Ma gets mammogrammed

 
Which is similar to getting monogrammed, but slightly different from being mimeographed. Eh...it wasn't that bad.

I "warmified" the photo, in keeping with the cosy ambiance of "the room." There was a nice flowered border along the wall, pretty carpet, and a doily cover for the tasteful, little round table. It begged of women sitting down for tea before they get smashed.

Let me rephrase that...see the nice machine? Picture that clear plastic section coming down at 40 mph at 2 second intervals. (Of course, this has nothing to do with reality, I just thought it would be fun to scare you guys :-)

Really, though, it was not that big of a deal. If one were to contrast this with....say....a root canal or labor, I would certainly say mammography compares quite favorably.

And see those numbers on the machine? They signify the weights of the last four women checked. Mine is the lowest one, at the top....

I snapped this picture while "Jill," was in the other room giving a quick read of the films. This is done to make sure they half-ways turn out before sending them up to Mason City to be read. I will find out the results sometime tomorrow. Jill said not to be alarmed if I get a call-back, since it was my first time and they have nothing to compare the films to.

Sure, Jill, no problem. I don't mind taking an hour and a half out of my day. Besides, they have this little McDonald's in Hampton, now.....

I couldn't help but notice that all these medical posts have garnered extra hits for the blog. Looks like I've finally found the key to increasing readership.

You'll be excited to know that next week includes a fasting cholesterol test.

And now, back to life....
 

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Fun City, USA

I refer, of course, to somewhere in North Central Iowa. I wouldn't want to give the exact location, as masses of people would soon come flocking this way, upsetting sheep, cows, and generally making the land uninhabitable for hog lots.

Last Wednesday, Loren had his longest day, ever. (I'm talkin' work day....not mundane things like helicopter rides to the hospital or transplant operations and such)

The alarm rang at 5:30 am, and he came home after 9pm. There wasn't even time for him to eat his lunch, poor guy. He almost had time to sleep though, after replenishing a very empty stomach.

Today could be another taxing one for him. I always cringe when people come up to him and say, "Praise the Lord, Loren! I'll bet you just love being back at work!" Ohhhh yeah. They used to say the same thing after he got defibrillator shocks, too.

But enough of this morbidity!

Ma is going in for her very first mammogram this afternoon. *fake cheering* So far, I've been able to weasel out of it by stretching the pregnancy and nursing years out to nearly age 44. But no more slacking off! No sir-ree.

Check back for an update. DON'T WORRY. I have no intention of revealing anything of a personal or indiscreet nature. I would just as soon tell people how much I weigh....and we all know that ain't gonna happen.

Y'all have a nice day, now. Be like me--have fun.
 

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The Ma Side

 
Halfway into the Queen Anne's Lace, Helen the (menopausal) Honeybee suddenly remembered.....she'd intended to go to the store, for flour......
 

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I like trees

 
Also sunsets. Catching both is a real plus, from my point of view. 

I like trees because:
-they don't ask for much
-they don't judge you
-they are there for you, in all kinds of weather
-they tend to attract lightening away from the house

But getting back to me, I went in for a physical earlier this week, with special interest in getting my thyroid checked. I received a call from the nurse this morning, reporting that all the labwork was normal. Thus ends Phase I.

*tries to look happy*

Yes, it is now official.....Ma is normal. Please hold the applause. And please, any comments to the contrary should be submitted, in writing, with appropriate documentation, endnotes, bibliography, etc. before midnight, April 2. Preferably on yellow paper (with 12 pt type), as it is easier on the ol' eyes.

In the T4 range of .59 - 1.17, I came in at a respectable .82. For the TSH test, in which normal falls between .30 - 6.30, I slid by with a 1.36. That last one seems to be a low normal, but who can argue with medical science? After all, these are the same people that *insert your favorite stupid theory*.

Forget these past 3 months of feeling cold, tired, moody, and gaining 20 pounds. Forget family history, not sleeping well, having skipped heart beats, cloudy cognition and swelling legs. It's all in my head. I would especially like to think that weight gain was just psychological....but my expanding girth isn't buying it. Maybe my clothes are all shrinking, I don't know.

In the meantime, we press on. After all, the husband still needs a packed lunch, the kids still need schoolin', the house still needs to be cleaned (OK, that was a joke), and indoor plants still need their waning lives to be prolonged by occasional haphazard dribbles of H2O. With these modest goals in mind, we can now confidently move into Phase II of Ma's plan to make everything better AND save the universe. Just as soon as I figure out what Phase II is.

Oh yes, there are two more things I like about trees....

.....they shun sarcasm and they don't try to tell you you're normal when you aren't.
 

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Public Service Announcement #2

I know we've all wondered about that little hole near the top of the bathroom sink. You know...that "emergency drain" thingy, that's supposed to keep the sink from overflowing if...say....someone had the foresight to soak an item, and then somehow forgot to turn off the faucet?

So, I'm lolling in a nice hot bath, and I hear this noise. It sounds a bit like water running. Possibly even dripping.

And of course Ma, being the scientifically-minded person that I am, (stop laughing, Loren) started to think...."Hmmmm, it sounds like water running.....or rather, dripping...."

I glanced at the toilet, to make sure it wasn't running over. This did not produce a lot of empirical evidence, since I am fairly near-sighted. See, normally, I don't bathe with my glasses on. But, detecting no flood-like glimmer, I dismissed any imminent danger from the toilet.

Checking off the list of possibilities, I wondered, "Could it be raining outside? Raining rather noisily?" (it's just so hard to place a sound with your glasses off. You really can't hear as well)

My fuzzy gaze returned to the toilet....*deep thinking*.....hmmmm, it was conceivable that the chain had caught inside the tank, and the gurgling water was unable to fill said tank, leaving a continuous flow of water, or as they say in professional plumbing circles: a "running toilet."

(The downstairs bathroom sometimes tries this little trick, whereupon anxious children come racing in a worried frenzy and cry, "Mommy! Something is WRONG with the TOILET ! This is when I go in with great aplomb and calmly lift the tank lid, relieving the tangled chain, not to mention any onlooking posterity.)

But I crossed this off my mental check-list and resumed the tedious process of hacking at my second leg with a dull razor.

Suddenly, it hit me.....I'd left the sink faucet running!!

"Oh NO!! "

Oh Yes. Yes, it was indeed raining. Raining right over the front of the sink cabinet.

And that little emergency drain hole near the top? Practically worthless.

Of course the floor had to be mopped up with towels. Of course it ran down into both vanity drawers. Of course any paper products became quite sodden and useless. (I know you're with me here, ladies) Oh yes, Loren....that instruction sheet for your beard trimmer? Well, those folded sheets are really difficult to un-fold when wet. They have a tendency to tear. Quite easily, in fact.

But, on the bright side, that part of the floor is pretty clean, now. And, I was gonna wash those towels soon, anyway.

So my advice is this:
-never leave running water in the sink
-always wear your specs in the tub. They definitely help you hear better.
-and above all, when installing new sinks, take time to do it right. Don't scrimp on safety measures.....

......get an axe and hack a few more exit holes around the rim.
 

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Sign of the times ... thanks to NEWS.com.au reader Leonne
_____________________

"Boy, did I sleep great last night!"

*happy sigh*

"That's nice, Mommy. Does this mean you're going to be in a good mood today?"
_____________________

Starting out pretty fair, so far. Especially since I got to my computer before any of the kids could touch the piano....*smirk*....leaving me free to slip in my "Highland Christmas" CD.

