One More WEEK!!

I don't mean to sound too gleeful about being almost done with the janitor job, but....WWHHHHHEEEEEEEEEE.

Just for fun, I did a couple of extras today: cleaning bugs out of some lights and wiping off the dust on several high surfaces that no one ever sees.

I also found a couple places that el sonno has missed. Too late to change his dusting ways now, and I guess I should have been checking up on him more...

My only regret is that the flash got killed on my camera, nixing my great plans for pictures of the Church Janitor Olympics. Ah well, in this case, the world's loss could be a good thing.

Now, don't worry about the lost income, folks. Ma has plenty of opportunities, even in this troubled economy.

First of all, I figure that with my 8 years of janitorial experience, I can offer up my services as a paid consultant to any number of organizations.

And not just in one area....it's time to dream big, people!

The company (or administration) that hires me will be getting expertise not only in your typical areas of sweeping, pulling fingernail clippings out of the carpet and unsticking chewed gum from the bottom of a trash can liner so you don't have to use a new bag, BUT, I can also offer additional advice gleaned over the years, such as wearing gloves to vacuum until the metal wand that's been stored in the freezing janitor's closet warms up enough so that it doesn't make your arthritic knuckles ache.

However, THAT'S NOT ALL, oh no. In addition, I present credentials not found in just any ol' (sweeper) bag lady:

1) Varicose veins--I can empathize with the vein-challenged of the world, providing a voice for the unheard aching legs 'round the globe. I'll lobby medical insurance companies to cover laser surgery.

2) Cloth diaper expertise--true, this is from my past, but I still hold the harrowing memories of rinsing out cloth poop-receptacles and then trying to rid my hands of the smell. Surely this experience can be of use to some psychiatrist.

3) Conventional technology--things like dial telephones, real ovens (not microwaves) and typing essays without texting or using the word "awesome." While some of these could fall under the category of nostalgia, I feel it's important that future generations do not forget what people my age put up with so they can play mindless computer games all day.

So that's one avenue. The other is closer to home...out in the breezeway, actually.

I've discovered a real bonanza of potential mouse corpses. Having set a couple of traps out there and then forgotten about them, I checked yesterday and found two traps quite sprung on mice that were quite dead.

I immediately removed the unfortunate vermin and reset them, to have them fill up again, before late afternoon.

Since yesterday I have personally been responsible for the death of 6 mice. One trap is set close enough to an exterior leaky door, that the bodies freeze to the metal whapper, making it difficult to extricate, but hey....NO ONE EVER SAID LIFE (or death) WOULD BE EASY.

(and incidentally, when a mouse freezes, it's eyeballs turn from inky black to icy white. Quite sensational from a special effects viewpoint....*makes note to contact Stephen Spielberg*...)

All that remains is to find a market for these gray-furred squeakers. If someone wants them alive, I'd be willing to procure live traps, as long as I'm assured they won't be released in the state of Iowa.

I'm thinkin' a few pet boa constrictors would be very appreciative. Just a little food for thought, if anyone harboring exotic pets is listening.

So there ya have it. Lot's of exciting opportunities ahead, it's only a matter of channeling my unique talents in the right direction.
 

Tweet