Harvest Time!

Carolyn and I were out on our walk when we saw Farmer Frey drive up with his grain semi. We knew something was up!

We also knew we'd have a gloating Ethan to deal with...he's been announcing "any day now..." and this would only prove him right again, at least in his own eyes.

But that's okay. We're used to dealing with his unbounded exuberance in his abilities on many matters. Harvest prognostication being only one of the categories of life in which he excels.

I didn't get too great a photos, since I wasn't feeling up to par. So sub par, in fact that two naps were partaken of, assuring tonight's sleep to be elusive, once again.

But on the ye olde harveste!

Farmer Frey brought the bean head on a trailer, as usual...


..the kids line up to see the festivities.


And it's a done deal...the head is affixed to the combine.


Somewhere's in here I was taking my first nap...

What are Nolan and Trevor looking at?


Ahhh, the offloading of beans from the combine.
There's just something cool about watching a legumal tide.

Finishing out a row.


The field is harvested and I'm off to non sleepo.
 

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The Long Road Back to Ma

Yes, I KNOW we've been down this lane before, hence the adjective, "LONG."

With an attitude of eating better and increasing the non-existing exercise, I got up this morning and walked 2 miles with Carolyn. We trekked down the lonely, gravelly road, commencing with our faces toward a wind that only blew at 25 miles per hour.

After that, a breakfast à la Rocky, except, I do cook my eggs a little...still, there's nothing quite so satisfying as licking up the leftover golden goodness, tongue on plate, and hopefully, no one watching.

A few objectives in the "Long Road Back to Ma" fiasco will be:

1) to get to the point where I'm not tired walking up the stairs.

2) to lose one of my three triple chins.

3) to arrive at a point in time where I don't have to take a rest every day (two if I exercise. And if I don't snooze as much, the phone won't ring as often, because, INVARIABLY, whenever I take a rest, the phone awakens me).

With these heady goals in mind, I aim to:

1) Eat sensibly every other day

2) On alternate days, indulge in vegetative drinks, skip the chocolate

3) Exercise my way up to 4 miles per day

I think this is doable, particularly if we ever get that holodeck installed.
 

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"Are You as Out of Shape as a Ma?"

*wild applause*

"Welcome!....Welcome, everyone, to the first episode of Are You as Out of Shape as a Ma?. I'm Dude Perfect, your host. I was chosen because, well...I'm perfect. It was thought I'd be an excellent choice to help show how all of our competitors are real losers.

Our first contestant on this wacky new game show is none other than...Ma, herself! Before we begin Ma, maybe you should give a little bit of background on your physical condition..."

"Well Dude, I was fairly active over most of the summer, but these past 6 weeks or so I've basically been a sloth. And I don't think you can count sitting on the couch doing school with the kids, as exercise. In short, I feel like a whale."

"Well that's just SUPER, Ma! Now, why don't you tell us what you did today. Give us the details of time, intensity and overall type of work."

"Alright. Since the daughter got married, I thought I'd drive down to her place and take care of the weeds that had grown up while she and El Groomo were planning their Hawaiian getaway. In all, I spent just over 9 hours, four of which involved driving. And by the way, I had to balance a Angus Mushroom and Swiss on the drive back, which was no small feat!"

"Ohhhh, that sounds brutal, Ma. Now tell us about the actual workout. I mean, besides the tricky hamburger part."

"Right. Well, there were some very nice weed specimens. I don't like to brag, but not just anyone can grow weeds and let them go to seed like that...it was pretty impressive! And thankfully, it had just rained, so the weed-pulling was not overly taxing."

"OK, So, what you're saying is that you didn't have to work that hard?"

"Did I say that? No. Some of them were almost as tall as me!"

"Soooo, about 4 feet, then?"

"Don't make me get tough with you, Dude. They were a challenge, because, there were so MANY of them. A coupla times I almost got lost! But I persevered. Lunch was only an apple and a chocolate or two. I was there to work, Baby! And work, I did. I even had to take a chair out to the special yard waste can, so I could climb inside and stomp down all those stalks. I always knew this extra weight would come in handy, some day."

"Sounds impressive, Ma. ("By the way, you were just kidding backstage about sitting on me if I gave you any grief, right?" "OH yeah. I mean....probably...") Hooo-kay. So you weeded, you stomped...anything else?"

"You bet, Dude. I pruned away approximately 300 sucker shoots from the base of a flowering crab tree..."

"Uh...Ma, should you be doing that this close to fall? Pruning off sucker shoots?"

"ARE YOU QUESTIONING SOMEONE WHO IS ALMOST A MASTER GARDENER? HMMMMM? ARE YOU?"

"Well, uh...no, actually."

"All right then. I mean...it's not even my tree, so...I don't see the problem. Now, I think we've covered the major points. I would have to honestly say, though, that I am feeling rather old and sore. I think a five-hour stint was plenty for someone who hasn't be working out, regularly. I'm stiff, my back aches, and I defy anyone to surpass my level of physical lameness!"

"Yes, Ma, I think we can all agree that you have set the bar pretty high when it comes to being out of shape. And it looks like that's all we have time for, folks!

Join us next time when we see if our second contestant can beat Ma's record. Bobo the chimp will be attempting to peal ["peel." Dude meant to say "peel"] 900 bananas in a large vat of peanut butter.

Until then, this is Dude Perfect saying, 'Good night! And Go Veg.' "

*fade to black*
 

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It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

1. Digging up Scouring Rush from the ditch and planting it on our property.

Close to my roses.

