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Wild Rumpussings in a Basement

I finished up my church cleaning yesterday so that we could drive down to Ardith's and pick up Sharon, Jason and Kendra who had been visiting and just living it up as only older kids can.

The younger children then had to have their fun, which mostly involved constant movement on the noisy bean-bag....
 ....like Ethan and Nolan, who I'm pretty sure were having fun and not hurting eachother. For the most part.

Trevor, heavily involved in an attack of Ardith's weird rocking cushion.
 Sometimes it's not a good idea to point the camera at him--he's just so humble that it's hard for him to take all the attention.

Arrived safely home, with the last week of vacation before us, as people start to get sick...
  

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Sleeping Beauty

  
 

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The Jim-Bob Report

"Good evening. I'm Jim McDonald and today's news has a distinctly political ring. While the midterm elections ended in early November, potential candidates are already positioning themselves for the next presidential election in 2008.

To get a better grasp of what's at stake, we go now to our man in Des Moines, Bob MacCackle. Bob? Merry-Non-Offensive-End-of-Year-Holiday-Celebration to you, my friend."

"Hey, thanks! Right back atcha, Jimbo."

"Now Bob, tell us about this flurry of activity for the presidential election. It's still pretty early, so why all the fuss?"

"Well Jim, it may be early for the hard campaigning, but you have to remember, Iowa has the very first caucus, and the candidates are locking up some of their most important workers at this very moment."

"You're probably talking about the grassroots people, aren't you, Bob? Those volunteers that go door to door with leaflets and chintzy little American flags?"

"Oh no, Jim. I mean the REALLY critical players, I'm talkin' con-sul-tants!"

"Eh? What's that?"

"Consultants. There's a consultant for every people group in America, Jim. They have their pulse to the grindstone and their ears attuned to the nose of the nation. Consultants tell the candidates the right way to approach every voting block. How to think, talk, and yes....even sweat."

"Sweat, Bob? I don't think I understand..."

"It's just this, Jim. If the candidate is speaking before a blue collar crowd, he's better look as though he identifies with the average working schmo. He needs to take off his suit coat, roll up his sleeves, and throw a glass of water under each armpit before he walks out on stage."

"Oooo. That sounds a tad messy, Bob. And what about women? Do the same tactics apply to female candidates?"

"OH no, Jim. Women have it tough when it comes to the lower crust crowds. Female candidates always need to appear fashionable. And if they mention Martha Stewart, they appeal to ex-cons as well as your sublime hostess types. It's a good thing, Jim....a real 'twofer.' "

"I'm speechless, Bob....I..."

"Hang on, Jim. You haven't heard the biggest news of all. Right here in lil' ol' Iowa, I've stumbled onto a brand new consultant firm that is destined to be very hot in the coming 18 months. It's run out of a farmhouse, centrally located."

"In the middle of Des Moines, Bob?"

"No Jim, I mean centrally located in a cornfield. It's headed up by our old friend, Ma Hoyt and goes by the name of ' Schmooze-N-Woo.' In fact, I've just placed a call...I think it's going through....."

*ring, ring.....*

" 'Schmooze-N-Woo,' How may I direct your call?"

"Is this Ma Hoyt?"

"....*pause*....Say, is this the IRS again?"

"No Ma'am. This is Bob MacCackle of the Jim-Bob Report. I'd like to ask a few questions about your new consulting business, if I may...."

"Bob! Why didn't ya say so, you old loser! Ask away."

"Appreciate it, Ma. So tell me, why type of groups do you represent?"

"Well Bob, I deal with the diverse and obscure. Those who've been disenfranchised of their rights to be wooed. Democracy means everyone has the right to be toadied up to, Bob."

"Uh...yeah. But, could you be more specific? Give us a name or two?"

"Oh sure. For instance, I've been hired as a paid consultant in the areas of 'Former Drinkers of Diet Cherry Coke,' 'Drivers of 15-Passenger Vans,' and 'Bakers of Green Tomato Pies,' to name a few. I guess you could said I represent those on the fringes of society."

"But Ma, aren't those groups rather narrow in scope?"

"I prefer the term 'nichey,' Bob. Nichey is the new broad. You get enough nichesters supporting you, and the campaign's sown up."

"Well...right. But...uh..."