Things could be much worse. At least there is no nutty cat stalking the neighborhood. (though there is a local a feline that regularly checks out the burnpile for singed edibles. (if the above link is rather slow....try this)
_____________________

CALLING ALL ENTREPRENEURS--You have just over a week to figure out what to do with 7 million fish. Whatever offer you come up with, I suggest the number "10" should play a prominent part.

Perhaps Lewis the Cat should visit the lake.
 

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Fog-layered land

  
(taken this morning after Loren left for work, before the kids got up, and as the school bus was racing past "Crazy Ma," who may have been adorned in winter coat, pajamas, robe and boots)

Dishevelment:  the new order
 

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Favorite Leafless Tree

  
I LOVE this tree. Just enough curvy twistiness to be deliciously gnarly.

I know this isn't the best shot, but I had to snap one before spring hits in earnest. Don't know what type of tree it is, but should be easy enough as soon as I see a leaf....except, it won't be nearly so pretty, then.

I have several of these scoped out to shoot on the way down to Cedar Rapids. I just have to wait until a time when I am driving.....

.....and the lighting's right.

.....and it isn't raining.
 

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Public Service Announcement

Things advised:

• putting down a rubberized pad under a four-year-old's sheet
  
• instead of the boring Excedrin Migraine formula, which contains acetaminophen, aspirin and caffeine, why not take two of each pill and add a coupla chocolates? We all know that getting your nutrition straight from the food source is SO much healthier.

Things to avoid:

• going downstairs by oneself and watching "Fear Factor" to combat insomnia
  
• giving a four-year-old ANYTHING to drink within 40 minutes of bedtime
  
• Paris
  
• Northwestern Austrailia

Thank you, and g'day.
 

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Iowa News

In our ongoing efforts to laud the wonders of Iowa, we have some exciting news for people contemplating moving north.

Yes, the Sonic Drive-in has/will come to our state! People currently held prisoner to warmer climes by their hankerin' for fast food, need fear no more. Three locations in Des Moines alone. It may be true that these are the ONLY ones so far, but hey, how long can it take for this culinary revolution to spread? I have it on very good authority that there are one, maybe TWO other cities in Iowa with populations over a hundred. I think we have the numbers to support such a venture.

Legally speaking, Iowa is one of the best environments for business. A great place for economic development. Oh sure, Delaware may be first on the list, but hey....we have more corn.

So, come one, come all. Get in while the gettin's good. We have food, we have a superb economic climate, and our happiness knows no bounds....(see below)
 

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Philosophie de Nolan

  I'm not sure ex-ACTLY what this means, but I do know know that "space" and "monkey" are supposed to be switched around. It refers to Curious George (of which Nolan has a stuffed animal) and his (George's) famous, albeit short trip into outerspace.

I know this may sound confusing, but then, monkeys and space are never easy matters for the adult mind.

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Hearts and things

I was IMing with Anna earlier this evening, and am happy to report that she is doing much better.

She had a bit of a tough go, adjusting to the pacing, soreness from the procedure (which involves cutting and bleeding and stuff) and then an ensuing stomach infection.

Also, her dad will be getting out of the hospital soon...you can read up on her post.

Some very good answers to prayer! Thank you for sending petitions to the Lord for all of these folks.
_______________

Here's a less technological intervention that saved a man's life. Absolutely incredible, I'd say.
______________

And speaking of doing good for my heart, we had a nice chat with France on Sunday afternoon. Did I say France? I meant daughter Sharon, of course, who is IN France. Dijon, to be specific. Check out her site to see photos and now....movies! (You've got me there, ma chère. Votre maman is not brave enough to attempt video...particularly since it involves reading the manual)

And then the older daughter is having her own heart-thrilling excitement--of a good kind. Check out her good news. (And don't forget, Ardith, you are taking your brother JASON with you, to visit the college....it wouldn't do to leave him here with us. (besides, it will be a good test drive to see if Trevor can survive without him. Hopefully the withdrawal effects will not be too severe)

So, lotsa good stuff goin' on :-)
 

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What "light rain" looks like in Iowa. 

Ma's definition of fun?--shopping in "light rain."


Happiness

There's nothing so thrilling as shopping in rain,
Unless it's the help of a lovely migraine.

Have a nice day. Be happy.
 

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Carolyn's Morning Glories from last year

  

Today the forecast calls for wind, clouds and drizzly rain, with periods of dreariness interspersed with occasional bursts of drab colorless monotony.

Hence, another picture from the past. Carolyn planted these blue morning glories last spring near a fence. Some purplish versions came up as reminders of previous glorious exploits.

On a totally unrelated note, I am now out of dark chocolate. Yesterday I scrounged up a regular Hershey bar, which was a rather lame substitute, but served as a sort of temporary nicotine-type patch until the real stuff is done buyed later today.

Assuming I last that long.....
 

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Favorite sky

 
 

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You know it's Spring......

.....when your husband comes home and sighs, "I lifted 4 tons, today."

Noooooo, he was not talking about me.

Two days ago....*thinks hard*.....that would be....Thursday, Loren had to deliver "several" boxes of seed corn to Ames-based companies that perform testing on the little kernels.

I don't remember how many boxes he carried, or how many pounds each box was worth, but I think we can safely say it was not 4 one-ton boxes. The net weight spread over all the boxes though, was indeed FOUR TONS.

Yes, a lotta, lotta boxes. And one just has to wonder if all of these seeds are really necessary. How do we know, for instance, that some of them are not part of a huge bribery scandal involving the lab's pet gerbil? And, is it not possible, that some of the corn has been diverted for use in a back-room still, for a little....shall we say....home brew?

If they want to know statistics, they could just ask ME. I have planted (sweet) corn for years now, and I can pretty well guarantee the following results;

1. For every 10 kernals planted, 2 will not come up....unless you plant them closer together to make up for possible losses--then ALL will germinate.

2. For every 10 kernals planted, 3 will be eaten by gophers, who seem amazingly ignorant of the pink-poisonous coating. They approach the seeds from their tunnels, leaving no trace of their theft, providing several more days for the planter to hope in vain.

3. In the inconceivable chance that most seeds will germinate (see 1b), there will be a need for thinning. This involves crouching along the rows in extreme discomfort, and snipping the extras off with a scissors. (yanking out seedlings is not advised, since it could disturb the roots of plants you wish to keep. Also, it is thought to be extremely traumatizing from an emotional standpoint) You will strive to have a plant remaining every six inches or so. Naturally, the ones placed every six inches are usually small and sickly.

4. As the chosen few approach 6-8 inches in height, you will want to topically treat them with some type of fertilizer. Fish Emulsion is one possibility (you don't want to know what this is) or Blood Meal is another good option. (you don't want to know what this is, either) Both are a tad expensive, stink, and can be lost in run-off from one, quick downpour. Do not dispair...all is not lost. The weeds in the path should start greening up quite nicely.

5. In the unusual event that any corn plants survive, they will begin to grow and look quite wonderful to the eye, providing hope for good eating in the future, not to mention a rosy outlook for all of humanity.

6. Enter, the raccoons. In one night of wanton gorging and furry feasting, they will knock down stalks, chew on ears (sometimes their own), and generally make a mess. This will occur before the corn ripens. Naturally, from an epigastric point of view, the coons would rather eat the corn later, but it's just so much more fun when they catch you off guard.

7. Your crop will be gone, your mowing will be hindered, and your kids will be wondering why it was you made them weed the corn, at all.

8. Net gain--Zilch.

Spring:   that wonderful time of year when gardeners work the land, till the soil, and prepare for more agricultural failures.
 

