Jeff Foxworthy says you must be an Iowan if.......

You've never met any celebrities...and you don't really care.

Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a
tractor on the highway.

"Vacation" means driving through the Amanas or going to Adventureland.

You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were
popular.

You measure distance in minutes.

Down south to you means Missouri.

You know several people who have hit a deer.

You have no problem spelling or pronouncing Des Moines.

You know the answer to the question, "Is this Heaven?"

Your school* classes were canceled because of cold.

Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

You know what "Hawks, Panthers, and Clones" are.

You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.

You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better".

You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.

Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.

You see a car running in the parking lot at the Quick Stop with no one in it no matter what time of the year.

You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition.
Example: Where's my coat at?"

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable or animal.

You can locate Iowa on the US map.

Detassling was your first job or that of a brother or sister.

You've been on a "Geode Hunt".

Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice.

You learn your pickup will run without a muffler.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say "It was different".

You consider being called a "Pork Queen" an honor.

People from other states love to hear you say Iowa and other words with "Os" in them.

You carry jumper cables in your car.

You drink "pop".

You know what the numbers 80, 35, 280 and 380 mean.

You know what "cow chips" are.

You actually understand these statements and pass them on to all your Iowa friends.

*unfortunately, most of the school related statements do not apply to homeschoolers :-(

(Thanks to Gary Ploeger for this email forward :-)
 

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