"Don't worry, Bob. I'm working to land a really huge gig in the near future. I plan to be one of the country's first Consultant Consultants. It's a massive force whose clout has yet to be recognized. They've been so busy minding the minds of others' they're close to losing their own. But I plan to..."

"Wait, Ma...did you mean 'losing their issues' or 'their minds? ' "

"Both, Bob. It's what we in the consulting business refer to as a 'twofer....' "

"Bob...Bob....this is Jim, back at the studio. I'm afraid I'll have to interrupt since we're running out of time."

*turns back toward audience"

"And that's today's up-to-the-minute news, ladies and gentlemen. Tune in next time when we take an in-depth look at a new work of non-fiction, "Commonalities of Politicians and Bad Appliances."

"For Bob MacCackle in Des Moines, this is Jim McDonald,

Thank you, and goodnight."
 

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Ma's Newsy Nuggets

I found these interesting, particularly the last article.
________________

Time to readjust a few geographical perimeters. Liechtenstein just got a little bigger.
________________

Chicago leads the way in rubber sidewalks.
________________

It happened almost a year ago, but Doctor DeBakey received the benefits of his own research. (Readers should be able to get the entire article the first time. A second click might require a free subscription)

One of the most interesting aspects of this situation is that he'd signed a "do not resuscitate" form, and was later glad it had been overruled.

Now, if you'd like the full New York Times story, check here. It's five pages, does not take long to read and is absolutely worth the painless process of filling out the free registration.

If you're studying for the medical profession, you ought to read this.

If you have grave doubts about the wisdom of working on old geezers, you ought to read this.

And if you think you know all the answers, you really, really, really ought to read this.
 

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Three valid reasons for hatin' on dishwashers

I am a reasonable person.

While being female might predispose me to the very occasional and merest hint of emotionality, this possible flaw is compensated by the natural feminine instinct for pity.

Women believe in second chances, particularly in regards to themselves but also in connection with those around them, whether they be sentient beings or no. (excluding husbands of course, as we can't have them getting spoilt)

There are rare instances however, when circumstances adjure one to cast aside the fraternal ties of technology, to loose the bonds of appliancial affection, as it were.

Out with the amity and in with the enmity.

I speak of dishwashers.

Oh they sound so useful, so practical. So practically useful. But let us take a closer look at the inner workings of this devious device. Let us examine their actual output and thereby plumb the depths of their deceit.

Time savings
-Touted as savers of time, these machines are actually "wastrels de temps." When the average load takes two hours to complete, one can hardly have claimed a time savings. And this does not include the minutes alloted for rinsing* and loading. (*more on this, later) With our first holiday meal avec dishwashere, three loads were required to complete plate and saucer sanctification. That was six...count 'em, SIX HOURS needed to clean eating implements that could have been hand-washed in 40 minutes.

Sanitization
-Who wouldn't be in favor of killing germs? It ranks right up there with cute little puppies and making the world safe for democracy. Actual Sanitization can only occur when all the food has left the plates. In real life, pieces of foodstuffs (which you don't need to rinse, first) often remain after the washing process has completed. Those bits are then heated to the point where germ survival is impossible, as is bit removal. The plates may still contain morsels of food, but at least those remnants are sanitized. This is commonly referred to as Virtual Sanitization.

Efficacy
-today's dishwashers are proclaimed so industrious, so efficient, that rinsing is indeed unnecessary. Pah! 'Tis a vicious lie instigated by the appliance cartels. Just try not rinsing the dishes and see what happens. Tired of rinsing under the faucet? Simply load up and do a "Quick Rinse" first. But make sure you return to fill up the soap container and press "Wash." Otherwise, you will come to the kitchen, ready to set the table for the next meal and find nothing has been washed from the previous luncheon. It can be MOST dispiriting. Almost as dispiriting as discovering the wash has progressed and left a soapy film over everything. Contrary to the popular opinion of mechanically savvy males who DO NO DISHES, this scumful situation is not the result of soap-filling-exuberance, but rather a malicious and spiteful attitude on the part of the dishwasher. Yes, if you're really lucky, you can rinse before AND after the whole dishwasher experience.

And that is why, upon waking this morning and finding last night's dishes had only been quick-rinsed and not washed, I screamed silently to myself, filled up the sink and finished the job in ten minutes.