Let me tell you, these babies spread prolifically! They were starting to invade the rose bed so Ma had to DO something. The first mild-mannered attempt at control--popping them off at the base--merely produced 5 or 6 new shoots from the original stem.

Okay then. We know THAT doesn't work.

I decided it was time to get tough. As in poison. ROUND-UP poison.

Of course, it being the end of summer (several weeks ago), and Wal*Mart being at least 4 months ahead of real time (I expect the spring couture at any moment), they no longer stocked what I wanted.

To their credit, they had a few clearance items that included poison ivy specific Round-Up. Said it was good for "invasive" plants. It was beginning to sound almost appropriate.

So today, after literally weeks of sloth and potato chip decadence, I managed to don my work cloths, even remembering where they WERE, so I could accomplish donnage.

Taking my trusty pruning shears, I nipped off each trespassing reed, then squirted 3 or 4 good doses of poison, right down the ol' gullet, as it were.

Pretty satisfying, all in all.
______________

2. Cutting herbish sprigs, and then hanging them up to dry, in the kitchen. My friend, Vici Tyson does this, though I gotta admit, it looks a whole lot better hanging from their rough hewn beams than the goofy, heart-shaped knick-knack beside my stove.

Dried parsley is supposed to be green, right? Well, mine is turning yellow, with definite leanings toward burnt umber.

And when you sniff it, there's a distinct odor of stinky socks. I don't recall smelling this when I open a bottle of dried parsley from the store. Maybe they dye the stuff, I don't know...
_______________

In other news, our land-line phone seems to be fixed! We'd noticed that every time it rained, things got dicey. A partial ring, and then nothing. Basically, no calls were getting through. I could have been offered a book deal and we never would have known, ha, ha.

The magic man from Quest came by, in his magic van, sporting his magic tools. Besides a short near our place, there was a terminal box down the road that had a few issues. A mouse had gotten inside and chewed away some of the insulation, so that every time it rained, a short occurred down there, as well.

Just one of the many perks of livin' in the country. The excitement never ends.

Sometimes, it never begins, either.
 

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Boys, Dinosaurs and Doing Without

Much in popularity of late is the nifty dinosaur set Trevor received from Ardith for being the ringbearer.

Trevor and Nolan were "doing a story" with said ferocious pieces of plastic, before breakfast. It included the usual dinosaur sounds, plus a few added effects from space stories, and random references to Kung Fu Panda....

Ma: "Hey guys...not so loud..."

Nolan: "But dinosaurs ARE loud."

Trevor: "Yeah, WEAL loud!"

(back to their story)

Nolan: "OK...these guys had a fantastic plan....it would make vegetation spring up, right in front of them!"

*more eating and blasting noises*

Trevor: "And THESE guys wu-hoh cloaked!"

Trevor: "THESE guys wu-hoh DOU-BOH cloaked, so you couldn't see them at all! "

*space noises*

Nolan: "And then (holds up huge T-Rex), the KING guy got attacked..."

"POW, POW, POW...!"

Nolan: "And he asked, 'Hey, why did you guys attack me?' "

Trevor: (dutifully repeating) "Hey, why did you guys attack me?"

Nolan: "We didn't attack you...Punch him! PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH! HI-YA !"

Trevor: "Hi-YA !!"

....later that day....

Nolan: "Hey Mommy, this is a ship that can MAKE dinosaurs."

"hmmmmm"

Trevor: "...and this is the Dinosaur Crystal of Power."

"uh-huh"
____________

I am only now beginning to feel the full deprivation of being limited to amusements like Tinker Toys and Lincoln Logs.

I did, however, watch many of the original Star Trek episodes, and they can't take that away from me, oh no...they can't take that away from me.
 

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The Cake Not Eaten

A cake cooled in a laden fridge,
And sorry I could not eat it all
Or even take a tiny smidge
Though thoughtfully I eyed the ridge
Of almonds, hid beneath the foil.

The center, moist and tender fare
Was covered deep in chocolate lid
With coconut and sugar, paired,
And melted marshmallows, ensnared
Its ruthless siren call to bid.

Oh, what would be the harm to take
Within the dead and quiet night
The smallest sliver from that cake
And thus a toothsome morsel make
Apart from kindred, frowning sight?

Nay, a time would surely bide
When guilt and thought remorse the deed,
Striking heart with wish to hide
The stolen pleasure. 'Twas denied,
Such cake, I did not eat.

(apologies to Robert Frost)
 

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Flying With Nutcases

The hummers are all off their rockers. Swooping in and out, they barely feed at all. Their main objective being to make sure none of the OTHER hummingbirds can sip the sugar water.

It's hard to concentrate on schoolwork, some mornings. I even went out and dangled the feeder from my hand, while one came to imbibe.

They really are feisty critters of abundant humor!

Oh hey...you wanna piece o' me? Huh? C'mere and MAKE---MY---DAY, baby!"


"We shall fight by the feeder..."


"We shall fight in midair!"


"We shall stand guard upon the post..."


"We shall fight with our Romulan cloaking devices!"


"We shall never, NEVER, surrender!"


Like I said...nutcases.
 

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Bringing the World Together, One YouTube at a Time

So, I left a message for Ardith on Facebook...something to the effect of, "Bring me back some fresh pineapple, or a hot version of Hawaiian War Chant."

And my oldest brother-in-law (sorry, Bruce...you're a pastor so I have to tell the truth, ya know...), who just happens to live in New Zealand, commented with an awesome YouTube link:



A rugby team, apparently made up mostly of Maori, do their best to demoralize the opposing team, heh, heh. It's not Hawaiian, but it certainly is a war chant. Gotta love it!

