The Grad-line: With Jim and Bob

*sounds from backstage*

"....I'm tellin' ya, Jim, we gotta do something, and do it fast!....'Mr. Roger's Neighborhood' is right behind us in the ratings...."

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Bob. Now, cool it."

"10 seconds to air....."

"But Jim, you heard Sam Donaldson. 'Alternative sources,' man, ALTERNATIVE SOURCES!.....it.....it just doesn't make sense anymore, Jim...."

"Bob, ol' buddy, did you forget to take your medication, again?"

"uh.......yeah......mmm....."

"In three, two, one......"

*sounds of hurried gulping*

"Good evening. I'm Jim McDonald, and tonight we are covering another "down to the wire" scenario out in Iowa. We go now to our man out of Des Moines, Bob McCackle. Bob? What can you tell us about the situation?"

"Evening, Jim. We know this much: the eldest Hoyt child will be graduating from college in less than three weeks. The calendar is ticking, and plans and preparations are flying, thick and fast, out here in the heartland."

"Ok, Bob, aside from those mixed metaphors of yours, can you be more specific?"

"Yes, Jim. It seems "Ma" has been hard at work with reserving a park pavilion, ordering food from a caterer, the works. Why, just today, her faithful and, if I may say so, longsuffering hubby printed out the graduation announcements. They've even bought Spring flower stamps to put on the envelopes: Daffodils, Tulips......They're going all out. I mean, Hyacinths, Jim. HYACINTHS! Have you ever smelled a Hyacinth?...... *sniff*...... Man, it's just so....so.... beautiful....."

*clears throat* "OK, BOB. If I could just have a followup, here. Isn't it a tad late to be sending out announcements? The graduation is only......what....*checks notes*.... two and a half weeks away?"

"That's right, Jim. May 7th is the date of matriculation. But I've checked into the etiquette on this, and I think "Ma's" in the clear. Apparently, if one is just sending announcements, and not invitations, it is perfectly permissible to have them be delivered up to three weeks after the ceremony."

"So, then, you don't think she'll be on the receiving end of one of those nasty "whisper campaigns," then, Bob? From the friends and relatives?"

"No, Jim, I don't believe so. Besides, they know that whatever they say could wind up in her blog. Frankly, I think they're all a little scared of her...."

"Well, that clears up that question, Bob. Now, perhaps you can enlighten me as to why they decided to go with printing out their own announcements, as opposed to having them done professionally?"

"I can tell you this, Jim. "Ma" has been known to be a little....*looks around*........tight with the old pecuniary purse strings, if you know what I mean. She managed to save $15.oo by having her husband print them out. Though, sources close to the situation have reported overhearing her mumble, 'Never again!'"

"Fifteen dollars, Bob? That doesn't sound like a lot of savings to compensate for the hassle of resizing and setting everything up, does it, now?"

"Maybe not. But fifteen dollars can buy a whole lot of chocolate. Back to you, Jim."

"Thank you, Bob. And there you have it folks. Up to the minute reporting on the ever-unfolding drama of midwestern life. Stay tuned for 'Mr. Roger's Neighborhood,' where Fred thrills the kiddies with a wacky new sweater, made of recycled dryer lint. For Bob McCackle, this is Jim McDonald.....Goodnight."

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