They Were Wrong - Part 1

There's something about arriving in the dark and walking up to the ER doors for colonoscopy check-in that makes a 54-year-old woman grab her husband's hand.

And choke back tears.

For some strange reason I did not want them to do this to me. It felt like an intrusion, to put it mildly.

But since others had apparently gone through the same experience and lived to tell about it I figured I could do so and survive admirably.

"The worst part is the prep!"

If I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me.

One thing I was looking forward to were the drugs. I'd heard they were fantastic. They made you feel great; you woke up chattering happily about random stuff and everyone around you laughed and chuckled at your unintentional witticisms.

I'd witnessed such euphoria in Loren on more than one occasion. I figured It was gonna be something to write home about, baby. The two-day ordeal would end with me being "Ma-the-camper-of-happiness."

Indeed.

But first there were a few hurdles to cross.

IV insertion. I knew from the many times Loren underwent this process that it might not be fun. The nurse who was prepping me seemed a tad uncertain. I think she was in training. There also appeared to be some problem with my veins; problems other than dehydration from the previous day's prep drink.

The veins in my hands were quite special. They were crooked. And as we all know from our vast personal experience of inserting IV's, straight veins are needed to accommodate straight needles (note to future medical engineers: curvy needles...am I right?).

Both arms were alternately tied with an over-sized rubber band. Well, it wasn't so much a rubber band as it was a vise. Something was not adjusted properly but I thought I could bear it for several nanoseconds. After carefully searching both hands and swabbing with....something wet, she continued to tap my veins in a less than hopeful way.

"None of these look very good to me..." she said.

"Do you think they might look better to someone else?" I subtlety inquired in what I hoped was a nice voice.

"Let me consult with the charge nurse."....*snap*....the band-of-torture was removed.

The calm and assured professional  I wished had been taking care of me came into the room and retied the rubber-band-of-pain in a way that didn't feel like my arm was about to be amputated.

"Ah," I thought, "hope enters."

The search began anew and as I watched her tap and prod I noticed how old and dry my skin looked. Out of curiosity I pinched a bit between my thumb and forefinger...the fold kept its shape for a couple seconds. Oh yeah....that's good. Nevertheless, a suitable vein was found near my left wrist and that's when hope exited the room.

I prepared myself for the jab and I saw Loren lower his head and close his eyes.

"I'll bet he's praying for me," I thought. "That is really sweet."

I felt a little poke, nothing too bad, and then the needle was pulled out.

"I'd better go check with her again," said my nurse, and walked out of the room.

A little blood seeped out of the puncture but it was no big deal, pain-wise. My nurse came back.

"OK, we're going to go with this one," and proceeded to bring the same needle up toward my hand.

"Ummm...do you think getting a new needle would be a good idea...maybe?"

"Oh...I didn't realize I'd poked through....yeah...I guess I'd better."

I shot a quick glance to Loren and he rolled his eyes a bit and gave me one of those, "Oh brother," looks.

The actual insertion of the IV proceeded without further incident or excessive pain.

I still had the colonoscopy itself to "look forward to," however. The explanation sheet had nuggets such as, "You may experience a bit of discomfort at the start of the procedure," and, "Any pain should be fairly minimal."

These are not the exact words, as I've thrown the papers away, but the point they were making was that some pain might be felt. Still, I figured it couldn't compare to labor.

These were some of the thoughts going through my mind as they wheeled me into the procedure room. The other main thing being that I really, REALLY hoped I didn't say something stupid or insulting.

Soon one of the surgery nurses was using a syringe to push the sleep med into my IV port, saying, "I'd like you to close your eyes now..."

...and that's the last I remember until they slid my bed back into the prep room as I awoke, crying.

(to be continued)

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A lil' ol' update

Just a quick note to say that the colonoscopy itself went well and the results are such that I don't have to go back for another ten years.

The day (weekend, rather) was not uneventful and I plan to go into some detail, but not the TMI kind.

Enough stuff took place that it might make for interesting reading. Perhaps in several parts, so as not to get too long.

And one more thing....these spell checks really need to add "colonoscopy." Not one that I've seen has had this noble word.

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Colonoscopy, a Metaphor for Life

Ha!  Told you guys I wasn't making this up!

Several years ago I excitedly told the kids I'd seen what appeared to be a white hawk flying around approximately 5 miles north of our house.

I think this was about the time several of them started whispering words that sounded eerily like "dementia," and "psycho."

Well, perhaps that is an exaggeration, but there was definite disbelief.

Now I have the proof!

