The Jim-Bob Report

*heard backstage*

"Okay, this time EVERY-body....."

"The----WHEELS on the bus go ROUND and round,
ALL around the TOWN-o.."

"Hee hee! You guys were GREAT....Okay, settle down...places everyone..."

"Five seconds to air....in three....two.....one...."

"Good evening, everyone. I'm Jim McDonald. Tonight we bring you a new feature, an in-depth look at that story all of America's been following...Countdown to Couric. We've sent our ace reporter, Bob MacCackle, to New York for the details in the upcoming anchor takeover. Bob? Tell us what's going on in the Big Apple..."

"Well Jim, if you can believe it, this city is even bigger than Des Moines ! But I'm not here to.....talk......WOW!...look at that tall building....!"

"Bob....BOB! What about Ms. Couric? Tell us about the preparations for the first woman news anchor..."

"Oh yeah, right....*sound of rustling papers*....Here's the scoop, Jim. Everyone's been wondering about the new studio look and we've got the lowdown. Are you ready for this, Jim?"

"Been ready, Bob....please go ahead."

"Well, the new anchor desk will be made of.....Ginger root maple laminate!"

"Ginger root....Bob? Have you been hitting the rib joints again? That sounds an awful lot like a barbecue glaze..."

"No way, Jim. This will be an incredible innovation, since all the previous anchors have gone with the darker mohagany hues. It's pretty obvious Katie intends to make a bold statement with this choice of desk color. But Jim, there's more. The carpeting will be bright red and blue!"

"Whoa, Bob! Are you sure ?"

"Positive, Jimbo. Everyone's agreed it's a clever tactic to appeal to both conservative and liberal viewers....red AND blue states......it's just...just so balanced and beautiful, man.....*sniff*...."

"Now Bob....get a grip on your psyche, my friend.....What about the competing networks, Bob? Anything of interest going on?"

"Oh fer sure, Jim. As you know, Charles Gibson, formerly known as Charlie, recently went from the morning show to the evening news for ABC. He's being promoted with the slogan 'Your Trusted Source.' So naturally CBS is tossing around a few possible phrases for Katie. To date they've come up with 'I look swell on a bus,' and 'Nyah, nyah, I can wear stilettos and the two other guys can't,' although this last one is being reworked due to length. I'm sure they'll run it by the focus groups, Jim."

"Focus groups, Bob?"

"Oh sure. NO decisions are made these days without focus groups. And that brings up the subject of NBC. Katie's old network has been gathering its executives for regular meetings to guard against complacency. Just because they've been number one, doesn't mean they can afford to become mental couch potatoes. No sirree!"

"Sounds as though you've covered all the bases, Bob. Anything else before we sign off?"

"Just this, Jim. If our bosses ever want to beef up our image, I've got the perfect vehicle for me...."

"Uh....Bob...."

"A Mack truck!"

".....*turns back toward audience*.....AND that's all we have time for, ladies and gentlemen. Tune in next time for our special entitled, 'Outcasts of the Universe: or, The Commonalities of Pluto and Tom Cruise.'

For Bob MacCackle in New York, this is Jim McDonald wishing you, good-night."
 

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