It was either that or wait two hours to eat breakfast.
 

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Tales by Trevor....

....on the way home from prayer meeting.

"Once upon a time, dere was a wittle boy.

An he didn' have AN-Y mothoh.

Den he gwew an gwew an GWEW...

Untilw he was biggoh den Gawd."

Me: "No one can grow bigger than God."

Helpful brother: "He didn't say 'God,'"

Helpful sister who insists on accuracy: "Yes he did. I heard him. He said 'God.'"

Other helpful sister: "Just say, 'grew as big as a mountain,' or something."

"Once upon a time, dere was diss wittle mountain guy...."

:-D
 

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What a shame

Of the three bald eagles Jason and I saw this morning...
 ...this was the only shot that remotely turned out.
  

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Too much to ask

It appears that Hillary Clinton has hired an Evangelical consultant.

Aside from the patent absurdity of this concept, it acknowledges the condescending attitude political candidates have for Ma and Pa Public.

We are after all, stupid.

SO stupid, that given the right promotional material, we can be wooed to endorse those who are at odds with our beliefs.

Politics. It's such a nice little game.

I don't suppose it is possible to have everyone running for office unequivocally lay out their stands on various issues and then let the votes fall where they may...

That would be too honest.
 

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Christmas 2006

Time for a glimpse of the this year's gift haul. Not everyone is pictured, since not all of my photos turned out. (must reread the manual)

Trevor admires his John Deer tractor that opens into a book, while Nolan examines the specs of his Hotwheels car.
 

Melinda, agog at a box of miscellaneous craft items.
 

Thanks to Ardith, Jason has now been introduced to the wonders of author Terry Pratchett.
 

Are all these Bach CD's for me ? (yes, Derek, they are)
  

For the software engineer who has everything....
 ...a miniature abacus.

No college student should be without the Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide.
 

Ethan remains quietly composed upon opening the excavator he'd hinted at months ago but since forgotten.
 

The last five books of the Adventure of the Northwoods series will keep Carolyn busy...
  ....for a day or two, anyway.

Trevor and Nolan demonstrate Ardith's gift to the three youngest....
  ....the "Spy Light Hand."

These were a big hit :-D though, the cardboard packages mysteriously disappeared from the trash bag. Personally, I think they were programmed to self-destruct.

Later that day, we watched The Incredibles. The kids laughed uproariously and the quality looked good, despite the possibility of its being a pirated copy.

It has been suggested that Ma refrain from buying DVD's out of East Timor, in the future. (hey....I didn't know. I am just a simple Ma)
 

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The Diet Report

Today's weigh-in: 1V6 pounds. That's a two pound weight loss for this week, or 18.5 pounds over the past 16 weeks!

Hot doggies!

Things had slowed down, in part because of all the birthdays and festive occasions in November and December. At least the pounds lost have remained above the weeks spent.

I just have to get through this next week. One more birthday and a New Year's party at church. And after five or six days, most of the Christmas goodies should be disposed of and believe me, the absence of extra temptations will be a welcome relief. (trying to stick to a diet over the holidays is like dropping an alcoholic off at a bar. There have been Christmas cookies and fudge sitting around this joint...not a pretty situation)

Following that, it's a simple matter of surviving the dreary winter months.
 

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The Young and the Old

"Trevor? Are you messing with my hair?"
 

*tries to look innocent.....

  
....and fails*
 

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Kudos

....to Ardith, for coming up for the annual Christmas visit :-) While it's true she wrapped her gifts with extreme neatness, The Ma shall forgive this "showing up" of her elders. Just this once.

....to Carolyn, for helping her chère maman with the weekly church cleaning this entire month of December. Due to Saturday morning practices of the Christmas Program, cleaning must wait until Saturday, after 11:15. Carolyn has lightened my load.

....to Slader, who pulled a 4.0 this semester. Well done, Slader :-)

....to Ma, for wrapping all the Christmas presents this morning. And I would just like to say, that even if one is short-sighted enough to have less than a roll of tape on hand, it is still possible to complete the job for a family of ten. In fact, most presents can be wrapped with only two short pieces of tape.