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*blinks*

 (Why you should eat your vegetables)  

NEW YORK -- The New York Liberty's Becky Hammon, in front, guards the Connecticut Sun's 7-foot-two-inch center Margo Dydek, of Poland, during the second half of their WNBA game at Madison Square Garden. (08/02/05 AP photo)

I found this here, under Strange News Photos, and only had to go through 58 of the 99 pictures....

(I'd be willing to bet the one in back has a hard time finding clothes at Goodwill)

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Self-portrait

  

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Roman Legion Vs. Barbarians

A dreaded barbarian accosts the youngest legionnaire.
Squealing ensues.
 
 
Left--(pay no attention to the Dallas Cowboys jacket)
Right--another crafty barbarian with fake bow sneaks up on unsuspecting legionnite.
 
 
Progressive and gloating female legionnairess stands guard over prostrate barbarian, who may well have succumbed to exposure due to his unfortunate wardrobe selection.
 
 
Left--(grim-faced leader of the Nazgûl): "NO MAN CAN KILL ME!"
  (fearless blondish maiden): "I--am--no--man"
 
Oh wait, wrong war....still, Trevor looks on in unabashed hero worship.

(The battle was postponed indefinately after the director/producer was called to the phone for a computer consult)
 

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In Which Ethan Affirms His Maman

Setting:  leaden skies, overlooking dreary brown Iowa fields, surrounding an old farmhouse kitchen--lighted with those ugly, curly, cold-looking, energy-saving lights-that-probably-give-off-death-rays....

Characters:  Ma--the aging matriarch of a large brood; nearsighted with a touch of gray in her short but slightly wavey and not completely unbecoming hair.
Ethan--the eighth of ten children; age 9, with a flat top haircut and a generous sprinkling of freckles across his nose-which he claims to hate but which his mother simply adores...

The breakfast meal has just concluded. Ethan picks up his empty bowl and takes it to the counter--fairly recently redone in a "blue denim" motif from Lowes....

Ethan:  "Thank you for the meal, Mommy."

Ma:  "You're welcome....it's not like I did much. I just put the cereal box on the table."

Ethan:  "But you set the table, Mommy. Without the bowl and spoon we couldn't have eaten!"

Ma:  (appearing somewhat distracted) "Hmmm....I guess I hadn't thought of that."

Ethan:  (quite cheerfully) "Sometimes, you just have to use your head."

*blinks*

(fade to black)

*additional fading*
 

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In search of peace

 
 

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It's official....

.....whiny babies grow up to be conservatives :-)

Unfortunately, (for some) conservatives are the only ones reproducing :-D

'Tis a dilemma. (for some....)
 

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Advantages of rising early

 
 
  
Wow...this only took 5 or 6 tries. It's....it's.....it's another Blogger miracle.
 

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Quality Time Vs. Quantity Time Vs......

Nolan:    " 'Noogie-gaga' is not a word."

Me:    "Uh, no...."

Nolan:    " 'Mission' is."

Me:    "Yes, that's right..."

*blinks*

Have you hugged your alien-from-another-planet today?
 

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As promised......

......we now explore weighty issues directly related to the Universe.

*sticks head out-of-doors and looks up*

Yep. It's still there.

That being established that, let us move on to matters of equal import.

Take pop, for instance. Now, I know there are those who would assert that "pop" should refer to one's dad. To these and the strange folk that call all carbonated beverages, "coke," I would point to this nifty website, which makes known the geographic distributions of such terms.

"Pop," as a substitute for "Dad," seems a little less than respectful to me. Like something out of an old Disney movie. I NEVER used that terminology.

And using the term "coke" to denote the entire realm of carbonated beverages is like ordering a "Hershey's." "What kind of Hershey's?" "M&M's, please."

Some things were just not meant to be--no offense intended toward the Eastern elites or my friends in the South.

No, as we gaze upon the map of controversy, it is clear that those hearty folks of the Heartland have got it right. Not that it makes us better than anyone. Just right :-D

Having thoroughly discussed that little issue, it seems that Pespi is suing Coke.  (and need I point out this lawsuit is not against "pop" in general, but aimed toward a company? I rest my case) I do think it low of Coke to imitate Amish farmers. I'm sure they knew that this religious group would never sue them, thus the commercial.

Unfortunately, my scruples do not extend to the point of switching cola products.

And now, I must attend to my universal favorite, Diet Cherry Coke. And, I do mean, The Real Thing.

*slurrrrp*
 

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The Ma Side

 
Goose Yoga 

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Historical Happnin's

THREE things to report tonight.....everyone had just better sit down and take a DEEP breath.

FIRST of all, Kendra and I made the buy of the century at the grocery store. Yes, I am talkin' pizza, folks. Freschetta, to be exact. Two pizzas for seven dollars. That's SEVEN DOLLARS!

Didn't I tell you to take a deep breath. Now all you guys who didn't are hypventallating all over your TV dinners. Well, don't say I didn't warn you.

Of course, as we all know, this product is distributed by Schwan, the last true ice cream truck still in existence. Naturally, they also provide a few lower priced items, like Red Baron pizza and Tony's--which claims to be pizza, but has yet to be proven so by scientific means.

And speaking of scientific tests--not to mention something a whole lot more serious--those BSE (mad cow disease) tests sent to the Ames Lab last week were delivered by none other, than my husband Loren, who incidentally, is married to yours truly.

Ames, Iowa--still the main USDA aproved lab in the nation to test for Bovine spongiform encephalopathy.

Supper tonight? Frozen pizza, safely topped with cheese and pork products.

Now, expanding onto the international scene, we take you to daughter number deux, currently studying in France. Thankfully, Sharon is not in Paris, but she does have a birdseye view from her location in Dijon.

She has pictures of a local demonstration against the CPE. Go take a look, and try not to be jealous of all the old world charm you see in the background.

*sigh*

One hopes this will not affect her courses of study and obtaining credits and making all that expenditure to study overseas be for naught....

I'm afraid that's all we have time for tonight. Tomorrow....

....the Universe
 

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Somewhere in China

 
Ah, the utopia of a socialistic society 

{2:30pm}Wow....Blogger went down right after I posted this picture, preventing me from acknowledging the photographer. However, in a fit of surprising techno wizardry, they managed to get themselves aright in only....*checks watch*....3 hours.

Anyway, I OBVIOUSLY did not take the above picture. That honor goes to Mark Lauder, which I am pretty sure is no relation to Matt Lauer. I was visiting this site when I beheld the wondrously amusing photo, and unselfishly decided to share.

I thought the cab was an attractive shade of blue.

Must post before Blogger goes down. Again.
 

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Ma's Technologic Breakthrough

*is pleased*

Yes, it is true. The world can now be told....Ma has altered the blog to include a wee picture of the old folks.

It included the following:

• pulling up the blog template
  
• finding a place to insert picture
  
• copying image URL from photobucket
  
• realizing this did not insert image in and of itself
  
• checking my handy-dandy html tutor and finding the appropriate tags
  
• checking preview and realizing picture was WAY too big
  
• muttering aloud, "There must be a way to resize the picture..." which was overheard by Jason who proclaimed, "There is."
  
• Googling "resizing image html" to find link
  
• got it right the FIRST time!

*ahem*

"I would like to thank all my friends at the (blog) academy....special thanks go out to Cynic, who provided me with my very first link to an HTML tutorial (over a year ago) and actually expressed positive encouragement that a crazy ol' lady like me could learn something.

