The Jim-Bob Report

"Good evening. I'm Jim McDonald and tonight we have a rare look at the salty side of life. It all started with a strange picture posted on a strange blog by an even stranger Ma Hoyt. In his usual place amidst strange matters, is our Midwestern field reporter, Bob MacCackle. Bob is out in frigid Iowa, and hopefully, he can enlighten us as to this recent mystery. Bob? What's all the fuss about?"

"Well, Jim, if I could just clear up a little matter, first....when you referred to "an even stranger Ma," were you commenting on her personality? Or are we talkin' symmetry of an unknown person, here?"

*sigh* "Personality, Bob. She's just plain weird, isn't she?"

"Fer sure, Jim. Anyway, if we can get right to the heart of the matter, it all started with a picture Ma posted last night. Without any further explanation, the world was suddenly and shockingly exposed to something called 'blind robbins.'"

"And so, Bob, I'm sure with your research skills you jumped right in. What exactly are 'blind robbins?'"

"Yes, Jim, me and the boys have been Googling all day, and while some results were less than satisfactory, this much we did find out.....are you ready for this, Jim? Blind robbins are actually SMOKED HERRING!"

"Get out!"

"No, Jim, I am serious. They are used as a common bar snack. They are extremely salty and are referred to as 'the peanuts in bars in Gloucester.' I think it's an east coast kinda thing--though, reference was also made to Wisconsin and Michigan, whatever that means....."

"Alright, then Bob, so we've established it's a salty snack of your fish-type variety. I assume we are talkin' dried fish?"

"Uh right, Jim. No one I know wants to be associated with a wet herring. And then there's this little nugget...apparently, it is also known as a holiday treat. Traditional food for New Year's Eve, if I'm not mistaken. Soooo...I'm thinkin' one night a year is all most people can stand of the stuff..."

"Say, Bob, something just occurred to me....shouldn't we be referring to these, not as 'blind robbins,' but rather, as 'visually challenged robbins'? It's the dawn of a new millennium, after all..."

"That's NEGATORY, Jimbo. Seems the politically correct terminology doesn't apply to dead fish. Anyway, I found out a few other interesting tidbits....there's a Rockabilly band carrying that name. Oh yes, it can be spelled 'robins,' and let me tell you, THAT little typo threw us off our research, for a while."

"Well, that's just really fascinating, Bob. *yawns* But double consonants aside, what I really want to know is, how did the little buggers get the name, 'blind robbins' as opposed to 'smoked boneless herring'? which, ya gotta admit, sounds so very much more refined..."

"An insightful question, Jim. I only wish I had the answer to it. In fact, we researched so long and hard that we actually reached the END OF THE INTERNET, if you can believe that. And, the beginning. All in all, it's been a pretty satisfying day, Jim."

"That still doesn't tell us the history, Bob."

"Right. Well, here's my best guess, Jim. There was a reference to someone eating them with a blindfold on, but I couldn't nail that definition down. It's my personal opinion that, in the beginning, at least, they only used female herring who went by the name of Robin. And then, after they were...uh...dead, they naturally couldn't see, so...uh...that's how the whole 'blind robin' scenario came about. Maybe. I think."

*blinks* "Yes, well, any other tangible facts on the subject of 'blind robins, Bob?"

"Just this, Jim. It has nothing to do with the little salty fish, but did you know, that birds and other wild animals cannot wear sunglasses, and many of them eventually go blind, Jim? Did you know that? Did you have any idea, AT ALL, JIM?" *sobs*

"Well, folks, that's all we have time for, this evening. For that guy with a big heart, Bob MacCackle, this is Jim McDonald, saying,

Goodnight."

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