC: "No, I....I mean, I don't..........*shouts offstage* Sylvia! Why didn't you tell me I was dealing with a nut case, here.....?!"

*fades to.....*

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