And, a hearty 'THANK YOU' goes to the hubby, who allows his wife to exercise certain whims of a *cough* pseudo-literary nature--in hopes that it will keep me from doing something even worse...

I would also like to extend appreciation to son Jason, who said it would be easy to resize an image--but an important distinction must be made that it was MOI who actually looked up the information and DID it, but he nevertheless deserves some credit. I guess.

You're all beautiful. Really....*sniff*..."

I am so clever, I oughtta be in pictures.....oh wait, I am....

*feels powerful*

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Shadow, Goose, Shadow....

  

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Courtesy of Blogger's continuing unfolding ineptitude, Ma has turned to Photobucket....

Click here to see "Little Hog Lot on the Prairie."

Blogger:   the other Microsoft
 

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A few more prayer requests

We may have to make up a whole new blog, just to take care of prayer requests.

Anyway, Pastor John's sister died from complications of cancer, this past Thursday. The family is traveling out (Mich. ?) tomorrow, so I am sure they would appreciate prayers for their safety. His sister was a believer.

Also, Anna, who had the pacemaker installed (I know that sounds a little odd) is still somewhat nauseated and tired. Her heart is beating regularly, although hard at times. Most of us don't know what it is like to be aware of what our hearts are doing....believe me, we take the ordinary for granted.

Also, concerning her folks who'd had the accident:

Her mom has been released but is sticking close by to tend to Anna's father, who has apparently developed a staph infection. These hospital infections can be tricky, so PLEASE PRAY FOR HER DAD.

His foot had to be reset as tremors after the first surgery messed up the bone knitting process.

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Speechless, I am

Just to show you what a fun guy Loren is, he sends me this IM message earlier today (this is how we communicate) and it says:

ARACHIBUTYROPHOBIA--the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth

*chuckles*

Then I decided, just for fun, to look it up on dictionary.com....

...and suddenly, I may have to rework my entire world view.....
 

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Mallard, thy name is Turkey

(simply because they wouldn't stick around for better poses)

  

I stopped off at a local woodsy/watery park on my way back from getting milk at the local grocery. A small local family was feeding bread to the local ducks and geese, and it was just good to be out-of-doors for a bit. One can feel a bit loco by the end of winter.

Spring begins on Monday so it is hoped that we can survive until then.

Speaking of people-going-outside-with-no-nerve-endings, I returned from cleaning the church to find most of the children playing out of doors, despite temps just above freezing. "Oh good," I though. "Getting fresh air and sunshine." It was then that I observed Nolan racing down the stoney driveway on his bike, sensibly attired in boots, gloves, T-shirt and shorts.

*sigh*

Might as well let him live it up before he breaks something else this summer. ("Nolan...get on your jacket ! Please.")

I wonder if this has anything to do with him lying on the couch complaining of a headache..... He is now undergoing the ministrations of "Sumo of the Opera," with the thought that it will have some restorative effect on him.

But getting back to my cheery entrance into the house, I remarked to Jason, "Cleaning went fast today. Not much trash in the kitchen....not many chairs to straighten....there's must have been less people at the church this week."

"Probably they were all home with the flu."

"Oh."

*reaches for hand sanitizer*

Winter is losing its allure.

Sanity just seems more appealing, somehow....
 

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A Recent Read

Hitler Youth: Growing Up in Hitler's Shadow by Susan Campbell Bartoletti, Scholastic Inc. USA 2005

Under the Nazis, normal life became impossible for young people and their families as they lost their basic freedoms. The Nazis censored every newspaper, radio broadcast, movie, sermon, and classroom lesson....

Books considered un-German were blacklisted and yanked from school and public libraries. The banned books included titles written by Jewish authors as well as authors considered "liberal" by the Nazi Party.....(page 46)

On the night of May 10, 1933, in many German cities, university students and Storm Troopers carried flaming torches and marched behind trucks and oxcarts filled with banned books.....

The work of Heinrich Heine, a German poet of Jewish origin, burned among the books. One hundred years earlier, Heine had warned,

"Where one burns books, one will, in the end, burn people." (Berenbaum xxiii)

(pg 47)

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Woman Power

Hey ho....I just took the "Remember the Ladies" quiz on CNN, with first time correct answers on 11 of 12 questions!

(I got hung up on the name of Ebay's babe--took me all four tries. And after everything I've boughten from them....)

It's a pop-up, so I can't link....but go to the CNN site, and scroll down on the right.

Let me know how you fared :-) and whether or not the correct past participle is "bought," or "boughten."

{3:45pm update--unfortunately, the quiz has now been replaced with "Spa trips and gourmet food" (for pets) which, I'm sure we can all agree is far more important than women in history}  ID-iots.
 

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The Jim-Bob Report: Stormline--Iowa

“Good evening. I’m Jim McDonald bringing you the very latest on that recent snowstorm in the Midwest. We even have pictures.

 
 
Our man in Iowa, Bob MacCackle has been scouring the fields around Des Moines to give us an up-to-the minute report on the weather. Bob? Just how bad is it?”

“Well, Jim, I’m sure you’re familiar with the phrase, “Storm of the Century…..”

“No, Bob, NO! Please tell us it wasn’t that bad….”

“That’s just it, Jim. It wasn’t.”

“Oh. Umm…..could you elaborate on that, Bob?”

“You bet, Jim. The weather forecasters had out storm warnings for half the counties in Iowa….including the one where Ma Hoyt lives. They were supposed to get 5-8 inches, Jim. The kids were really excited. Then, all of a sudden…..WHAM!....next to nothing.”

“Uh, Bob, how can there be a “wham” and then nothing? Or even a next to?”

“My point exactly, Jim. Expectations were raised and prognostications were made. But in the end, the weathermen just couldn’t deliver the goods. I’m tellin’ ya, Jim, there’s a whole bunch of angry people out here. Some of them even went in to town and bought extra MILK, fer cryin’ out loud! There’s a lotta people hurtin,’ here, Jim….a lotta people with unanswered questions…… *sniff*….and some of them were just….just kids !”

“Steady, Bob, steady. So now, as I see it, we have a disappointed population…..most of them children. What’s being done to take care of these folks? Are we talking counselors? Free candy? What?”

“…*blows nose*….Even better, Jim. Since this morning, we’ve had a massive influx of trial lawyers. It seems the Hoyt children have instigated a ‘class action lawsuit’ against the weather personnel. And not just one TV or radio station, Jim. These little nippers are out to get all the meteorologists in the entire viewing area.”

“A lawsuit! Bob….I’m speechless! Utterly, totally, entirely speechless. I would even go so far as to say my speechlessness is in toto ! And, you know I don’t use that astute Latin phrase lightly, Bob. But tell me, are there really enough disgruntled youngsters to facilitate a ‘class action suit?’”

“Oh fer sure, Jim. Why, you take just the Hoyt family alone, and we have…..*counts on fingers*……uh…..carry 3……seven. SEVEN plaintiffs in that household alone. They’re all in different grades or classes, hence, the ‘class action suit.’ They’re going for the “Breach of Promise,” “Severe Emotional Distress,” and “Mom-said-we-could-play-in-the-snow-and-now-we-CAN’T’! angle.”

“….*low whistle*…..I never thought I’d live to see the day, Bob. I’m almost feeling speechless again…”

“Well, Jim, as we all know, you just can’t trust people in radio and television broadcasting. It’s sad but true. I remember what my mother once told me…..”

“Uh, Bob…..we’re in broadcasting….”

“Oh. Right, Jim. I knew that. I KNEW that…..*aside*…..Manny, I told you not to forget my little pink pills at lunch…..”