....to Joe Mouse and friends, who have had the decency to stay scarce and not even die behind the walls in recent days. The absence of obnoxious odors is appreciated.
 

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So, I'm having trouble getting to sleep......

.....and I obviously got up, ignored the plates of delectable Christmas cookies sitting on the counter and decided to splurge on four small pretzel sticks with a 3 oz. V8 chaser.

WHOOO-EE. We is livin', now.

Then I pulled up Alina-the-deerslayer's blog and saw she'd taken another "quiz."

"Well THIS looks like fun," I said to my smug self.

Verbal Intelligence Test

Your overall percentile is 68% which means you scored higher than 68% of the people who have taken this test. The internet population tends to be more intelligent so your percentile might be higher if the test taking sample was perfectly random. Keep in mind, taking this test more than once will render your percentile score inaccurate because the percentile scoring assumes these questions were fresh to the test taker.

The point of this test is to challenge you and show you how you compare to other test takers on a set of novel questions. Consequently, the answers need to be kept secret to protect the integrity of the test.

So yeah.....apparently I'm even dumber than I thought. (thanks a LOT, Alina :-)

I may have to take another quiz and try and redeem myself....

Congratulations, you obtained a very high score. I am researching intelligence and personality so I would greatly appreciate if you would use the comment form below to answer the following questions.

What was your childhood IQ measured at? SAT score? GRE score?
What is your career or what career do you plan on pursuing?
How has your intelligence affected your life?
Do you think intelligence correlates negatively with physical attractiveness?
Did you have any problems with any of the questions on this test, was it challenging, easy?

Include your email if you are open to possibly getting some follow up questions from me (your email will be kept private). If you would rather think about the questions and answer later, submit your answers via the contact link.


Your overall percentile is 93% which means you scored higher than 93% of the people who have taken this test. The internet population tends to be more intelligent so your percentile might be higher if the test taking sample was perfectly random. Keep in mind, taking this test more than once will render your percentile score inaccurate because the percentile score assumes these questions were fresh to the test taker.

Possible answers to the questions:
-somewhere between 50 and 200
-somewhat less than perfect
-never took the GRE. Don't even know what it is
-I am heavily involved in my career as a full time homemaker. Wasn't it lucky I majored in music? At last count there were 10 kids
-I suppose some degree of intelligence has been helpful in homeschooling the children. Homeschooling is really fun. The kids believe everything I say. After I put them to bed I usually cruise the web and take intelligence tests.
-as to correlation of intelligence to physical attractiveness....this was the question that convinced me not to submit my email. But I have lost a little weight recently....if that means anything.
-I thought your test was just super, especially since I ended up with a decent score. Keep up the good work and hey.....isn't there some way I can get graduate credit for this?

There. I feel lots better.

I think I can sleep, now.
 

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Bliss

Writing the New Year's letter with the kids making Christmas cookies under the supervision of others.....

....all the while listening to Handel's Messiah, streamed live from NPR.
 

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More weekend wedding pics

There was LOTS of food leftover from the rehearsal dinner, so Saturday morning we trekked to Elizabeth's house (mother of the groom) and chowed down on the great food, again.

The weather was most pleasant and many of the children ate outdoors. From left front, continuing back and around....Nolan, Laura Lee, Ethan, Andrew, Trevor, Carolyn and Lindsay.
 As Nolan prepares to....uh....launch something, Trevor frowns with the pious gaze of a practiced informer.

(what happens there, stays there)

I was dismayed at how many of my indoor pictures did NOT turn out.
  This one of Ardith survived, but quite possibly Ma will have to break down and read the manual....

And now we have the "Abigail Series."

Baby Abigail was the delight of all the cousins, aunts and uncles. And let's not forget Grandma and Grandpa Banek!

Here she is, sleeping in the arms of her papa.
 Is it my imagination, or does Nathan always seem to be smiling these days??

After a wee nap, Abigail is procured by (great) Auntie Lauri Ann, whose baby charming abilities are known far and wide.
 

"Doo, doot doo dooo, doot, doo doo doot, doo."
 "Come on....there's a smile....."

"YEAAAHHHH, Abigail!"
  

Ah, good times :-)
 

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Ethan be Ten

The actual birthday was Sunday, the 17th, but as we were traveling home from Oklahoma, the time did not seem propitious for celebrating. I mean, I have taken hot curlers out of my hair while driving, but I draw the line at lighting birthday candles.

