SPECIAL REPORT!!

"dot dot, da dot dot, da dot dot........"

"We interrupt this program to bring you a Special Report. Jim McDonald, here, with an update on that tense computer hostage situation out in Iowa. We go now to Bob, out in the field. I mean, Bob is LITERALLY out in a field, somewhere in Iowa. Bob? What can you tell us?"

"Well, Jim, we've got some good and bad news, here. The bad news is, that after that semi-load of Dove's Dark Chocolates arrived, the wife seems to have really hunkered down behind her husband's computer. There's the constant sound of smacking lips and little foil wrappers are all OVER the place, Jim. It's really starting to get ugly out here."

"And, Bob, people watching all of this need a little glimmer of hope to hang on to. Can you give us any good news concerning the situation?"

"Jim, I can tell you this. That husband is working round the clock to fix the problem with her computer. Really, you just can't admire the guy enough. In fact, after he's done, I think I'll have a little job for him...."

"OK, Bob. That sounds promising. Now, we hear there are a number of children involved. Can you give us any information as to their emotional state during all of this?"

"That's right, Jim. There are a NUMBER of youngsters in the home. In fact, there are so many, we're having trouble coming up with a definitive figure, but I can promise you this, we are working on it 24/7. I have learned the following: With the onset of the husband's computer being taken hostage, the mother was no longer able to maintain her supervisory teaching role, so the children have been involved in a day long multi-player game of FreeCiv. No reports yet on who has conquered whom, but word has it they are pretty happy campers."

"I'm sure we're all glad to hear that, Bob. Now, any idea as to when this situation could be resolved?"

"Well, Jim, we are not positive yet, but word on the street is that Bill Gates may be flown in for a mediating role."

"WHOA! Bill Gates? Bob, are you sure?"

"It's not for certain, Jim, but it's a real possibility. Suspense is in the air, and we're all just sitting on tinderhooks, here."

"Uh, Bob, I think you mean 'tenterhooks,' don't you?"

"No, Jim, I'm pretty sure it's 'tinderhooks.'"

"Well, Bob, I don't mean to make an issue of this, but I really do believe the correct terminology is 'tenterhooks.'"

*pause* "That reminds me, Jim, which side of that whole "Memogate" thing were you on?"

"OK, folks. Like Bob mentioned, it's really getting ugly out there......."

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