Also along the lines of YouTube frivolity, here's the Muppet version of Hawaiian War Chant :



You can't help but have a good day after that!
 

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In Which Ma Saves El Hubbo 12 Bucks

It was shopping day in the agrarian state of Iowa. Or at least it was for Ma Hoyt, sometimes referred to as "Ma the Cheapskate."

She was, shall we say, thrifty to the point of largesse, as demonstrated by the many stacks of used books she had donated to herself through the wise allotment of her husband's money.

And this day was like many other shopping days, which would mean, first of all, that it was not night.

As in the past, Ma attempted to start the Green Dragon Lady Lincoln, which surprisingly enough, did commence to chuggity-chug.

Accompanying our matronly hero in her acquirement of stuffs, was daughter number four, Melinda-the-fairly-quiet.

Now, today's trip would include the search for raiment, a chore Ma was well acquainted with, as she had spent, earlier that year, many, many, many, MANY hours waiting for college peoples to try on clothes.

And it was during today's period of waitage that our slightly graying heroine noticed the lovely jammies hanging on racks within viewage of the dressing rooms.

A smart ensemble of smooth, purply-black silkiness caught her eye. She looked. She lingered. She longed.

She put the 1200-penny pretties in her cart.

And then she saw Tinkerbell.

Tinkerbell was hanging coyly off to the side, her clearance-priced separates boasting $1.00 each. One dollar, plus one dollar....that would make....TWO DOLLARS FOR PJ's!

WELL, Ma promptly returned the age appropriate items to their original home and snatched Tinkerbell's two-dollar offering.

Imagine...pajamas for two buckeroos!

She went back to the dressing room bench for renewed meditation.

But....something was amiss. Something was not right.

Indeed, should a 51-year-old woman stoop to the likes of Tinkerbell? Did she not deserve something more in line with her stature? Her elevated station in life? Not to mention some recompense for the endless hours of labor during childbirth?

It would seem, oh yes, it would seem seem-ly.

Ma returned the clearance duds and re-chose the satiny silks of sophistication.

This, THIS was more like it. Should a matron feign youth? Does a princess wear polka-dots? Would the queen, be seen, in a Tinkerbell dream?

In a word..."Nope."

And thus did Ma return, again, to wait.

It was only a few, mere moments, however, that reason did once again pound it's ugly fist upon her brain.

"Ma," it said, "do you need those pajamas?"

"But....but..."

"Ma, I'm SPEAKING to you, Ma..."

"Oh, alright...I'll put them back."

*sniff*

And so it was that Ma decided to "make do" with her oldish PJ's.

Twelve dollars. Saved. Just like that.

It warms the heart, if not the body.

It recaptures the hard-fought willpower, almost abandoned.

It restores her faith in humanity, and...

...it means El Hubbo can take her out to eat!

Sooner or later, saving money always pays off.
 

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Wedding Reception Album

Here it is.

Like I said earlier, I regret missing some key photos of people, but I was trying to enjoy myself as Ardith's mom and not there solely to take pictures :-)

I still have to make a few edits on the captions, but since Picasa refused to allow that at the moment, it'll wait.

Here are 36 photos. The professional ones taken by the photographer should be up on line for viewing and orders, in the not too distant future.

Ardith's and Justin's Wedding Reception

 

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Et Encore Plus Pictures de la Weddingo

But first, a short session of self browbeating...

Somehow, I neglected to get a picture of my oldest brother, Doug, and wife Cindy. They drove all the way out from Indiana to attend the wedding.

To compound my goof-headedness, I also missed out on getting a picture of Sherwood and Sharon and their kids, Esther and Jonathon. They went to church with us yesterday and stayed overnight at our house, and yet, not even ONCE did I think to take a picture.

I ask them for a do-over but I've already started changing the sheets...

Okay then. Here we have the carefully prformed procedure known as "Hacking the Cake."


Trevor, with his rendition of the "Bubble Tango."
I would hate to meet this guy in a dark alley some night!

The kid is obviously dangerous in a tux.

I particularly like this one of Ardith and her Aunt Sharon Hoyt.
Sherwood and Sharon drove all the way out from the Philadelphia area.

The bubble farewell.
So hard to say goodbye when all you have to look forward to is a honeymoon in Hawaii. They seem to be bearing up rather well, though.

__________

This morning we have received blessed rain! Buckets and buckets. The first watery stuff in the past 4 weeks.

It's splashy.

And wet.

It's how folks in the country wash their cars.
 

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Deux More Pictures

Bubbles aren't just for kids....or ARE they....?
The entrancement of Scholl. Now Anna knows what to get him for Christmas.

As promised, Justin shows off his Hula skills! Everyone was duly impressed...
...even Mrs. Betz. Particularly Mrs. Betz.

Mrs. Betz. Doesn't that sound nice?

:-)
 

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Peut-être Pics de la Weddingo

Above you see Ma's unique brand of mangled French and Spanish.

I like to think of myself as an innovator.

There will be an album up from the photographer, later, but I got a few shots at the reception, the majority of which will go into a Picasa album when I've sufficiently recovered sleep, or lost 20 pounds, whichever comes first.

Here they are, Ardith and Justin Betz!


Tables were supplied with little bells, which when rung, required the newlyweds to kiss.
The bells went off on a regular basis :-D

My three boys, Ethan, Nolan and Trevor.
Of course, their only interest was in the mechanics of the cake cutting.

Justin's folks gave them appropriate gifts for their trip to Hawaii...
...stay tuned, there will be a great one of Justin doing the Hula.

Trevor catching a bubble, and flashing yet another example in his extensive repertoire of maniacal smiles.
That's the flower girl and her brother, with Trevor.