Besides, we needed a day to recoup, get groceries and actually BUY the birthday food. The big party was last night.

Sharon made this Chocolate Truffle Tart, with lots of help from Ethan. (thanks again for the chocolate cookbook, Wilson :-) I cut out 300 calories from my day just so's I could indulge in a piece.....OK, a piece and a half.
 It was too beautiful to stab with candles, so I did the "light the candles set into half a slice of bread," thing.

I actually surprised the birthday boy with one gift, a watch, so yeah, my life is now complete.
 

It's traditional for the ten-year-old male to receive a wallet.
 This started because Ardith got a purse for her 10th birthday (I know, WHAT was I thinking....) and I felt obligated to start giving the boys a wallet when they turned 10. Some traditions are retained simply because the other kids expect them, as opposed to merit, i.e. having any money to put in them.

Trevor notices that this is another of those "I won't get to play with this, so what's the point?" presents.

A fox figurine from a sweet person at church....
  *waves to Laura*

"They're books, Ethan.....you read them."
 

"Don't worry, son.....the blindness from Mommy's flash is only temporary....it should wear off in a year or two."
  This is a Woody kite. (character from Toy Story) Another of Ma's amazing finds on Ebay :-D

Ethan finally decided on "The Santa Clause," for his birthday movie. He was mucho torno to pick something non-Christmas, since the family is obligated to watch Christmas videos anyway, so why waste a birthday pick on a Christmas flick? But he, Melinda and Carolyn had seen the end of it at the motel and were desperately in need of closure, cinematographically speaking.

And for the perfect accent to a restful evening, may I recommend a slice of dark chocolately pie before bed? It gives you that little extra kick needed to stay awake for Jurassic Park.

And that brings us to some VERY GOOD NEWS, LADIES! If your husband/fiancé seems hesitant to commit on the topic of offspring, we NOW know the ultimate method for getting the guys attuned to the wonders of children. (not that I would be speaking from personal experience.....)

First, get stranded on a tropical island with fearsome creatures (no, not the kids, I mean dinosaurs). Add to the mix some helpless but slightly cutesome children needing protection (preferably with good screaming skills) and let nature take it's course.

The kids get saved and the guy converts.

And it's just---that---simple.
 
 

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More Weekend Fun

Pool time.

After sitting on my lap for the first ten minutes, I finally persuaded Trevor to dip a toe in the little spa pool....
 ...after which he deemed it safe to join Ethan and begin his reign of the spa.

I had to keep an eye on Trevor, since that sauna-like water was fairly warm. When I saw his cheeks getting red, I'd make him come out and drop his feet over the edge of the big pool.

Carolyn, Melinda and Nolan.
 The second pool session saw Melinda get hit in the left eye with a foam pool toy the kids were throwing around. She still has a pretty red splotch in the white part, next to her iris.

Uncle Mark, demonstrating his razor sharp lifeguarding skills.
 Mark is one of Loren's younger brothers and sports an ICD.
  

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The Diet Report

I took last week off, report-wise. It read no change and I was exceptionally busy.

The fact that I was having a terrible week is beside the point.

Today's weigh-in: 1V8 pounds. That is a .5 pound loss for this past week, or a 16.5 pound loss over 15 weeks.

I figure that is pretty good, considering we were sitting in a van for 20 hours and eating at the rehearsal dinner and wedding reception over this past weekend :-)

Hey, it's not my fault I had to finish the little boys' Chicken Cordon Bleu. (I split one between the three of us, but it seems I am the only one with refined taste) I compensated by eating lots of green beans.

Loren and I split a cheesecake for dessert, so I feel that overall, I was a very good little Ma.

The trip home presented a few problems, in that during my afternoon shift I became drowsy enough to start nibbling extra pretzels and chocolates. Thankfully Loren did more driving than I, that day.

HOWEVER, getting back into my routine and sticking with it until just before Christmas dinner should get me through the holidays without too much collateral damage.

Ten more pounds to go.
 

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All Together, now....

SMILE!
 
The wedding photographer was taking some photos of different families and they graciously agreed to snap one with our camera.

