"Dear Fellow Republican,

You are among a select group of Republicans who have been chosen to take part in the official CENSUS OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY."

(I am?)

"Enclosed is your new GOP CENSUS DOCUMENT which was assigned and prepared especially for you as a representative of all Republicans living in your voting district."

(WHOA! :-)

"Your answers will be used to develop a new BLUEPRINT for the Republican Party for the next 10 years.....

.....But, because it is cost prohibitive for the Republican Party to print and mail an official REPUBLICAN PARTY CENSUS to each and every one of the 55,000,000 Republicans nationwide...."

(*reminds self to enclose postage stamp in return mailer*)

".....your answers will represent the views and opinions of all Republican voters living in your voting district."

(*GASP*)

".....blah, blah blah, (I'm sure they're going to ask for money...) blah blah for two more pages...."

"Make no mistake -- without your answers to the REPUBLICAN PARTY CENSUS DOCUMENT questions....

. . . our leadership will not know how you and other Republicans at the grassroots level of our Party feel about the critical issues facing our nation.

The Republican National Committee will be unable to develop a BLUEPRINT that will truly energize and unify our Party.

...blah, blah, blah...

Won't you please:

1. Complete your specially registered REPUBLICAN PARTY CENSUS and return it to me today?

2. Enclose your most generous gift of $500, $250, $100, $50 or even $25 to help the RNC mail an official REPUBLICAN PARTY CENSUS to 5.5 million Republicans throughout the country?"

I knew it. I KNEW it, *gets paper and pen*....Let's see, 5.5 million times 39 cents....carry the...*checks Google calculator*.....checks with math whiz son to make sure interpretation of numbers is correct*....That will cost, $2,145,000 dollars to send out. Now, if they had only done this before the postal rates had changed, they would have saved....*checks Google again*....$110,000 dollars.

Enough to buy me a lifetime of chocolate, or send one kid to private college.

*weighs these two options*

Welp....*sigh*....possible savings to the Party aside, I have dutifully filled out my questionnaire, all the while shouldering the burden of my entire voting district with appropriate gravitas.

I also enclosed two postage stamps: a 37¢ 1952 Nash Healey, and a 2¢ Navajo Jewerly make up, to symbolize the money they could have saved, and the inclusiveness of the Republican Party.

I believe in doing my part.
 

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