'Spose I'd better get ready for church, now...
 

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Wedding Weekend, Part 1

We're back from the rehearsal festivities, and shortly heading to bed. But first, a picture of Trevor trying on his tux at Ardith's house...
Assembly only required about 17 different parts, but the results were worth it!

Rehearsal went fine (Ma hopes she can remember her part!) and we went to a pizza pub, afterward.

Here is Justin, with Ardith. They are chatting with his nephew, son of one of the groomsmen.

It was only AFTER taking the picture that I was made aware of Kendra's smiling (hammy) face.

I really don't know where she gets that from...
 

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The Big DAY! Just a few more hours....

Naturally, I refer to the fact that tomorrow is "Talk Like a Pirate Day."

ARRRRRRR, Mateys !

Oh wait...it's also....WEDDING DAY!! Do you suppose Ardith and Justin chose the date on purpose? They didn't SAY anything about dressing in pirate attire, but maybe I should slip an extra bag of clothes into the car, just in case.

On another fun note, I read today that Daniel Jones, founder of the Jedi religion--yes, you heard me--was recently thrown out of a grocery store in Bangor, North Wales. Seems he refused to remove his hood, while shopping.

Like any good-n-crazy sect instigator, Mr. Jones is considering legal action.

A spokesperson for the Tesco grocery store chain had this comment:

" 'He hasn't been banned. Jedis are very welcome to shop in our stores although we would ask them to remove their hoods.

'Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda and Luke Skywalker all appeared hoodless without ever going over to the Dark Side and we are only aware of the Emperor as one who never removed his hood.

'If Jedi walk around our stores with their hoods on, they'll miss lots of special offers.' "

_________________

Back to reality, we continue our housal onslaught, today focusing on the bedrooms and a huge bleachy washup of the downstairs bath. Most of the kids have been let off school for the cleaning festivities.

I think they see this as an overall "win," although Carolyn was heard to remark, "I don't want to skip math..."

How sick is that?

I told her she could bring her Algebra 2 on the afternoon drive down to the rehearsal.

But getting back to slap-dash, home ablutions....OOooo, Melinda jumped in the shower, so I'll have to put off my malodorous chore for a bit. Maybe I'll just dust off the leaves of my houseplants, while I wait.

Shiny leaves are always impressive. They command respect. Amidst their glare, it is hoped our relatives will miss lots of special messes.

I trust.
 

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Gettin' 'er done

We don't have that much to do, concerning Ardith's wedding. But since relatives are going to be staying overnight on Sunday, I thought we'd do our usual, "QUICK....PEOPLE-ARE-COMING-LET'S-NOT-LET-THEM-SEE-HOW-WE-REALLY-LIVE!" routine.

So yes, we're cleaning up, a bit.

Loren even asked for volunteers to wash the minivan, a vehicular activity only occurring once every 10 years.

Ethan stepped forward, immediately drawing the ire of Carolyn, who was planning to do a thorough sweep under and behind the couches, this afternoon, and had marked him as first assistant.

Most of today's agenda was accomplished, including cleaning off my desk.

I also decided to give the heave-ho to all of Derek's high school papers. Sorry, but if he becomes famous some day, there'll be no old documents from his past to hold up for the public...."...and here we have Derek's first high school calculus exam. Oh my...I'm...I'm SPEECH-less!"

In addition, with the purchase of Lava soap, scrubbing of the young lads will commence tomorrow, in hopes of making them presentable.

On a sadder note, I heard the news about the death of Mary Travers, today.

My oldest brother, Doug, introduced "Peter, Paul and Mary," to our family, and I used to listen to their records by the hour.

Unique voice, unique group, unique life.
 

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Can you say Bargain ?

You just won't believe what I bought, today...
...OK, not this, but I was stopped at a light and man oh man, what a beauty! Chevy Impala, from....1960, maybe?

Ardith, it matches the color on your wedding invitations! This has to be a good sign.
____________

Today started out rather offish. Well, except for not being able to sleep and getting up to read more of a engrossing novel...

But during school time with Trevor, I think I was having some kind of ADHD attack or something...I could hardly stand to wait for him to try to read. He was sorta stumbling around and I was saying to myself, ("You should know this...you should KNOW this...") and basically just barely keeping my cool.

But we got through it.

Then, it was off to the BIG CITY to shop for wedding shoes :-) Oh, I know I'm not the one getting married, but it would be a grievous thing if I wore dark shoes with my light-colored dress and drew attention away from Ardith by forcing people to say, "Who is that well-preserved, chubby woman with the graying hair, wearing the light dress and horrible dark shoes?"

No. I just couldn't have that. And since it was shopping day ANYWAY, I decided to make my merry way to the Mall.

To top off my eastward drive, Van Morrison's Moondance came on the oldies station. Has to be one of the best songs, ever.

But getting back to my search for huge shoes, I was pricing things here and there, and found some reasonable ones for 10 and 15 dollars. They didn't look too bad but I wasn't feelin' the karma...know what I mean?

(and by the way, I really think Gordmans has jumped the gun by putting out their Christmas decorations in the middle of September)

A visit to Sears and then it was on to Penny's, where I found these little babies...

Would you believe a 45-dollar pair of shoes on 75% clearance?

We're talkin' cinqo buckeraro-sos, people! A little over six when you count the tax.

The heels are a tad higher than I like, but I have always been fond of the open-toed look--it was a retro day, after all.

For five bucks, I can take them for an hour or two. My main goal will be not to trip while going down the aisle. I might have to forgo the planned royal wave, from side to side, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for new, five-dollar shoes.