This is not the one going on the Christmas...oops, I mean New Year's letter, but certain people looked interesting and I thought I'd give a little preview.

*makes another note to start---that---letter*
_______________

It is SO nice to have Jason home for a bit. I do worry though, that life around here cannot quite compare to the excitement of college.

Therefore, I am endeavoring to line up a whole lotta fun stuff for the lad.

For instance, today Sharon and Jason are heading over to Hampton to get their flu shots.

Tomorrow will be an eye doctor appointment. It's high time that guy got new glasses.

Right about now you are saying, "Ma, be careful or you will SPOIL that son of yours!"

Well, we will just have to take that risk. I haven't seen him since August and as far as I'm concerned, nothing is too good for my boy!

And speaking of incredible males, did I mention that on our drive down to Tulsa, we only stopped once? And that was after 4 and a half hours.

I bring this up because it was Trevor's first long trip out of diapers.

Let's hear it for long suffering kids! And movies. Loren has this whole system with speakers and a laptop for the kids to watch movies on the way down.

Apparently, viewing movies completely shuts down all other physical funtions, allowing all the body's sensory signals to be diverted to the eyes for seeing, and mouth for standing agape.

It all worked out rather well, I think. 
 

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Weddings, and all that :-)

An excellent time was had by all. I would love to share numerous pictures, but for tonight (ninety minutes after our return) just a few will have to suffice.....

Amy and David Hoyt, the newlyweds.

 (apologies for the red eye effect. I have yet to get Picasa's red eye removal to work for me)

The wedding planner carefully explaining the proper way to cut a wedding cake.
 

A little unplanned frivolity....cousins falling prey to the upbeat Christmas music.
 Very few people know that Loren is really a party animal at heart. The truth can now be told....I witnessed him tapping his foot to a jazzy rendition of Jingle Bells.

And who is this?
 Nathan and Elizabeth Banek, with sweet baby Abigail. We attended THIS nephew's wedding over a year ago, in November of 2005....

*grins*
  

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Just a note....

.....to say that we safely arrived in Tulsa :-)

Ma drove all the way.....what can I say, other than it is just so hard to give up the reins of power.

Loren kept track on his laptop of whether we were ahead or behind schedule (it's a guy thing) and as I mentioned to him, "I feel much better with me driving and you looking at that thing, than with you driving and looking at that thing.

We arrived ahead of the appointed time, due no doubt to some incredible driving finesse on my part. I hardly think going 2-3 miles over the limit (limits are SUCH an arbitrary thing, after all) would have made that much difference. I prefer to think of it as the natural result of driving with clean lines and calm expertise.

(except for Kansas City. I find it really hard not to have a few knots in my stomach through Kansas City.)

Beautiful rehearsal dinner. Everyone was so sweet and emotional. Loren and I sat at a table with bamboo growers from California. MoM---I'm gonna hafta hook you peoples up.

Time for bed. The older kids are getting together with their older cousins for some good conflab, while us graybeards and young ones do the mature thing and get our beauty rest.

Tomorrow it will be breakfast at Hampton Inn's wonderful food bar, followed by a swim in the pool. I know, I know....someone has to suffer.

The last time we were here was for the funeral of Loren's brother, Galen.

Tomorrow Galen's oldest son gets married.

Quite a difference.
 

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Do I have time for a nervous breakdown?

*checks schedule*

Apparently not.

But I will take a small break from the frenetic pre-trip activities. Trust me, I'll feel better.

All the laundry is done. Now for the folding and packing.

Kendra has cleaned out the van. Now Ethan is making his assault with the Windex. Give a ten-year-old some spray cleaner and they go berserk.

Carolyn helped me clean at the church this morning, leaving only 1 1/2 hours left to finish this afternoon. Hot doggies!

Derek awoke in a-fib again. DEREK! IF YOU THINK THIS IS GONNA GET YOU OUT OF WEARING A SUIT COAT (especially after I sewed buttons on the sides of the sleeves) YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING!

*makes note to pack baby aspirin*

Loren is doing quite poorly in the energy department. I drove him over to get his blood work done this morning and he has been lying down most of the morning. We think his cortisol is low but the report won't get back until later, so maybe......I don't know.

But it looks like the girls and I will be doing most of the driving. Which doesn't bother me. Especially the part about ME driving.