And this proof was a pleasant capstone to a frustrating afternoon, filled with driving about on fruitless errands.

Finally I got launched on a semi-productive outing and along the way, that beautiful bird.

I saw it fly across the road several hundred yards ahead of me and thought, "Hmmm, one of those really cool all-white pigeons...wait, too big....wait....hawk-like wings and flight----WAIT! That's the BIRD!

Actually, I was probably more concerned with not spilling my Casey's coffee and checking to see if someone was coming up behind me so I could stop and take a picture....but I think you get the idea.

Wowee. I realize it's not as close as one could like, but still...

As to the post title, I spent most of the afternoon trying to get paperwork delivered and the prescription for my upcoming really-fun-colonoscopy-of-wonder, on Monday.

Just in time I realized the first schedule would coincide with the church Thanksgiving Dinner. That would mean clear liquids all that day (can you make pureed turkey so it's clear?) and starting the prep-of-dread while still at church.

Fortunately the hospital had several openings. I guess they don't have enough people lining up or something....anyway, I got it changed to this Monday. As in...

THIS COMING MONDAY.

Methinks it will be good to get it out of the way.

Me also thinks they are basically trying to kill people with the amount of prep drink.

And if I hear anyone say ONE MORE TIME, "The procedure isn't bad, it's the prep that's awful..." I do think I will have to stifle a small scream.

Do they think I was born yesterday? Do they think I don't have a husband who's already been through it at least 3 times?

Do they think I don't see medical segments on the morning news shows?

Sometimes I think there's a sign on my forehead that says, "Try and drive Ma crazy. Go ahead...she enjoys it."

Enough of that. I need to go relax and watch TV (and no, watching the first World Series game doesn't count).

I need to relax.

I need to snack on stuff before I have to go to clear liquids.

Who knows, maybe I'll run across another medical show on colonoscopies.

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Shower Time

Here is Kris, proud grandma watching (and snapping) the festivities

.

Little girls, wishing

Good turnout of womenfolk!

Something for the nursery wall...apparently in the perfect colors :-)

Tissue paper fillers for the gift bags were quite popular with the youngest ladies.

Another week has gone by, with Ma doing much posting. Just realized it and had to make an effort.

These pictures, shown in order of being taken, are from Layla Helmke's baby shower, last Saturday morning. Carolyn and I both attended and had an enjoyable time. And very yummy foodstuffs!

As to the rest of our busy week, we did survive the doctor appointments and tests.

Ethan thinks his practice PSAT went well; Nolan's dermatology appointment showed nothing worrisome; eye doctor appointments will bring new lenses for two (but nothing yet for Trevor); and my mammogram was fine.

At the last minute my PA ordered a cholesterol screening. I don't know how THAT will be since I had eaten breakfast and those are usually done fasting. Hopefully nothing too outrageous.

Currently we have Kendra here for a day or two, in-between rotations. She drove all the way up from Missouri yesterday afternoon and evening...good times!

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Four-Day Marathon

Here's a fun photo op I ran across just outside the grocery store in Mason City, this morning :-D

Had to share, hoping people can see the humor no matter what their political leanings.

(I would have put this somewhere else in the post, but Blogger's new format stifles creativity....boo Blogger!...maybe that's one of the reasons I don't post as often)



As for the "marathon" mention, it refers to a very busy week, with Ma running hither and yon, and then hither, again.

Today's travel is complete. I took Nolan up to Mason City for his appointment with the dermatologist. All looks good, at this point, but he'll have to return on a regular basis, due to his abundance of moles.

Today the PA examined his upper torso, including scalp, and took pictures. All significant moles have been charted by location and size. Then she had him take off his shoes and socks and yes, he has one on a toe and one or two on the other foot.

Who knew?

I should have let him wear shorts like he wanted, so she could check out the legs. I wanted him to look respectable, I guess. Nolan told me before she even came into the exam room that I was to tell her, "He didn't have any moles on his legs."

OK.

After that we hit the Wal*Mart and then drove halfway back across town to find Fareway, my favorite grocery.

Maybe I'm old and set in my ways. Maybe I just don't care for HyVee's higher prices.

And maybe it's the only place I can find the best cocoa (Saco).

We hit McDonald's on the way out of MC and partook of the dollar menu, getting lunch for approximately 6 bucks.

Not bad for a chubby ol' lady and a 13-year-old boy.

Then off to home, dishes, nap, a bit more school and joy of joys....

...the coming of the combines!

Just south of us, in what the kids refer to as, "The Company's" field. Alas, it was almost dark and the section closest to us is being harvested at this very moment, in the pitchy-black 9:00 night.