I'll just take along my ballet slippers for the reception :-D

And I would suggest future weddings of various offspring to be in spring, summer, or fall, so I can wear them again.

Surely that's not too much to ask?
 

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Tidbits

Oh hey...Plácido Domingo attends the US Open Tennis Tournament!
Gotta love them opera singers :-)

________________________


Nolan-quote from last night's supper....he was staring straight ahead:

"It's so hard to eat when you're wearing a white shirt."

(it was gray, by the way)

________________________


Ma thinks it's only a matter of time before President Obama invites Kanye West and Taylor Swift to the White House for a beer....er, maybe lemonade.

________________________

Just one more thing...I can't help but notice that despite Prince Harry and I having the same birthday, HE is the only one to inherit a fortune.
 

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7 Days Down, 175 More to Go

Of school.

*sigh*

I was remiss a bit over the summer in not keeping Trevor reading aloud to me. Now he's lost some of his learned skills and I have to review. Again.

("Can't wait 'til the schooling's done...Can't wait 'til the schooling's done....)

Oh, SORRY about that. The feeling of never-ending drudgery will soon flee, I'm sure.

Here's a little snippet from Trevor, today.

We were going through some of his "special words," which are really sight words that he has to memorize.

He kept saying "off" for "of," last week, so I finally got that nailed down, I think.

Today he went through and said it right for the third (school) day in a row.

"Yay Trevor! You did it just right! Way to go!!"

(and other bits of lavish praise)

"So, do I get paid money?"

(laughter from other kids)

"uhhhh....no."

I'm hoping that typing the spelling words onto his computer will help. He has more of a tendency for reversing letters in word order than some of the others had, but not enough to warrant suspicions of dyslexia.

And today I noticed, while he was typing in new words this morning, that it wasn't as laborious. Trevor's observed the kids' hand positions when they practice Typing Tutor, and he's started positioning his hands properly and tapping in many of the letters without looking :-)

Another computer scientist in the making?
____________________

And now, a short poem describing how I feel about this time of year...

Ma, Ma,
She don't like fall.

Too much stuff to do and all.

Schooling,
Mowing,
Gardening.

Everything has lost its zing.

Plants die.
Birds fly.

Mice creep back into the home,
Searching for the scattered crumbs, of which,
There are many.

Put the poison out,
If only
We could kill the torpor.

 

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A spider sewed at night
Without a light
Upon an arc of white.
If ruff it was of dame
Or shroud of gnome,
Himself, himself inform.
Of immortality
His strategy
Was physiognomy.

--Emily Dickinson
 

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A little road not made of man,
Enabled of the eye,
Accessible to thill of bee,
Or cart of butterfly.

If town it have, beyond itself,
'T is that I cannot say;
I only sigh,--no vehicle
Bears me along that way.

--Emily Dickinson
 

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Doin's of the Old Folks

Ma and El Hubbo went out on another UN-date, last evening. Loren needed a few togs, in part because of Ardith's wedding, and just because he hardly ever buys clothes for himself. It'll be going down as a chapter with the working title,

Enhancing Spousal Communication Through Shopping

in the marriage handbook I'm writing.

Menards: While Loren took a quick side trip to the precious metals section in plumbing, I made straight away for the paint department. I had not been perusing the sample cards long, when he rejoined me with the observation, "Oh...you're looking at the ex-pensive brand......"

(this is good! It tells the husband that he picked someone with exquisite taste. Choose a few cards from each paint brand and say you want to "think about it." This will tell him you are not an impulse buyer, but wish to carefully consider your options before you make him pay through the nose)

Goodwill: Ties cost 50 cents. Loren bought FOUR. He showed them to me for approval, and I nixed a couple since they looked "old," though whether or not a 58-year-old needs to worry about this is debatable... Also, Loren found four suit jackets that fit him. Yay for Goodwill!

(the husband wanting the approval of his wife for ties and jackets is generally a good thing. Just remember to let him down gently when propriety and good taste force you to ax the stuff he thought was cool)

Wal*Mart: Loren picked out a couple of dress shirts while I snatched two bags of Dove's Dark Chocolates. Then we went to the shoe department where our previous suspicions were confirmed. WAL*MART HAS PRACTICALLY NOTHING BY WAY OF DRESS SHOES. Oh well.

(letting him find his own shirts while you look at candy tells him that you trust his judgment. His snorting at the chocolate, unfortunately, communicates that he does not understand you were saving a whole dollar by buying it in Waterloo instead of Iowa Falls. Make a note to reinforce how terribly thrifty you are...)

At this point, there was some debate about seeing a movie, but since Ma was hungry, El Hubbo was quite agreeable to hitting Carlos O'Kelley's. Ma prudently chose a low-priced, low-cal dinner with only 310 calories! Unfortunately, it was liberally sprinkled with...cilantro. After that it was just a soapy salad. And since Loren wasn't that fond of his selection, we bonded in our distaste of the food.

(mutual feelings about restaurants are very important, as a couple. To further the bonding process, why don't both of you start a group on Facebook, "I don't like Carlos O'Kelly's." ?)

And now, the place every red-blooded American male hates, The Mall !

Famous Footwear: I had already been here TWICE, with two college students. But going there with Loren was an utterly new experience. Let's just say I now know where Derek gets his perfectionist genes. First of all, when a person insists on trying on the matching shoe even though the first one was clearly "too tight," and then continues by meticulously tying the shoelace, all the while proclaiming, "Oh yeah...this is definitely too tight," you will not be surprised to see them restuffing every scrap of tissue paper into the toes, and reinserting each shoe into its protective plastic baggie, before he tries on another pair.