“…*coughs*…..Alright, ladies and gentlemen. That’s all we have time for this ev…..”

“TELL CBS I’M FREE IF KATIE COURIC WASHES OUT….!”

“…{In your dreams, Bob!}……This is Jim McDonald…..

Good-night.”
 

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Update on Anna.....

.......according to the husband.

That sounds pretty good. I can remember two of Loren's procedures taking 4-5 hours. Course, they involved a combined pacemaker/defibrillator, which meant lots of electrical conductivity tests.

Then too, Loren has always been somewhat difficult....

Anyway, good show, Anna :-)
 

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Thinking outside the box

In Ma's never ending quest to bring you interesting, innovative and imaginative items - - not to mention words that begin with "i," - - we offer these saved-up tidbits of news.

Also, we rather thought it would be fun to post on things outside our area of expertise. (a zone with nearly limitless proportions)
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Who wouldn't want to have a smiley face constructed out of DNA? Aside from the encouraging buttons, much good could come from this.

Here's an example of "thinking outside the legal box." And presumably, completely outside the realm of believability. Obviously, this guy never tried to change a fifty at Wal-Mart.

And, who'd have thought of taking litigation to such an extreme? Thanks to THIS story, I am now giving serious consideration to suing my fat cells.
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But take hope from the announcement of this year's Templeton Prize....for there are those who contemplate deep things, like infinity, the cosmos, and a Creator of both.
 

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I give you.....

 
....the "Betty Boop" Rose. 

For Anna, now the proud host of a bouncing little computer pacemaker.

May your recovery be swift,
May your days be uneventful,
And may the Happy Cynic wait on you hand and foot.

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BREAKING NEWS!!!

It's official.

Republicans are happier than Democrats.

Naturally, I'll be doing my best to comply. And, one has to wonder if this is a mandated item on the BLUEPRINT   (see below) or merely an unintentional side effect....
 

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"Dear Fellow Republican,

You are among a select group of Republicans who have been chosen to take part in the official CENSUS OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY."

(I am?)

"Enclosed is your new GOP CENSUS DOCUMENT which was assigned and prepared especially for you as a representative of all Republicans living in your voting district."

(WHOA! :-)

"Your answers will be used to develop a new BLUEPRINT for the Republican Party for the next 10 years.....

.....But, because it is cost prohibitive for the Republican Party to print and mail an official REPUBLICAN PARTY CENSUS to each and every one of the 55,000,000 Republicans nationwide...."

(*reminds self to enclose postage stamp in return mailer*)

".....your answers will represent the views and opinions of all Republican voters living in your voting district."

(*GASP*)

".....blah, blah blah, (I'm sure they're going to ask for money...) blah blah for two more pages...."

"Make no mistake -- without your answers to the REPUBLICAN PARTY CENSUS DOCUMENT questions....

. . . our leadership will not know how you and other Republicans at the grassroots level of our Party feel about the critical issues facing our nation.

The Republican National Committee will be unable to develop a BLUEPRINT that will truly energize and unify our Party.

...blah, blah, blah...

Won't you please:

1. Complete your specially registered REPUBLICAN PARTY CENSUS and return it to me today?

2. Enclose your most generous gift of $500, $250, $100, $50 or even $25 to help the RNC mail an official REPUBLICAN PARTY CENSUS to 5.5 million Republicans throughout the country?"

I knew it. I KNEW it, *gets paper and pen*....Let's see, 5.5 million times 39 cents....carry the...*checks Google calculator*.....checks with math whiz son to make sure interpretation of numbers is correct*....That will cost, $2,145,000 dollars to send out. Now, if they had only done this before the postal rates had changed, they would have saved....*checks Google again*....$110,000 dollars.

Enough to buy me a lifetime of chocolate, or send one kid to private college.

*weighs these two options*

Welp....*sigh*....possible savings to the Party aside, I have dutifully filled out my questionnaire, all the while shouldering the burden of my entire voting district with appropriate gravitas.

I also enclosed two postage stamps: a 37¢ 1952 Nash Healey, and a 2¢ Navajo Jewerly make up, to symbolize the money they could have saved, and the inclusiveness of the Republican Party.

I believe in doing my part.
 

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Wispy Sunrise

  

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Back again....

....from fun cardiology appts. Just EKG's and listening this time--no echos.

Carolyn and Derek checked out alright...no change. These yearly appointments are for the purpose of developing profiles on both of them. (as well as any others that may show up in the younger kids)

For some strange reason, Derek presented with a sinus (normal) rhythm today, but with PAC's. (premature atrial contractions) The doc says that merely shows they can go in and out of their particular junctional rhythms. Carolyn's was further described as a lower atrial rhythm.

Too tired to look these up.

Anyways, they will continue to be watched, and try as I might, I just can't think of anything humorous to add.
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Anna gets her pacemaker tomorrow. It's outpatient surgery, but you get put under, you get cut, and you forget the whole first day after you wake up :-)

I'm sure she and Cynic would appreciate your prayers. Her mom and dad have been moved into the same hospital room (in Colorado) and seem to be doing fairly well, considering.
 

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Red Admiral on Purple Coneflower

 

Yes, I have delved into my magic bag of photos for another summerish shot.
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In other news, Loren has the day off! *cheering* This will come in handy since Carolyn and Derek have appointments with the electrophysiologist in Iowa City, a mere two and a half hours away. Loren can drive, since I am having a case of the dizzies. *makes mental note to lay off the salt* (I'm thinkin' those fries at McDonald's yesterday were a big mistake....)

I fully expect the check-ups to show that nothing has changed....."Yes Mr. and Mrs. Hoyt, I am happy to report that their weird heart rhythms are still safely weird."

Enough of this frivolity. Off to do a little school with the kiddos before launch and departure. Or maybe that's lunch and departure.

(will someone please stop moving the floor...?)
 

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Welcome to my disturbed world......

....of which two events occurred today. Three, actually.

1) Melinda accompanied me, this noon, on the weekly shopping trip. Each of the children is taking a turn with their chère maman in this privileged excursion, which incidentally, also includes a stop at McDonalds. I’m almost certain, though, their main motivation is to go with me. Eating out is simply a grim necessity.

I managed to make it to the table before dumping a full glass of orange beverage. Regrettably, it did not mesh with the nautical decorative motif. After the nice lady mopped it up, I nearly dropped my fries, but (thankfully) only a few fell to the floor.

I'm thinkin' I need a l-o-n-g rest.

2) The grocery store was out of my usual cheapo saltines, so we had to settle for the variety with unsalted tops. Now, I’m not one to make a big deal out of little things, but it strikes me as odd for the box to say, “Saltines: unsalted crackers.” This may seem like a small thing, but when the American public becomes accustomed to little discrepancies, bigger things could be in the offing.

Today—saltines without salt. Tomorrow—democracy without voting.

It sorta makes you stop and think, don’t it....?

3) While driving home, Melinda and I saw hundreds of geese. They were flying south. Normally, one would expect them to be flying north in the month of March. Which is why I found it disturbing. I couldn’t get a picture as they were flying high and fast. It was reminiscent of the Laura Ingalls book, "The Long Winter," and I decided to beat it home before 7 months of storms commenced.

In lieu of a stunning shot of geese in “V” formations, I offer this humble photo of dead-common blackbirds in an old corn field. Use your imagination and pretend they are long-necked noble honkers, flying off into leaden skies.


Squinting helps.

Imagination and disturbances go hand in hand. And above all, they should not be kept to oneself.

