The Progeny
The Jim-Bob Report: Stormline--Iowa
“Good evening. I’m Jim McDonald bringing you the very latest on that recent snowstorm in the Midwest. We even have pictures.
Our man in Iowa, Bob MacCackle has been scouring the fields around Des Moines to give us an up-to-the minute report on the weather. Bob? Just how bad is it?”
“Well, Jim, I’m sure you’re familiar with the phrase, “Storm of the Century…..”
“No, Bob, NO! Please tell us it wasn’t that bad….”
“That’s just it, Jim. It wasn’t.”
“Oh. Umm…..could you elaborate on that, Bob?”
“You bet, Jim. The weather forecasters had out storm warnings for half the counties in Iowa….including the one where Ma Hoyt lives. They were supposed to get 5-8 inches, Jim. The kids were really excited. Then, all of a sudden…..WHAM!....next to nothing.”
“Uh, Bob, how can there be a “wham” and then nothing? Or even a next to?”
“My point exactly, Jim. Expectations were raised and prognostications were made. But in the end, the weathermen just couldn’t deliver the goods. I’m tellin’ ya, Jim, there’s a whole bunch of angry people out here. Some of them even went in to town and bought extra MILK, fer cryin’ out loud! There’s a lotta people hurtin,’ here, Jim….a lotta people with unanswered questions…… *sniff*….and some of them were just….just kids !”
“Steady, Bob, steady. So now, as I see it, we have a disappointed population…..most of them children. What’s being done to take care of these folks? Are we talking counselors? Free candy? What?”
“…*blows nose*….Even better, Jim. Since this morning, we’ve had a massive influx of trial lawyers. It seems the Hoyt children have instigated a ‘class action lawsuit’ against the weather personnel. And not just one TV or radio station, Jim. These little nippers are out to get all the meteorologists in the entire viewing area.”
“A lawsuit! Bob….I’m speechless! Utterly, totally, entirely speechless. I would even go so far as to say my speechlessness is in toto ! And, you know I don’t use that astute Latin phrase lightly, Bob. But tell me, are there really enough disgruntled youngsters to facilitate a ‘class action suit?’”
“Oh fer sure, Jim. Why, you take just the Hoyt family alone, and we have…..*counts on fingers*……uh…..carry 3……seven. SEVEN plaintiffs in that household alone. They’re all in different grades or classes, hence, the ‘class action suit.’ They’re going for the “Breach of Promise,” “Severe Emotional Distress,” and “Mom-said-we-could-play-in-the-snow-and-now-we-CAN’T’! angle.”
“….*low whistle*…..I never thought I’d live to see the day, Bob. I’m almost feeling speechless again…”
“Well, Jim, as we all know, you just can’t trust people in radio and television broadcasting. It’s sad but true. I remember what my mother once told me…..”
“Uh, Bob…..we’re in broadcasting….”
“Oh. Right, Jim. I knew that. I KNEW that…..*aside*…..Manny, I told you not to forget my little pink pills at lunch…..”
“…*coughs*…..Alright, ladies and gentlemen. That’s all we have time for this ev…..”
“TELL CBS I’M FREE IF KATIE COURIC WASHES OUT….!”
“…{In your dreams, Bob!}……This is Jim McDonald…..
Good-night.”
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Our man in Iowa, Bob MacCackle has been scouring the fields around Des Moines to give us an up-to-the minute report on the weather. Bob? Just how bad is it?”
“Well, Jim, I’m sure you’re familiar with the phrase, “Storm of the Century…..”
“No, Bob, NO! Please tell us it wasn’t that bad….”
“That’s just it, Jim. It wasn’t.”
“Oh. Umm…..could you elaborate on that, Bob?”
“You bet, Jim. The weather forecasters had out storm warnings for half the counties in Iowa….including the one where Ma Hoyt lives. They were supposed to get 5-8 inches, Jim. The kids were really excited. Then, all of a sudden…..WHAM!....next to nothing.”
“Uh, Bob, how can there be a “wham” and then nothing? Or even a next to?”
“My point exactly, Jim. Expectations were raised and prognostications were made. But in the end, the weathermen just couldn’t deliver the goods. I’m tellin’ ya, Jim, there’s a whole bunch of angry people out here. Some of them even went in to town and bought extra MILK, fer cryin’ out loud! There’s a lotta people hurtin,’ here, Jim….a lotta people with unanswered questions…… *sniff*….and some of them were just….just kids !”
“Steady, Bob, steady. So now, as I see it, we have a disappointed population…..most of them children. What’s being done to take care of these folks? Are we talking counselors? Free candy? What?”
“…*blows nose*….Even better, Jim. Since this morning, we’ve had a massive influx of trial lawyers. It seems the Hoyt children have instigated a ‘class action lawsuit’ against the weather personnel. And not just one TV or radio station, Jim. These little nippers are out to get all the meteorologists in the entire viewing area.”
“A lawsuit! Bob….I’m speechless! Utterly, totally, entirely speechless. I would even go so far as to say my speechlessness is in toto ! And, you know I don’t use that astute Latin phrase lightly, Bob. But tell me, are there really enough disgruntled youngsters to facilitate a ‘class action suit?’”
“Oh fer sure, Jim. Why, you take just the Hoyt family alone, and we have…..*counts on fingers*……uh…..carry 3……seven. SEVEN plaintiffs in that household alone. They’re all in different grades or classes, hence, the ‘class action suit.’ They’re going for the “Breach of Promise,” “Severe Emotional Distress,” and “Mom-said-we-could-play-in-the-snow-and-now-we-CAN’T’! angle.”
“….*low whistle*…..I never thought I’d live to see the day, Bob. I’m almost feeling speechless again…”
“Well, Jim, as we all know, you just can’t trust people in radio and television broadcasting. It’s sad but true. I remember what my mother once told me…..”
“Uh, Bob…..we’re in broadcasting….”
“Oh. Right, Jim. I knew that. I KNEW that…..*aside*…..Manny, I told you not to forget my little pink pills at lunch…..”
“…*coughs*…..Alright, ladies and gentlemen. That’s all we have time for this ev…..”
“TELL CBS I’M FREE IF KATIE COURIC WASHES OUT….!”
“…{In your dreams, Bob!}……This is Jim McDonald…..
Good-night.”
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posted by Ma Hoyt | 7:15 AM
4 Comments:
*looks confused* What lawsuit?
Kendra
You're obviously not familiar with how class action lawsuits work. A judge authorizes some party (in this case, probably Jason) to sue on behalf of an entire class of potential victims (you, your siblings, all of the children of East Bufu Iowa.) To sue on your own behalf, you have to notify the court that you want to get out of the class... after presenting a drop slip signed by your academic advisor and your professor. I wouldn't advise it though, this way you don't have to pay the lawyer directly and you can get a free weather map and maybe enough money to buy a Coke when your settlement goes through. Just make sure that your mom doesn't file an amicus brief against you guys... she just might do that.
Moi?
How helpful he is. But "East Bufu Iowa" is not funny!
Mommy, thanks for making me laugh. :)
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