IT'S ALL ABOUT POWER.

The youngest children will be sitting way in the back, see.....that leaves me in the front with adult-type peoples and control of the radio.

:-D

I'm even cooking up something ahead, so we'll have a quick throw-together meal when we come home....(can't remember ever DOING that before)

I've been sorely tempted to nibble on extra chocolate, but so far I've remained strong. (grrrrrr) However, missed all my exercise times today, so maybe I'll be able to jump on the treadmill for an hour this evening.....

....yeah, like that's gonna happen.
 

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Still deer

  

On my way to the bank this evening, I spied these deer in a field. I think they were intently watching a cow in the nearby pasture, weighing the possibility of bovinal attack.

On my way back, they had progressed into the cut corn stalks and were calmly grazing as if they owned the place.

Further down the road, a different deer ran across the road in front of me, while another contemplated crossing. I hit the brakes and gave two blasts of the horn, which is my little way of saying,

"Don't mess with me, you crazy ruminant!"

It wisely opted not to cross.

Deer.

Still

here.
 

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Happy news

But you'd have to know the Sever's family...

Aaron and Kelly had their baby, a little girl, on Tuesday night! Hot off the press are the stats: 7 lbs, 19 in, named Susannah Joy. (spelling of name is iffy)

Also Sever related, Alina has posted about her deer slaying bonanza :-)

(I only hope she got a couple that have menaced my garden in the past....though living on the opposite side of the county, I guess chances are slim)
_______________

In other news:

We are washing clothes like mad and starting the packing process to take our little band down to Oklahoma for the big wedding of nephew David this weekend. I only have three peoples' clothes to alter but hey....no problem.

More importantly, Ethan cannot find his beloved black duffel bag. He seems to be bearing up admirably, though we cannot guarantee stability to the time/space continuum....
 

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Bring me my soapbox!

There are two things I try to steer clear of in my blog-writing addiction:

1) Endless angst about personal things that will leave the reader in tears

2) Controversial issues, be they political or "religious."

However, I chanced upon something I consider so vile and repulsive, something that denotes such a grave distortion to God's Word, that I shall gladly risk rebuke from anyone, anywhere.

Behold, a new video game.....Left Behind: Eternal Forces.

Of course, it must be OK, because Jerry Jenkins is pictured with the Left Behind CEO, Troy Lyndon.

(Jerry Jenkins, who along with Tim LaHaye, found Biblical accuracy but a small deterrence to the prospect of fame, big bucks and spin-off publications with their "Left Behind" books)

If these two men hadn't lost all Christian credibility with their blockbuster book series, they have now, with release of the video game. They are connected by association, at the very least.

And just in time for the holidays! Get them while you still can, for Christmas. And parents, there's no need to worry.....any points the kiddos lose by killing people, can be rectified by a quick, kneeful prayer.

Wow.

And again I say, "Hide me...I'm embarrassed by those who claim the same faith as myself."

I'm also angry.

SO ANGRY I COULD......!

*gets down on knees*

There. I'm all sweetness, again.

But don't take my word for it, check it out here, here and here.

It just makes me want to cry.
 

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Ma's Newsy Nuggets

Apologies to the oldest kids. Nobody told us. No hard feelings, right? (by the way, your father and I will be needing you to sign small, extremely unimportant waivers when you return home for Christmas....)
_______________

(Ma wishes to give warning of one undesirable name used in this next article.)

Un-be-lieve-able news, folks....Congress may work five days a week! I suppose this means they'll want a pay raise....
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How far would YOU go to recover stolen drugs? With a mind that sharp, I'm guessin' this fellow was smokin' some of his own dope.
_______________

Sometimes it's not so good to keep pace with the east coast.

Ma says, "It'll be a long time before I eat at a place beginning with 'TACO'. "
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Not to be outdone by a famous Christmas light display of last year, Eric Rodemeyer, of Marshalltown, Iowa has set up his own extravaganza. And it only took 14,500 bulbs.

As for me, I prefer to spend my time and money at Goodwill.
 

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Ye Olde Christmase Spirites

Kendra brought this to my attention yesterday while grocery shopping.
 
It just warms a Ma's heart to think of Coke--so big, yet so spiritually cognizant--remembering the importance of the season.