What DID surprise me was coming away with not one, but TWO pairs of dress shoes, black and brown. Of course, they will need to last him until the end of his life, after which both Jason and Derek will be required to wear them for a minimum of five years, each.

You would think that with three visits in the space of two months, Ma could qualify for some type of bonus from The Store of Famous Feet. And I did: approximately one half of one nib from one shoelace.

(a good wife will help her husband in the shoe selection process by restuffing the tissue paper in the unwanted shoes while he tries on a new pair. He will think you are being attentive, when in reality, you JUST WANT TO GET HOME BEFORE MIDNIGHT, but he doesn't need to know this. He would only look at you blankly if you explained it anyway, wondering how you could be thinking of sleep when he is undergoing the horror of choosing dress shoes)

Wal*Mart: Yes, we went there again. When you buy two pairs of shoes, important needs suddenly pop up, like matching socks and shoe polish. And due to Loren's careful examination of the merchandise, I was able to visit the powder room and grab two tins of polish before he'd decided on the bamboo.

(again, giving the husband time to make his own choices gives him practice in the art of shopping, and gives the two of you respite from each other. Shopping together is one thing, but always remember....the length of time should be carefully monitored! Shopping with a spouse for more than two hours should only to be attempted by professionals)

And that's when we decided to head for home. It was dark, plus I had fresh chocolate to help rid my system of the effects of cilantro.

The kids had been well taken care of: two pizzas, eaten in the living room while watching The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Coupled with chocolate milk earlier in the day, this means they've pretty much peaked and life goes downhill from here on out. Their current plan is to try and hang on until college, where it is assumed they can forage to their heart's content amongst cafeteria offerings.

Yeah kids...good luck with that.

Luck, on the other hand, has nothing to do with positive spousal communication while shopping. As long as he gets to buy something and she gets to eat out, everyone's happy.
 

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The Mark Hoyt Update

 
Yesterday, the doctors did another test on his device, and this time Mark's heart responded properly (they did not put in the extra electrical coil, by the way). It is thought the device was in perfect working order before, but that Mark's heart did not respond quickly enough, or in the way expected.

ANYWAY, some medication changes have been made, and he was actually released from the hospital yesterday. However, because of the the uncertainty of things, Mark and wife Lauri Anne are staying in Dallas with her sister, who is an internist and has been camping out with them at the hospital to help.

Please keep praying for Mark Hoyt and his family.
 

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The Non-Beefy Dog Days of Ma

Bleah. Ma needs to do something different.

Just for a change of pace, I'm making Tator Tot Casserole tonight, only with ground pork, instead of beef. You can't say I don't try!

Frankly though, I'm feeling kind of wiped out. Different stresses starting to chip away at Ma's hardened veneer of cynical superficiality. I can't WAIT until Ardith's wedding so I can relax and enjoy myself!

And speaking of which, it looks like Ma will not be shedding those 10 pounds before el weddingo. The fact that Blue Bunny Coconut Macaroon Ice Cream was on sale today has nothing to do with it.

I do have an alternate slimming plan, however. It involves several layers of increasingly taut spandex, wires, and a series of small but extremely powerful winches.

Breathing will be optional.

I'm also postponing my birthday until after the wedding. This basically means very little, other than los kiddos will have to wait for burritos and a special dessert until after they've porked down at the marriage feast.

(by the way, Ardith, the kids want to know if there's going to be shrimp....)

Managed to get something done today besides school (only 175 days to go....WOO-HEE) I went shopping ALL BY MYSELF....*sob*...excuse me...I still get emotional just thinking about it...

They were playing remastered Beatles CDs on my oldies station :-D

Can you say, "Long Term Musical Acquirement?"

Another major accomplishment: I discovered, pulled up and returned a missed phone call on my new cell phone! It was something of an accident, but this is how I work. This is my karma, people.

It's like Loren telling me to read the camera manual so I can know more about taking pictures, to which I replied, "I don't want to be a professional, I just want to get lucky, once in a while!"

Hey, if you have to know what you're doing all the time, I mean...what's the point? Where's the joy? The serendipity?

Where's the beef?
 

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As the Stuff Keeps Happening

We made it safely to and from our 2nd and last lake visit of the summer, but that report will wait until later.

Loren's younger brother, Mark, has had another difficult day. I do earnestly ask for prayer on his behalf.

When you have an ICD (Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator), the batteries need to be replaced, every 5 years or so. More often, depending on frequency of shocks. Replacing the battery really means taking out the old device and putting in a new one. What stays in, usually, are the leads, or wires that go from the device to the heart.

Now, this report is third-hand, so while I have the basics, I may have a few details misaligned:

Whether it was time for a new generator, or whether the doctors decided it was time for an upgraded device, the procedure to put in a new ICD was scheduled for Mark today, with a bi-ventricular device chosen for implantation.

The usual devices have one lead attached to the heart. As you might guess, a BI-ventricular device has two leads, one to each ventricle, as well as the right atrium.

ANYWAY, the idea is to put this device in, check the conductivity, and then do a "test," where they purposely induce a ventricular arrhythmia so the device can prove it's worth and shock the patient, internally, back into a normal rhythm, or at least, out of v-fib.

When tested, however, Mark's new device did not perform quite as well as anticipated. It may have worked to some degree--I'm not sure about those details--but I was told he did have to be defibrillated with the external machine.

Mark is still in the hospital, since he can't be sent home with a dicey device. They plan to put in a coil in his side, which helps with the electrical conductivity. Loren had one of these also. It seems these Hoyt lads are real problems for the docs...