You're welcome.

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Unlike Mame.....

  
....we need a little summer.

The winds are howling and the thermometer hovers around 30 degrees, making a mockery of the near 70 temperature last Saturday. Chance of snow Wednesday and Thursday.

Time to pull out a warmish reminder of a morning walk last August. The weather was delightful, the Asters were blooming in the ditches, and bees were doing whatever it is that bees do.

*sigh*

[note to my Latin and Greek Roots students: this flower will come up in a lesson later this week....]
 

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Sunset Tree

  

Well, just got a call....Pastor John has the flu--no church or Sunday School this morning.

So, Pastor John, I am posting this picture, just for you! (never mind that I was gonna post it anyway...) And I don't even want you to THINK of the potential symbolism of a leafless tree gazing off into the sunset :-D (Ha, ha, don't worry, folks, I can say that kinda stuff to him. I think....)

This is what happens to you "A" personality types: you go, go, go, and then you crash. Now you listen to Ma, and you listen good ! You had better rest up and take it easy and that's an ORDER! (and don't worry about the impropriety of women telling men what to do....as long as I don't quote scripture, I'm alright :-)

Don't make me come over there...The mere thought of Terrible Ma visiting in all her health-hint fury should be enough to keep you on the straight and narrow, recuperatively speaking. (ya gotta love psychological warfare)

Just to show you what a right spirit I have about me, I am not going to even THINK about the fact that the kids and I have been practicing special music ALL WEEK for this morning. I'm sure that had nothing to do with your getting sick.

And as for going through the hardship of cutting three boys' hair yesterday just so they could look decent in church today (and one of them was a flat top--which, as everyone knows, takes extreme skill--not to mention luck--to execute properly) *gasps for air* well, that's OK. Really. I'm sure this back pain from leaning over short peoples' heads will go away. Eventually. And I hardly even feel the arthritic spasms from gripping those weird hair-cutting scissors.

Now, I guess we ought to pray for you.

Hope you feel better soon....please get a lot of rest.

Maybe even some other folks could pray for Pastor John?

Thank you.
 

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Anna's latest update - March 11, 2006

Whew

Well, after the nightmare of yesterday, today is a lot better. I just talked to both my parents and they're doing pretty well. Mom is enjoying the little button that makes the pain disappear and I think she's doped up enough that she hasn't really thought and worried about a whole lot yet.

Dad sounded rather chipper almost. They only set the bone last night, so now his leg is in traction. Either tomorrow of Monday they'll do surgery to put in plates or something like that. Now he gets to set metal detectors off :-)

I got more story and details. The story that they have figured out now is that the pick-up truck lost control and hit my parents with the passenger side. My parents said he came out of nowhere, like a deer just suddenly jumping into the road. The driver of pick-up flew out of his passenger side window (they know this from the hair and scalp stuck to the window...) and landed in the middle of the road, only to get run over by a semi. The semi saw the accident and than the guy in the road but obviously had no way of stopping or swerving in time without making the accident far worse. He did well just stopping the semi on the icy roads. Apparently my parents had thought they has just gotten through the worst of the weather, except for the wind freezing snow on the road.

My parents had just bought their suburban a week ago after selling the other one. They hadn't even made their first payment yet---as my mother mentioned to me this morning.

Thank-you everyone. People are telling me just to go ahead with my surgery on Wednesday. I'm still inclined to mostly. Josh is the only one with doubts just based on the problems the office has had with scheduling and my files and what not.

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Rock, Paper, Scissors

Once in a while something so goofy comes along, that you just have to sit back and take a deep breath.

That is how I felt yesterday when I read this little gem. Not quite believing my eyes, I decided to do a bit of research. That's right, I googled.

Not only is there a "Rock, Paper, Scissors," Tournament, there's an official SOCIETY. With a Mission Statement.

Is it just me, or does this make anyone else out there a little scared?

It's gone beyond your ho-hum article in Wikipedia. There is even an official Strategy Guide.

Not just for Boy Scouts, we're talkin' big leagues, with big sponsors.

Ah....alcohol. It's all beginning to make sense, now.

And what about the Olympics? Is Olympic status a possibility? It might give Bode Miller a chance to redeem himself.

At any rate, while in the midst of my indepth research, I stumbled across this satirical publication, with an alarming exposé on the use of steroids in this noble hand sport. It certainly warrants more attention....

.....just as soon as I finish my Dark Chocolate Mission Statement.
 

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Coming out of the clouds

  

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The latest....

(from Anna's blog)

My parents are in Denver as are my younger brother and older sister with family. Mom is in ICU (well, maybe recovery still) but she's out of surgery. Her neck is fine but she has broken ribs on both sides. While taking out her spleen, they took the gallbladder too. (At least that won't bother her anymore)

My dad's in Pre-op getting ready for the ankle to be fixed. The bone was broken in two place right above I seem to think.

I think the next 24 hours are the most critical for my mom. So keep praying. We're staying put in Longview, as well as my older brother, unless something drastically changes or we're desperately needed for help (which will be more after they get out of the hospital, not right now)

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Giving Ma the eye

 
I finally got him. After being rather cagey with me yesterday, Mr. Robin was posing all over the yard today. I guess he just had to check with his agent, first.
_____________________

(Please keep praying for the situation mentioned below....)
 

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Update on Accident

It is worse than the initial hazy information....

The semi did not hit the car of the inlaws. But it did run over a man who was running to see if they were alright.

The husband has a bone sticking out of his ankle, the wife a ruptured spleen and fractured vertebrae. They were airlifted to Denver (they were driving from CO to TX) with surgery to start immediately on her.

Their Suburban met a pickup head-on. Icy roads were involved, sliding....bad stuff.

The man from the pick-up was running to check on them....until the semi.

Awful. If you wish to read from the daughter, check here. (if you have trouble reading against the dark background, click and drag the mouse over text to highlight) {6:40pm Also, Cynic has now updated...}

Please keep praying for all involved.

Thanks
 

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A call goes out.....

.....for prayer.

{12:45 update--with additional information, it turns out things were a little different and a little worse than previously reported--more later}

Just got an IM from down Texas-way. The mother and father-in-law of the Cynic have been rear-ended by a semi.

Said father-in-law looks to have a broken arm but they are otherwise OK.

They are on their way to the hospital.

Car is totaled.

The travel was taking place in honor of Cynic's wife who is having a pacemaker implanted next week, so this might complicate meeting up at the intended hospital.

Thank you for your prayers.
 

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Hugo's Pheasant

 

Heard the first robin of spring, but he declined to sit still for a picture. Settled for a crazy pheasant flying off into the sunset.
 

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For your edification.....

Got this helpful link from D.W. in Florida. Click, enter zip and find the closest cheap gas. Updated every evening.
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On the political scene, Hugo Chavez is making a change to Venezuela's coat of arms.

Ma thinks he might consider altering the horse's color, too. Rainbow is always nice.
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For those of you wondering how to cut back on the noon expenses for a large family...I have hit on the perfect plan!

Read aloud from a book about earthworms, before announcing a luncheon menu of macaroni and cheese.

The littler kids are still hungry, but the older (more expensive) ones are not.

Tomorrow's plan?

Yellow fever and fried egg sandwiches.

*sigh*

Man, I just love homeschooling :-D

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Word Power

After reading about the Chambers Dictionary   here, I decided another reference bookmark was needed on my sidebar. Let us hope the good Mr. Brookes is indeed able to keep words such as "logodaedalus," and "imcompossible" within the updated tome.

