The Jim-Bob Report

"Good evening, and welcome to another edition of 'The Jim-Bob Report.' This is Jim McDonald, coming to you from Iowa, where we've gone on location ever since the stunning death of Michael Jackson. Originally, we had planned to go to California, but we ran out of money....and well...here we are in Des Moines. All is not lost, however, we've sent our field reporter, Bob MacCackle, up to the Hoytstead to poke around and see what's happening. Bob? Tell us the latest from the Iowa Hoytsters?"

"FREE LEE COWAN!

FREE-THE-ENCINO-ONE !

FREE LEE COWAN!

FREE-THE-ENCINO...."

"Bob...?BOB! What's going on up there? Why all the shouting?"

"Oh...hi, Jim! I was just leading the crowd in our protest chant. We think NBC should give Lee Cowan another news gig, instead of sticking him out there in front of the mourners at Jackson estate. We think..."

"But Bob, that's old news. It's over, or at least it will be in about five more years. Lee's on another assignment, I think..."

"Oh. Well, no one ever TELLS me anything, Jim. I'm still waiting for you guys to send the aps for my Tandy Color Computer 2. So...what's happenin' ol' buddy?"

"Now Bob, that's what I was asking you. It's time for another update on that politically incorrect-sized family and their lovable but wacky matron, Ma Hoyt. How are things in Hoytland, Bob?"

"Oh yeah...them. Well Jim, most everyone in the household is getting ready for church family camp, coming up the end of next week. Problem is, there's no skit figured out yet, and the kids are starting to get frantic. It's crunch time, Jim!"

"OOoooo, that is bad, Bob. What is Ma going to do?"

"She's got several options, Jim. One of which is going on strike."

"Strike? Oh Bob, surely not..."

"That's right, Jim. Ma is seriously weighing her options, which include bailing the kids out for yet another year and coming up with most of the skit, or going on strike and refusing to participate."

"Well I never....who would have thought, Bob..."

"Exactly, Jim. Ma's tired of doing all the dirty skit work. She'd much rather be out in the garden, digging and weeding."

"Right. That's where I'd be too, if I wasn't stuck with this lousy 6.5 million dollar anchor job. But a fellah has to eat."

"Six point five mil....Jim, I'm beginning to think the network could afford a TRS-80. The white model, Jimbo...do you hear me? THE WHITE MODEL!!! AAARRGGGHHHHH...."

"And that's all we have time for, folks. Join us next week when we take an in-depth look at teen tattoos. Unique forms of art? Or shallow exhibitionism? You decide.

Until then, this is Jim McDonald, speaking for all of us, here at the network...yes, even Bob,

good-night."
 

Tweet