Another avenue that may be pursued would be evaluation for heart transplant. This is something we fervently hope will happen, as it has become clear that Mark's heart has deteriorated over the past year, heading in the same direction as Loren's did, but by a slightly different route.

So we would ask you to pray for the following, concerning Mark Hoyt:

--preservation of life
--wisdom for the doctors to know how to proceed
--serious consideration for heart transplant evaluation. It would seem inevitable, at this point.

These are our wishes, and naturally we consign them to the sovereignty of God.

Just to remind everyone, this is the same family that had a neighbor's pick-up lose control and plow throough their house, earlier in the year. Repairs are still ongoing.

So you can see, they have really been through it, and we greatly appreciate all who can lift them up in prayer.
 

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The Keith Update, and more

Good news! Keith Hennigar has improved enough to be taken off the respirator. He now just has an oxygen mask to assist with his breathing.

Thanks to everyone for your prayers, and please keep praying that there will be no long lasting effects from the paralytic drug that was given.
___________________

On the Labor Front news, after indulging in the traditional Festive-Cookout-where-Ma-sweats-it-out-over-the-grill, we now sit around with the soporific effects one must endure after eating:

--Mesquite BBQ Chicken
--burgers
--3 bean salad (including a pepper from Trevor's garden!
--snicker salad (because yes, I'm in a rut...and I've finally perfected it)
--tomatoes from our garden
--Carolyn's homemade apple pie, "Grandma Ople's Recipe." (YUMMO!) avec ice cream

Rumor has it that El Hubbo plans to stick another pole in the el groundo. I'll try to take pictures. If I can waddle out there.
 

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What I Say

It's been a quiet day, up at the Hoytstead. Ma slept in, recovering from the post-midnight-to-beddage, after watching Master and Commander with the last remaining girls in the home.

For two nights--count 'em, TWO NIGHTS--Ma has not been jolted awake by sudden coughing. Oh I say, the joy of actual sleep!

At the moment, Carolyn is helping a lady in our church with baking chores, in preparation for company.

Loren and the boys are outside, attempting to get the Stone-of-Hugeness out of the hole.

Melinda sits in the recliner, alternating between book-reading and looking for colleges on her laptop.

Nolan comes in to ask the vain question, "Can we watch something?"

"No."

It has been the summer of watchage, with Ma and Melinda putting in our 40 Master Gardener hours. Only natural that the kids would think this piece of video heaven would continue forever.

Alas, no.

I did, however, introduce them to the joys of Leave it to Beaver, this morning. They thought it was a hoot!

Shows like that aren't made any more. Mothers like that aren't made, either. And I wouldn't want it that way. You can't pull weeds or mow the lawn in high heels and pearls, I always say.
_________

In other news, Derek had a rough beginning, but things are going better at ye olde college scene. The school mandated "bonding" time with an overnight camp out of the small groups. No schoolwork allowed. Ma says, "Way to keep the academics flowing!"
_________
"Dah dah, dah dat, dat, Dah dah, dah dat, dat...."

This just in, folks, The stone has been removed!

Pert near as big as Trevor.

Loren and Ethan winched it out, and naturally, Trevor and Nolan get the glory pic.

You can see where Ethan had to tunnel underneath the stone, to get a chain around it...
...and the sides of the hole had to be dug into, as well.

What are the odds that digging in that precise spot, one would come across a stone of that size, smack dab in the middle of the hole?

What are the odds that in the third and final hole to be dug, Ethan will find another huge rock, blocking the way?

If you ask me, I'd say...pretty small....probably.

Maybe.
 

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Urgent Prayer Request [updated]

I don't ask things like this very often, but I'm asking now...

Please pray for KEITH HENNIGAR

He is the oldest son of a lady in our church, has double pneumonia, and is now sedated in ICU.

It is quite serious.

Keith has a wife and three children.

His mom, Janet, and brother, Derek, attend our church..

Thanks very much for lifting him and his family up in prayer.

[12:04 am Sat...Thanks to Facebook, this update from Janet, Ketih's mom:

" Going to try to rest now. Keith is in the best hands (God's loving hands) slowly healing. Oxygen levels getting better and are lowered to 70% intake."

Thank you everyone who prayed, and we shall keep lifting the family up to God, Who is to be praised!]
 

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One down, 180 to go

School days, that is.

Originally I was planning to begin on August 31, until I remembered that little business about taking Kendra out to college.

THEN I was going to start on the 2nd, the day after returning from Indiana, but alas, I did not feel mentally up to the task of overseeing THE SCHOOL SUBJECT ORGANIZATION PROJECT, so I put it off one more day and did my laundry, instead.

Momentous moments of the day:

1) Ethan received the ORDER OF THE BLACK NOTEBOOK, the thrilling award of Derek's old binder.

2) Nolan got through his first math lesson pretty much by himself, and with a perfect score ("Oh please, oh please, oh please....!")

3) The kids have transitioned fairly well from lounging about and watching Sesame Street, followed by unmonitored Star Trek Armada game time, to getting up, not bugging Mommy (TOO much), doing their school work and waiting until after lunch for their limited computer game time.

Momentous comments of the day:

1) Can we have fried egg sandwiches for lunch? (nope, too much trouble)

2) If I make them, can we have fried egg sandwiches for lunch? (didn't I say no?)

3) What are we having for supper? (not sure, but it's not gonna involve meat)

3) Could we have fried egg sandwiches for supper, then? (ETHAN!)

4) Is it really an hour and a half until lunch ? (read: Ethan can't wait until he's allowed a multiplayer of Star Trek Armada)

Only 6 more years until that kid goes to college...
 