While I took this picture, Kendra provided a great foil by standing in front of the cart and pretending to paw through its contents, thereby blocking the view of the men behind the meat counter.

Call me paranoid, but I prefer not to draw the ire of butchers holding large cleavers.

Home again, home again. Now that a large pop manufacturing company had put me into the Christmas spirit, we set up the Christmas tree and the kids decorated. I did make them eat supper first, if you can believe it.
 (I know it's a bad picture, but I DID use flash....) Notice the two pronged top? Maybe that's why nobody else bought it. But just like Charlie's Brown's friends, the children have transformed the evergreen from a needy, green spray-painted conifer to a lovely Christmas creation.

And even though we'd tested all the lights earlier that morning, wouldn't you know it, the first strand refused to work. But Kendra--official light putter-oner--took Ethan's sage advice and just "shook them," and they popped on.

*makes mental note NOT to encourage Ethan in pursuing neurosurgery*

Even the defibrillator gets a pretty green bow....
 (....Oh Ma, we love your macabre humor!)

Here's something I received from a nice person at church, who wishes to remain nicely anonymous. I must be slipping in my photography, for the words are bleached out with the flash, but they say....
  "I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter!"

A bear after my own heart :-D

We have been receiving cards and Christmas newsletters from far and anon, which reminds me, I should really start on ours, soon....

Just as a warning, our Christmas letter will be more likely a New Year's missive.

As in, any time within the months of January or February.

See, we'll be getting a total family picture at the wedding this weekend (if I remember :-) and then there will be processing and all the rest. That, along with book deals, contract negotiations and all....well, you can see how impossible it will be to get the letter out in a timely fashion.

I suggest we all quaff a Coke, or something, while we're waiting.

Humbly yours,

Ma
 

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A Day in the Life of Janitor Ma

It is another bright Saturday in December. Time for Janitor Ma to go to work!

Janitor Ma drives down the dirt road to the church where she cleans. It is a nice church. The roof has recently been re-shingled and the ceiling lowered in a top floor Sunday School room.


See the uppermost window? This is called the "Tower Room." That is where they take parishioners who fall asleep during one of Pastor Jack's sermons!
 
Ha ha! Of course we are kidding! (everyone knows they take them to the furnace room....)

As Janitor Ma enters the church to begin her cleaning duties, she often sets the proper mood by turning on her boom box and rockin' to the oldies for a few minutes...
 
(again, just joshin.' No actual rock music was listened to...at that particular time, anyway)

Next comes one of Janitor Ma's favorite moments, the opening of the janitor's closet.
 
It is a very special time for Janitor Ma. She takes in the familiar sight of WD40 and gives an affectionate pat to her neatly coiled extension cords. And occasionally, Janitor Ma engages in a recurring reverie, where she packs a bag and comes to live in the quiet repose of the janitor closet. Just for a few days, and just to see how long it would take people to find her.

But of course, there would be no internet connection, so she would never do that.

Probably.

Now it is time for Janitor Ma to don her favorite cleaning device, the Pro Team Backpack Vacuum.

The hose snakes out of the cannister and around her head, conjuring up another fantasy......portrayal of the gatekeeper for Jabba the Hut.
  
"Master Jabba will see you now....WHAH HAH HAH HAH HAH !"

After Janitor Ma has swept the fellowship room carpet, it is time to line up the chairs.
 
Janitor Ma considers each metal folding chair as one of her soldiers. They must all do her bidding and remain standing at perfect attention, for hours on end, never moving so much as a rivet.

("Yes SUH, Ma!" "No SUH, Ma!" "Whatever you say, SUH, Ma!")

While Janitor Ma is relocking the front door, she inadvertently breaks the plastic doohickey off of the key. It is the first thing Janitor Ma has broken this year.
 
In her first year of service, Janitor Ma broke a large clock. In her second year, Janitor Ma broke a boot-shaped figurine.

Janitor Ma congratulates herself on breaking smaller things, each year.

The sun has just set and as Janitor Ma prepares to return home after another weekend's labors.....
  
....she feels at peace with herself and the world, knowing she has done her little part to make the country safe for the free exercise of religion, in a not-quite-pristine-but-relatively-clean-environment.

And that's all,

about Janitor Ma.....
 

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