8 days down, 3 to go

Scale Report: down another 1.5 pounds, or a net loss of 6 pounds, as in...

Hot Doggies!

This actually erases the 6 pounds I'd gained after losing 20, so I am most happy. Plus, I still remember my basic math facts.

With just three days left, any additional losing is gravy, metaphorically speaking. If the end of the week shows no additional weight-loss I will still have won.

*pulls crumpled sheet of paper our of ear*

"I'd like to thank Jorge Luis, my hair stylist, those fab make-up girls and the incredible support I've received from people all over the world--without which this amazing experience wouldn't have been possible...but I'd especially like to thank the nice lady at Wal-Mart who mixed paint for me.

In conclusion, I urge everyone to eat Dark Chocolate and how's about we we declare next Monday "Hydroxy Derivative Day" and chow down on flavonols for the heart?

Thank you. You're all beautiful people...really..."

And this brings us to that trendy new concept of Carbon Offset, also called Renewable Energy Certificates or Green Tags. I just heard about this for the first time on the news the other night.

You can buy these pieces of paper (which...uh, come from trees) and the money goes to production of a windmill farm, planting trees or whatever. This is supposed to "offset" the polluting carbon you as an awful human being are creating.

This is the reason Al Gore can live in a 20 room house and sleep at night. He purchases the offsetting amount of certificates that counteract the carbon his home/lifestyle emits.

Otherwise, they'd be living in a small cabin with Tipper chopping firewood for their Ben Franklin stove.

ANYWAY, if these guys can do it, why not me? Only not in regards to fossil fuels, but...(you know what's comin'....)

CALORIES!

What us lardos need are Caloric Offset Credits. We can eat our goodies, buy some offsets and suffer no guilt!

Is this a great concept or what? I swear I thought of this myself, even though I don't listen to Rush Limbaugh and I found a couple references to this on the web. (but only after I thought of it, which brings up the concept of "Thought Offsets"...)

I haven't worked out all the details yet, but it would probably go something like this:

Pig out and then buy certificates. The money would then be applied toward liposuction surgery while we sleep.

If we all pull together I think this could work...
 

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