A bit like the start of Great Expectations.

But combines wait for no kid. There are, however, eye doctor appointments on the morrow.

In other news, I have pictures to put up from a baby shower, so maybe....just maybe, I'll post again before the end of the month.

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S.A.T.urday!

It was another early wake-up. Several, really.

Carolyn had trouble going to sleep but eventually succumbed.

After 3:00am.

And about the same time I was getting Trevor settled after his coughing spell.

Let's just say that sick kids from church had a negative effect on our family this week. Some of it being my attitude.

I need the kind of transplant they don't do in medical facilities.

After that wee bit of sleep I still managed to jump out of bed, temporarily dazed at the dark. I only ran into one mirror,  negating any attempts to creep quietly down the stairs.

A party of two, we picked the Green-Dragon-Lady-Lincoln-of-Power for the trip to Waterloo.

Funny how the air conditioning didn't work previous summers, and now....the heat was non-existent.

I fiddled with the thermostat controls from time to time, but ended up turning it all off, because in 21 degree weather, no blowing air is warmer than cold blowing air.

Naturally, the heat came back directly after Carolyn entered the test site. But at least we stayed REAL alert on the one hour drive.

Shivering does that.

I proceeded to the mall where I walked for one hour, changed into decent clothes and went shopping for clothes.

No wait. I went shopping for baby shower gifts and new tennis shoes.

Found the former but not the latter.

My very wonderful shoes; shoes that stopped my sciatic pain; shoes that have great arch support, are no longer sold in stores.

Bummer!

I shall attempt to make the ones I have go farther while checking online for old models.

Carolyn lived through her long, long testing ordeal and managed to stumble out to the car.

Then we headed right off to Panera Bread for some nice, hot soup avec baguette. Yummo!

Of course we had to hit the large Goodwill store and even though I bought one or two items, there was a whole lotta stuff to which I said "non."

It was a very long day, as demonstrated by the fact that neither Carolyn nor I could not stay awake during Yes Minister. We felt quite old and decrepit.

So ends the S.A.T.urday report.

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S.A.T.

Tomorrow is the big day!

Carolyn and I will be off by the dawn's early flicker to wend our way to Waterloo and West High School.

Therein she will be held with others of like age as they struggle through four hours of exam-i-ness.

She's finished the prep book and has taken two practice tests. Also worked on essays.

Guess there's nothing else to do but sharpen the pencils, pack a protein bar and drink, and get a good night's sleep.

And hope she doesn't come down with the cold.

The cold that Trevor and Nolan have had and which she was exposed to on Tuesday.

Ah well....you can't guard against everything, though I'll admit to being peeved when I discovered the contact.

After dropping her off I shall head to ye olde malle to while away an hour walking with other old people like me.

Then a quick change, some on-site shopping and hitting a few other stores. One of which will be Barnes & Noble to check out their clearance tables.

And possibly Starbucks. I have never been there and I think that stopping by for a brew and lounging around with a book would be oh---so---lovely.

Sometime after noon I pick up Carolyn and administer CPR. Then we'll head to the eatery of her choice which I'm thinkin' will be Panera Bread, but hey, as long as it's not my cooking :-)

With these goals in mind, I go now to prepare myself for the morrow....

...and yes, that means take a nap.

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RE-BOOT

Well, we did not make any progress in losing weight this week, so Ma will have to perform a restart. Restarts are doable. I'm used to them. For example, my computer needs to be restarted two or three times per day, on average.

In general news, the weather is dry and beautiful. The leaves are starting to turn colors and the mums are putting on their fall displays in various yards. A hazy mist of dust hangs over the fields from the combines, tractors, and grain semis whirling through harvest.

The blooming mums I know about due to extensive surveys during my many and varied excursions: church, the grocery store.....OK, my two excursions per week.

Speaking of which, it's another exciting day of shoppy-ness. With the added bonus of stopping at Goodwill. Mysterious black stains have appeared on the boys' church pants, so Ma will be perusing the men's rack. It's approximately 1/20 the available selection of the women's section.


*shopping trip*

Well, no pants the right size at Goodwill. Apparently all the men who donate have huge waists. And Ma performed an extreme feat of restraint by not buying a  new-with-tags-on $40 dress blouse.

Who says I don't have self-control?

However, I did get a couple of clearance items at Wal*Mart :-)

And a ham. Ham was on sale at the grocery store, so I came home, bearing ham.

Plus, bonus points for missing my nap.

And you thought my life wasn't exciting....

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