Now, while some strive to hang on to language, others--fettered with the chains of political correctness--let go. Never mind that the original nursery rhyme was a reference to taxation. Never mind that the verse taken at face value actually accords worth to black wool. (in my mind, anyway) We just can't risk offending anyone. Somehow, "Baa, baa, rainbow sheep..." just doesn't have the same ring to it.
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Amusing words from a customer of Scholl's....the latter of which exercised remarkable restraint and politesse.

And while we're linking to blogs of young computer professionals, Zippy has a humorous article from Jim Shea, a columnist who apparantly has the answer to Washington's lobbyist problems. (the inability to link to a specific post on your blog, Zippy, forced me to find the original article....not that I'm whining, or anything :-)
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Time having elapsed in a most velocious manner, I regret the inability to elaborate on the woman suer who fell while dancing on a lounge piano......
 

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The Ma Side

 
While walking to his mailbox one morning, Professor Schnoogle glanced down and....VOILÀ!....the theory of "Puddle Pangaea" emerged from the primordial ooze of his brain.
 

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Ma's Literary Corner: Zacharias and Stephen King

Having read Stephen King's "On Writing," (Pocket Books, New York, 2002) it is perfectly understandable where he got some of his weird ideas for his novels.

This is a fascinating book, from his childhood remembrances, through his nuts and bolts instruction on the craft of writing, to his traumatic postscript, "Here's what it's like to be hit by a van." That last part just about made me cry, thinking about the obvious "My-husband's-in-huge-physical-danger" parallels between his wife and me. I had to restrain myself from emailing him to inquire, "Hey, Steve, are you OK, man?"

Certainly Mr. King excels in story-telling, but his primer on writing is equally absorbing. There is just enough information to be as helpful as a small text book, minus the dry and boring parts.

I would make one exception to his advice on the use of "colorful" language, particularly in matters of dialogue. Stephen King advises using it, since that is the way people talk in the real world. But I know an awful lot of people in "my world" who convey various ideas quite effectively without the added "color." I rather doubt that leaving out questionable material is going to offend anyone. And any writing in my future would probably not depict persons of (verbal) color.

My favorite quote:

"No one can be as intellectually slothful as a really smart person: give smart people half a chance and they will ship their oars and drift....dozing to Byzantium, you might say." (pg 138)

(Thanks to daughter Ardith for the loan of this book. I'll get it back to you, sometime.... :-)
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"The Lotus and the Cross," by Ravi Zacharias, (Multnomah Publishers, Inc. Sisters, Oregon, 2001) is a slim little volume I picked up at the Goodwill Store. Any book that I can complete while waiting on four children in the dentist's office has got my stamp of approval. (the fact that this is the only literary work I've read front to back in a waiting room.....is beside the point)

An imaginary conversation between Jesus Christ and Buddha, I was struck by the following quotes, all attributed to Jesus:

"....morality as a badge of attainment breeds the deadliest state of mind - a delusion of absolute autonomy." (pg 28)

"These two things - superstition and legalism - rush into hearts bereft of a God of mercy and grace." (pg 67)

"....truth doesn't eliminate respect. But respect should not be an end in itself."

"Respect for the right of another to be wrong does not mean that the wrong is right." (pg 81)

I want to read more of Zacharias.
 

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Today in Iowa

  

{10:15 update}--this is the last we'll see of the sun for a week....
 

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The Jim-Bob Report: It's not good....

"Good evening, I'm Jim McDonald. Tonight, we had intended to bring you a wrap-up of the Oscars, but that show has been pre-empted by a breaking news story from Des Moines. We go now to our man in Iowa, Bob MacCackle. Bob? Fill us in, if you will. It must be mighty important to have replaced our coverage of the Oscars and their aftermath."

"It's just this, Jim...and let me tell you, your not gonna be-lieve it....in fact, I can't believe it, Jim. It....it....it just boggles the imagination...."

"What, Bob? WHAT?"

"Apparently, the majority of our viewing public doesn't care, Jim. Can you believe it? They don't care about the most important announcements of the year....who won the OSCARS!.....*sob*....excuse me....I'm gonna need a moment, here..."

"Now, Bob, let me see if I've heard this correctly. Are you saying, the American public has not been on the edge of their collective seats, waiting with anticipation for the winners to be announced?"

"...*sniff*....Yes, Jim. That's JUST what I'm saying. And it gets worse. Recent polls have shown that almost 70 % of the viewing public thinks people in the movie industry are self-absorbed, pretentious, and narcissistic."

"Narcissistic? Now Bob, let's be absolutely clear on this....are we talking the pompous, arrogant and overbearing type of narcissism? Or are we referring to more of an egotistical, self-centered and vain....mmmm....vein?"

"All that and more, Jim....including conceited, self-serving, snobbish and supercilious."

"Oh, not 'supercilious!' Anything but that....say it isn't SO, Bob...."

"That's a 'negatory' on not being supercilious, Jim. But I haven't even touched on all the ramifications of this. As hard as it may be to understand, this attitude carries over into television, and yes, even newscasting, Jim!.....*sniff*....*hic*.....(can somebody please get me a glass of seltzer water? European, if you've got it....)"

"Well Bob, this simply defies all common sense. Doesn't the public know we have only the most altruistic motives behind every story we report? Every million dollars we make for reading off the teleprompter--which isn't as easy as it sounds--means nothing compared to the love of disseminating news each day, to those whose right it is to know ?"

I'm sorry, Jim...did you say disseminating? Or decimating? We may be having an audio problem here......(Kyle, get me my earphones with the Peruvian lambskin covers, fer cryin' out loud...!)"

"Disseminating, Bob, as in 'promulgate.'...."

"Wait a sec, Jim. Let me look that last word up on my Blackberry.....'P'...'R'.....uh, what comes after 'R,' Jim?"

"'O'...*sigh*....Alright, Bob....I'm sensing we may need to take a step back, and just get a feel for the moment....*mutters*....(next thing you know, people won't be interested in the Olympics,...in....in...Bode.....)"

"Uh, Jim....the Olympics were the next part of the survey....and...well....it doesn't look good...."

"AARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH! What is WRONG with humanity??!!....."

*fade to black*

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The Ma Side

 
As Opal Opossum limped home from the last of the Oscars parties she resolved to change three things in her life:
1) Never fight with raccoons for leftovers in Hoyt's burn pile
2) No more posing for the Iowa paparazzi
3) Next year....dump the moth-eaten fur look and just go with a beaded gown.
 

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Oh, that wacky Iowa weather

 

It snowed today. That was after the sleet and freezing rain of last night, but before the dense fog of now.

I'd take a picture, but...um....it's really hard to see. I'd noticed a little fog starting on the way to see "Curious George," and by the time we got out and started home, it was SO thick I was tempted to take refuge in McDonald's overnight :-)

I observed a few curiosities at the movies:

-they don't tell you to turn off your cell phone at kiddie flicks

-it's never really quiet with a hundred children in a room

-your 4-year-old will almost make it through the movie before he has to visit the bathroom....and when you get back with him, your 6-year-old will have to go.....and when you get back with HIM, the credits will be running.

-thought the old man's voice sounded particularly good and familiar. Dick Van Dyke is always a treat.

Next time I go to one of these things I'm bringing my knitting.

And I don't knit.

At least the four youngest have received recompense for the others viewing Narnia.
 

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Trevor Bunny Boy turns 4

His birthday was actually last Sunday, February 26, but the timing worked out better for this evening. Among other unexpected occurences, Loren worked 50 hours this past week--not counting the 3 hour commute each day. We've accommodated birthdays before. It's more important to have everyone there and feeling alive than to be legalistic about the day.