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Ma's Excellent Driving Adventure--Part 2

Sunday evening and Monday were spent visiting with Ma's family in the Goshen/Elkhart area.

Finally, it was Tuesday...time to head home. Ma would be on her own, with none to help her save her trusty diet Coke, Dove's Dark Chocolates and a small package of Ranchy Doritos.

Could she do it?

One could assume from this post that she did, but one or two excellent points of interest should be mentioned:

Driving through/under Chicago always has a certain deathly flair to it. Large schools of semis weave to and fro across the highway, their sole purpose in life being to obscure the green directional signs from honest, hardworking Lincoln Towncars.

NO MATTER! Ma safely traversed the busy roadway, with no incidents until....her attention was drawn to a large, hairy, tattooed arm, suddenly thrust straight out from a truck driver's window. The truck was slightly in front, on her right, and it seemed his left blinker had been hidden by the front of Ma's vehicle.

Now, despite living a sheltered and bucolic life in Iowa, our heroic matron is not totally unaware of certain social gestures. There is an international language, understood by all, in which a large, hairy, tattooed arm demands immediate fear respect. In addition to this attitude of...*cough*...esteem, there are incontestable words associated with the sudden appearance of a large, hairy, tattooed arm sticking out perpendicularly from a truck driver's window. They are as follows:

"MOVE OVER, YOU CRAZY-OLD-LADY-LINCOLN-DRIVING-BROAD!"

Well sir, Ma was only too happy to comply! She slammed on the brakes eased off the accelerator, accommodating the owner of the LHTA in his traversing 4 lanes of traffic in the space of 1.75 seconds.

It was a particularly beautiful maneuver, especially considering Ma was allowed to keep all her particulars.

But adrenaline thrills aside, most of the trip was uneventful.

Ma next concerned herself with finding a Wal*Mart and an eatery. This is not as easy as it seems, for most Wal*Marts pop up rather inconveniently after their exit has been passed. If the highway department truly wished to be helpful, they would post the little Wal*Mart star on the blue signs designating hotels and restaurants...

Nevertheless, the keen eye of our fearless traveler did not disappoint. The town of LaSalle, IL presented itself as a harbor of pedestrian retail. In fact, there may well have been an actual harbor, nearby...

Certain members of the avian family--25 to 30 of them--waited in the parking lot...not moving...not blinking...just waiting.

Ma suppressed a Hitchcockian shiver and beat it for McDonald's, drowning her cold sweat in a scrumptious 1/3 pound Angus burger with mushrooms and fake Swiss cheese.

Oh, the bliss! Ah, the juice! It was almost as if they had used real beef....from real Bovines!

Ma crowned it, "Ultimate-Yummo-Factor-of-messy-foods-to-eat, while driving."

The remainder of the trip was blissfully quiet, disturbed only by the piercing tones of the Lincoln, announcing a diminishing supply of fuel. Ma engaged in a small contest to see how far past "0 miles" she could go before stopping for gas. When it became apparent that she could not---quite---make it home on one tank, she succumbed and stopped with a mere 13 miles past the empty mark.

After all, at the age of 50, one should certainly show some maturity and good sense, shouldn't one?

Well, maybe next time.
 

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Ma's Excellent Driving Adventure--Part 1

WELL,

The sun shone brightly on the day of Ma's departure. Faces of the youngin's were not quite as bright, but they scraped up a brave visage and bent their minds to the compensation of four movies over four days.

Kendra and Ma shared the driving equally, as well as passages across the center line. And unlike a certain college student who drove home last spring, no tolls were ignored.

(drive, drive, drive)

Cleverly utilizing her new cell phone, Ma called ahead to daughter Sharon and informed her of their imminent arrival in the Warsaw/Winona Lake area.

Said cities had made the extremely intelligent decision to do extensive roadwork on integral arteries to the institution of higher learning, and it was this, plus Ma's knack for confusing the location of Sharon's chicken coop, that led to a small but totally unimportant 25 minute delay to their arrival.

But arrive they did, engaging in girlish chatter, chicken in peanut sauce and a most worthy cake of chocolate persuasion.

After dinner entertainment included not one, but TWO exciting episodes of the old Robin Hood series. It was most enlightening, dovetailing nicely with the movie seen on the eve of leaveage, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

Sunday included church, where all three of the Hoyt womenfolk stayed demurely awake

Reminiscing times followed with a visit to old friends, Rene and Vici Tyson :-D At one point Ma may have encouraged Rene, "You should talk to Loren about that...he'd probably listen to you..." at which Rene replied, "Loren never listened to ANYTHING I said, except that one time when I tried to tell him how to do a wheelie on his motorcycle, and then he kept the throttle on and went over on his back!"

Ah, good times.

With the afternoon came the opening of dorms and the lugging of luggage.

Sharon helped take the MANY, MANY items belonging to Kendra up to her second floor room in Alpha hall, including a partially eaten bag of Ma's Sweet Chili Doritos that was supposed to stay in the car.

Upon reaching her room, Kendra burst out in animated speakage, "HEY! They took our good desks and gave us these crummy ones...."

Ah, ye olde alma mater.

Here we see the two loving sisters...are they not tres jolie?
There was une picture that included Ma, but it turned out so mal that her pride forbids it being shared...her pride and her varicose veins being just about all Ma has left.

(end Part 1)
 

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Ma is Back!

But very tired.

And still with cold.

But at this point, that is preferable to being "with child," ha, ha.

I had to reboot my computer, which saved me from seeing "You have 272 unread posts" on Facebook.

I think I will fix the rest of supper,now.

Later: "Ma's Excellent Adventures in Driving."
 

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