Trevor got the first candle blown out, but that was all his powers of wind could extinguish. It took the expertise of someone 50 years older to finish off the job. (I'll bet you thought I was talking about me, but I was referring to Loren :-)
 

Just what every four-year-old needs....a cell phone. *sigh* It's a toy of course, but you have NO idea the number of annoying ring tones it produces, including a very realistic fax sound. Originally it was Carolyn's who passed it down to Ethan at Christmas. And now the torch has been passed on to Trevor. Thanks guys. Thanks a lot. (there is no WAY this toy is going to church tomorrow)
  

Trevor noticed a couple of siblings running around, wrapping various personal treasures as their gifts to him. He decided to get in the spirit of things and wrap a present for himself :-D All I had to supply was the tape.

He opened his present first. It's a little boy doll wearing only underwear.

Apparently he is quite bullish on his potty training accomplishments.

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Of Purple Cows and Parodies

  

A Purple Cow By Mr. Gelett Burgess

I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I'd rather see than be one.
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Here is the poem parodied in the
style of...

Edgar Allen Poe - Parody by Susan and David Hollander

One lonely, gloomy, windswept eve
A mournful sound did I perceive.
I cast my eyes beyond the pane
And to my horror down the lane
Came a sight; I froze inside
A spectral cow with purple hide.
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Emily Dickinson - Parody by Susan and David Hollander

On far off hills
And distant rills,
Sounds a distant moo.
A purple spot
I think I caught,
Yes! I see it, too!

In Bovine majesty she stands,
Her purple tail she swings,
The amethyst cow,
To my heart somehow,
Perfect joy she brings.

And yet the thought of being
Of that race of royal hue,
Though glowing like the violet sweet,
It really would not do.
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John Keats - Parody by Carolyn Wells*

A cow of purple is a joy forever.
Its loveliness increases. I have never
Seen this phenomenon. Yet ever keep
A BRave lookout; lest I should be asleep
When she comes by. For, though I would not be one,
I've oft imagined 'twould be a joy to see one.
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William Wordsworth - Parody by Carolyn Wells*

She dwelt among the untrodden ways
Beside the springs of Dee;
A Cow whom there were few to praise
And very few to see.

A violet by a mossy stone
Greeting the smiling East
Is not so purple, I must own,
As that erratic beast.

She lived unknown, that Cow, and so
I never chanced to see;
But if I had to be one, oh,
The difference to me!
_________________________

Rudyard Kipling - Parody by Carolyn Wells*

In the old ten-acre pasture,
Lookin' eastward toward a tree,
There's a Purple Cow a-settin'
And I know she thinks of me.
For the wind is in the gum-tree,
And the hay is in the mow,
And the cow-bells are a-calling
"Come and see a Purple Cow!"

But I am not going now,
Not at present, anyhow,
For I am not fond of purple, and
I can't abide a cow;
No, I shall not go today,
Where the Purple Cattle play.
But I think I'd rather see one
Than to be one, anyhow.

* "Diversions of the Re-Echo Club" by Carolyn Wells in THE BOOK OF HUMOROUS VERSES compiled by Carolyn Wells. Copyright 1920, 1936 by Doubleday & Company, Inc.

LINK for the above writings

(photo by Ma Hoyt)

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The Ma Side

 
When students at The School of Jet Propulsion forget their lunch 

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We went, We saw, We borrowed

 
In which Carolyn and Ethan exercise their powers of persuasion to their little brother regarding his need to share library cushions with them
 

In which Trevor seeks devine guidance concerning said cushions
 

In which the seeker sleeps on his decision
  

As well as the above, we also procured library books...though only around 100 this time.

(You may have noticed a previous post with the these pictures out of order. Ma has prevailed! First, I tried renaming the last picture-which I'd wanted to be first-with a number earlier in the sequence. That not working, I simply dragged the pictures down in the order I wanted :-) Let it be known.....Ma will NOT be thwarted)

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Fun stuff for the day

  

This cartoon came to me from Jim Bishop, the Public Information Officer at Eastern Mennonite University. Jim was asked to write several tributes to Dad for different Mennonite magazines, and through the magic of email I received copies of his articles and this old cartoon. Jim superimposed Dad's name at the bottom, since it fit to a " T " the kind of reply Dad would have liked to give....all in fun.
___________________________

As Ethan and I were reading about Henry Ford for yesterday's third grade history, we came across a couple of jokes that were told about Ford cars.....

I hear they're going to magnetize the rear bumper of the Ford.

Why would they do that?

So it can pick up the parts that fall off.

- - - - - -

I don't need a speedometer. When my Ford is going five miles per hour, the hood rattles. When it goes 10 miles an hour, my teeth rattle. And when it goes 15 miles per hour, the engine falls out.

They say Henry didn't mind the jokes, since the popularity helped to sell more cars.
____________________

And now, something really special from TANK....

You're gonna need video capabilities (and headphones if in a library or *cough* taking a break from work) for this funny commercial :-D

"A cheerful heart is good medicine..."  Proverbs 17:22a

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Before......

 

First of all, let it be noted that I posted two...count 'em, TWO pictures in the same post. And I figured it all out by my little ol' self.

*looks smug*

Here we see a nice bowl of Ma's Power Oatmeal, and.....assorted papers.

You know you have to clean off the desk when it's easier to call someone who's number you've memorized, to get someone else's phone number, because it's easier to call than paw through the desk and find the church directory.

By the end of the first hour I had cleared off the top of the monitor. And yes, I did find the church phone directory.

I also found a notice that I have only two more days to register the younger kids for their yearly assessment test.

The Lord moves in mysterious ways.

.....and After
  

Here we have a tidier, more organized....more happy work space.

The mandolin is happy since I dusted off the gig bag. True, it is no closer to playing at a gig, but being dusted off always gives it more hope.

The CD's, now, are nicely arranged according to category. To the left of the divider are all the Christmas discs--they won't be needed for a while. Also on sabbatical, "Irish Pub Songs." Let's just say it was a mistake, and leave it at that.

The full shelf starts with the most sublime....Opera, before moving on to the traditional classics of Bach, Vivaldi and Mozart. To the far right are the "religious" CD's, with Bluegrass on the very end. I have the Gregorian Chant safely ensconced with the classicals, fearing that placement in the immediate vicinity of Bluegrass would be expecting too much. Even for monks.

I wasn't quite sure where to put "Les Misérables," so I just plunked them in the middle, with Don McLean, Big Band and the other Libertines.

Enough of the CD's. I'm pretty mellow, after all.

See the attractive hanging plant? I even cut out the dead leaves....and wiped down the living ones with a damp cloth. Shades of Hyacinth Bucket. My sister-in-law, Elizabeth, said that philodendrons thrive on neglect. One could make a case that I am pretty low to let a philodendron get dead leaves, but I think it's merely root-bound.

I'll get around to repotting it one of these years.

The little picture to the right is of a winsome Burpee Seed girl. She looks remarkably like me, especially if you add glasses, 20 pounds and 30 years. Or, it could be 30 pounds and 20 years.....but the chick definitely needs glasses.

One more thing....I ran across 11 or so leftover graduation announcments for Ardith. These could be worth a lot of money some day. Or not. Maybe I could just reuse them for Jason. Shouldn't have to cross out and rewrite more than three or four sections.

Not to hurry. I'll have a good four years to think about it.

Providing the desk stays clean.

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